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Online dating - any experience?

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Old 11-20-2008, 01:34 PM   #1
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Question Online dating - any experience?

Now that I am almost 40 lbs lighter, I am going back to dating. (It was not only the extra weight that held me back, it took me a while to deal with my previous break-up and in general, I was not a happy person. Fortunately, with the amount of exercise I do, I don't think I have ever felt better. )

I signed up with an online dating place, and I have been contacted by a number of guys and I also contacted some on my own. Right now, I am exchanging emails with one guy who sounds like a nice person but I have a problem with the communication. I don't want to offend our male chicks (your input is welcome!!!) but it seems to me that most men have a trouble writing emails that mean anything. Take the above guy - he is obviously quite intelligent, he runs a small clinic, but his emails drive me up the walls. He answers my questions but that's it. There is nothing to go on - he asks very little questions, and in his last email, he just provided answers to mine but there was nothing else. I do not interpret it as a sign of not being interested (at least in his case) because he said he would like us to meet.

I won't be desperate if he doesn't work out (we are about 100 km apart), so that would limit everything to weekends only, etc. - this is just a general rant because I had been receiving similar emails from other men as well.
I can be pretty chatty in my emails, but it is hard to "invent" topics to discuss when the other party doesn't provide any hints.

Interested in your opinions or experience if you have any. Thanks.
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Old 11-20-2008, 01:47 PM   #2
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IMO i say either chat him up on the phone to see if its any better or move on to another one. I have met a few guys online that have been great to converse with. There is no harm in talking to a few men at once.

I have to admit though sometimes you run out of things to say just typing. Sometimes its easier on the phone so that you can kinda bounce the convo. back and forth. Maybe he is interested but just has a hard time 'chatting' through e-mail. It maybe be easier if you have instant messenger and chat that way.

BTW congrats on the loss. And the motivation and confidence to get back out there and start dating again.
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Old 11-20-2008, 01:54 PM   #3
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I met my husband online, but not through a dating site. We were friends for quite a few years before actually doing the dating thing.

I agree with Candy, sometimes email is a strange medium for some people. It may that he is busy, shy or nervous...or maybe just isn't as suave as you
If he is interested in meeting, I would talk a little on the phone to get a sense of what his personality is like. A lot of personality traits do not manifest themselves correctly (if at all) through a computer and having a chance to speak online will give you a little better feel of what you're dealing with.

Instant messenger is also a great way to chat, but again, personality traits may be misunderstood. For example, if one of you has a sarcastic sense of humor it won't translate well to the computer and could leave the other a bit offended.

Good luck in your endeavors!
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Old 11-20-2008, 01:56 PM   #4
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I dunno ... to me this would be a (small) warning bell. My guy and I "met" via email (and a message board) and he's always written funny or interesting or charming emails. They're rarely long ... but he knows how to "chat" via email.

I'm not saying that an inability to write interesting emails is a deal breaker. Obviously some guys just aren't writers and that's fine. But if it were a semi-long distance relationship (or the possibility of one), then it would be a consideration for me.

I like that my guy sends me little short notes for no reason or emails me links to things he knows I'll find funny or whatever. It's part of the enjoyment I get from our relationship.

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Old 11-20-2008, 01:59 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomato View Post
Now that I am almost 40 lbs lighter, I am going back to dating. (It was not only the extra weight that held me back, it took me a while to deal with my previous break-up and in general, I was not a happy person. Fortunately, with the amount of exercise I do, I don't think I have ever felt better. )

I signed up with an online dating place, and I have been contacted by a number of guys and I also contacted some on my own. Right now, I am exchanging emails with one guy who sounds like a nice person but I have a problem with the communication. I don't want to offend our male chicks (your input is welcome!!!) but it seems to me that most men have a trouble writing emails that mean anything. Take the above guy - he is obviously quite intelligent, he runs a small clinic, but his emails drive me up the walls. He answers my questions but that's it. There is nothing to go on - he asks very little questions, and in his last email, he just provided answers to mine but there was nothing else. I do not interpret it as a sign of not being interested (at least in his case) because he said he would like us to meet.

I won't be desperate if he doesn't work out (we are about 100 km apart), so that would limit everything to weekends only, etc. - this is just a general rant because I had been receiving similar emails from other men as well.
I can be pretty chatty in my emails, but it is hard to "invent" topics to discuss when the other party doesn't provide any hints.

Interested in your opinions or experience if you have any. Thanks.
Boy I have EXACTLY the same gripe about men on dating sites. I asked questions to try and get to know something about them, they answer but don't ever ask me anything. It's infuriating. I just stop writing them back after that. One actually wrote me and said " Are you still interested in chatting?" I told him that the issue was he wasn't interested in me and to go back and check every one of his emails to me. Not ONCE did he ask me ONE question! Never heard from him again.

I'd like a man on these bords to chime in on why this happens.. I mean, if someone is interested, they ask questions right to get to know you?
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Old 11-20-2008, 02:04 PM   #6
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I was in slightly a different situation but I had been friends with a coworker of mine for years but we were no longer working at the same facility. We would chat online (work based IM). We never sent emails but even emails we have sent eachother over the years were very short. I don't know, I'm not a very good emailer. Anyway, we got to know eachother 'talking' real time and we would occasionally talk on the phone as friends. When we started dating though we talked on the phone daily and our online conversations became less.

My suggestion is maybe try to talk to him on the phone. If the phone doesn't work then umm, I'd say move on.
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Old 11-20-2008, 03:21 PM   #7
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I've had nothing but bad experiences with online dating. ...I decided to give it another whirl, but so far, no luck
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Old 11-20-2008, 03:49 PM   #8
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I met my husband online. It is alot different then on the phone. So I would definitly talk on the phone for a little to see if anything is better. Good Luck!
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Old 11-20-2008, 08:45 PM   #9
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my dh and i met on yahoo..but when we started exchanging emails, they were bright, wity and not just answering questions. I would recommend doing some emails first, then trying phone chat. I never dated someone who wasn't in my town but that was just a requirement i had. I did this with several people i met on line prior to DH. I found it help me weed out the ones that didn't seem to interest me. If there was still some possibility, then i would meet them in public somewhere mutual.

Good luck!
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Old 11-20-2008, 10:53 PM   #10
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I say give him a call FRIEDGREEN and "drag" that personality outta him! Work it girl...work it! You know you got it again!!!
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Old 11-21-2008, 12:11 AM   #11
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I would try talking to him on the phone.... it that sounds similar where theres silence and a lack of a conversation going.... I don't think it would work too well.... Especially if you won't be seeing him often, most of your communications will be over the phone, emails, texts, etc. So he needs to be able to hold a GOOD conversation with you. Plus you want someone you can talk to. If it was just about looks, you would go to a bar and trying "picking up" any good looking fellow there =P Hence why I almost prefer online dating.... you're judged on the important stuff. GOOD LUCK =)
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Old 11-21-2008, 01:00 AM   #12
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well, i have had before my marriage...but never worked out anything for me.
i was more lucky in meeting a man of my dreams in real!
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Old 11-21-2008, 12:00 PM   #13
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I didn't have a lot of luck with men online.

By the way, watch out for the scammers. Their e-mails are too flowery, typically starting out with something like, "I was drawn by your abundant beauty. It held me like a fluttering bird in the net of your luminous eyes ..."
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:29 PM   #14
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By the way, watch out for the scammers. Their e-mails are too flowery, typically starting out with something like, "I was drawn by your abundant beauty. It held me like a fluttering bird in the net of your luminous eyes ..."
Hahaha - did actually somebody send you that? No worries, I would immediately think the guy is a nutcase - I don't fall for anything of this kind by default. LOL

Update:
The guy I mentioned in my original post sent me his phone number. I am going to call him tonight and we shall see if the conversation will flow or not. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your replies, chickies. And special thanks to Gary, of course.
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:39 PM   #15
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good luck girl. You never know..someone may not be very fluent on email but very good to talk to. I had great success meeting DH on line..but like i said..i met a few not so great ones along the way..but nothing scary psycho. Never hurts to give it a try.

My advice to you, if you decide to meet him..i always met someone new in a neutral place..that way they didn't know where i lived..just incase they did become scary psycho.

let us know how it goes (:
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