Feeling a little down :( - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

beerab · 01-09-2009, 01:42 PM

So I've been working at my job the past 3.5-4 months, as far as I know I have no problems with anyone.

I feel lately like people don't want to talk to me- unless there is no one else to talk to- of course I don't feel this way with everyone.

But for me, when I have free time I try to go and ask anyone if they need help- our front office is slammed with paperwork and I go a few hours a week and help them out.

Today one of the girls says to another "you going to happy hour tonight?"

She says she doesn't know, and I say "Oh is something going on?"

And she doesn't say anything, I continue to stare at her- like uh you gonna answer me? And she finally replies, well there might be something going on tonight...

And that's it- turns back to her work- it's like talk about a slap in the face! I felt totally excluded, and I also heard some other's talking about tonight's happy hour- but they are whispering it as I walk by and say hi. I wanted to say "Okay I guess I'm not counted in!" I just finished my work and when they asked if I could do something else I said sorry I'm busy but I'll come back later... OR NOT.

I'm like dang am I that fat and ugly and grotesque you don't want me to come? I mean I'm a nice person, I don't go around bragging about myself or something, I'm not ugly or something, I'm polite, I like to joke like the next person, I feel totally excluded right now and at the same time feel like would it be different if I weren't overweight?

Schumeany · 01-09-2009, 01:56 PM

That is plain mean! I HATE mean. If they have their own thing going on, then they should have the common curtesy to talk about it AWAY from the office or, at least, privately, and it would harm them not ONE bit to be as inclusive as possible for something as general as "happy hour". It is a kind of "clique-ish" behavior that has no business in a work environment and should have been left in high school. Hold your head up...I know it is hard, especially since you haven't been there that long, but do your best.

When they hurt your feelings, come on here and we will all have our OWN "happy hour"!!!!

Spoz · 01-09-2009, 02:07 PM

I have felt like this so many times in my life, growing up, in school and in social groups. I think when you exude confidence people want to be around you, th fact these girls are making you 'feel fat and ugly' suggests you probably feel this way already and you need to learn to love yourself!

You're you just the way you are, so stick your chin up because you can probably do so much better than these girls

cbmare · 01-09-2009, 02:09 PM

I worked in a place like that many many years ago. I finally asked if I could go to lunch with a group that went everyday. I went 1 time. I did not realize it at the time that they had liquid lunches. This was in my skinny days and I like to eat my lunches, just as I do now.

You hold your head up high. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you are better than that behavior they are displaying.

Where are you in Calif?

JamieJo · 01-09-2009, 02:22 PM

Read this....it always makes me feel a little better!

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160691

beerab · 01-09-2009, 03:27 PM

Thanks Schumeany

Yes I think it is very rude and totally highschool! That's why I just finished my work quickly as possible and now am like screw it I'm not helping them out.

Spoz, thanks for the comment, it's funny usually I am so confident and smiling, but today it just got to me for some reason. I do know I can be my own worst critic, but I take great care when I get dressed everyday for work and think I look good- I have to stop taking things out on myself and think that it's THEM that has the problem!

cbmare ug LIQUID lunch? That's so funny- I live in San Diego- probably one of the worst places to live if you are overweight huh? lol. I will hold my head up high!

Thanks JamieJo- it put a lot into perspective for me.

I went out and visited a friend during lunch and she really cheered me up- she was like you aren't working there to make friends anyways- you don't need them- and you wouldn't want them to learn too much about your personal life than use it against you (which is true). I'm working hard to move up in the company and my friend thinks that the ones who are giving me the cold shoulder just feel very threatened by me. I can agree because looking back, all the supervisors and higher up people I get along with so well, but these people who are one step above me seem to be the ones who are acting like this.

She's totally right- I'm not there to make friends and I'm not going to let people like that make me feel insecure!

Schumeany let's have that happy hour- with carrots and celery

cbmare · 01-09-2009, 04:43 PM

Too bad you are so far away. If you were in this area I'd invite you to go to lunch with one of the other chickies on here. We go out quite frequently.

Thighs Be Gone · 01-09-2009, 04:48 PM

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK. That is tacky and rude and she knew very well what she was doing--trying to find a way to exclude another and that is just so
seventh grade! Even back then it was seriously uncool.

If you are in the right place at work, I would be tempted to share your precise feelings with the offenders.

BTW, turn this crap around to your benefit and learn from it. When someone seems uncomfortable or excluded wherever you are in the future, be the person to step up. Stay on your plan so you can get your groove back and prance by those byotches in a few months. Show them what you are made of.

In the end, being a byotch is WAY worse than being bigger. Being a byotch goes to bone.

Schumeany · 01-09-2009, 04:55 PM

Carrots and celery...and I'm going to have one very small square of dark chocolate...living on the wild side!

beerab · 01-09-2009, 06:30 PM

Thanks guys!

Cbmare where are you from?

Thighsbegone it's funny I'm the type of person who invites everyone along when I go out or something- in school I was the girl who would say hi to the new person and be friends with them.

Lol S- dark chocolate it is

I feel a lot better about it- I've just resolved to not go to the front office unless I need to- and they got two new interns to help out in the front so I'm not helping out there anymore. Screw them- my friend is right- I'm not at work to make friends with other people.

My husband and I are going to go to a car show next month- and I'm going to look into other activities to try and make more friends- not sure what to do though- any ideas?

choirgirlhotel · 01-09-2009, 06:56 PM

3.5-4 months is not really "that" long. I find it takes a good 6 months to a year for people to start warming up. I remember when I first started working at my job the girls would have take-out every Thursday evening but would never ask me. I thought it was really weird, but for some reason I wasn't really THAT bothered. Then, after quite a long time when I got to know them I started to be included.

People are weird and immature like that.....it probably has nothing to do with you per se, just that they are cliquey and thoughtless.

~CGH~

cbmare · 01-09-2009, 07:26 PM

I'm in the SF Bay Area near San Jose.

Can you walk with someone from another office or building during lunch? When my feet aren't killing me or I don't have to get anything heavy, I will walk across the street and pick up some almond milk and such from Trader Joe's.