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Old 11-18-2008, 03:43 PM   #1
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Unhappy Lonely

I come to you with what may seem a very trivial problem in the grand scheme of things, but one which is very much distressing to me at the moment.

I have been single since February 2007, and am increasingly disheartened that I haven't met anyone else. I'm only young, and am currently at university, but it seems that most people I know are in a relationship and I can't seem to meet anyone! I have a good group of friends who are very good to me, and a family I love very much, even though I miss them when I'm at uni, but I desperately miss the feeling of being in love, and feel desperately lonely without a man who loves me. In addition, I haven't had sex in a mind-numbing 19 months, as I don't want meaningless one-night stands. Despite this though, I don't really miss sex all that much, compared to how much I miss just being held by a man, or getting kissed.

Prior to February 2007, I was in a very loving relationship for two years. We were madly in love and were intending to get married after I finished at university. I had a shaky first few months at uni and finished with him for very silly reasons. I've been left very hurt by the relationship, especially after efforts made by myself to reignite the relationship failed. I've now realised there's no point trying to get back with him; he's changed beyond the person I used to love, and I know that I miss the man I was with then, but I don't love who he is now, although sometimes it is difficult to make that distinction.

I am putting myself out there; going to parties and clubs and trying to get to know people, and I even tried online dating to no avail, but I have very low self-esteem and a poor body image and a) refuse to believe anyone would fancy me and b) seem to sabotage every chance at love I get. I am very lonely and would very much love to meet someone and have the rush I felt when I met my ex.

I know I'm lucky to have good friends and family, but it is a different feeling that I miss. I know there's nothing fundamentally wrong with being single, but if you have any comforting words or advice about how I might find love again, I would be very appreciative.
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:16 PM   #2
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I'm so sorry your feeling down!

Listen, there's (at least one) someone for everyone. You'll find your perfect match and it will be worth all the waiting. He'll find you sexy no matter what your weight is and see your heart. You seem like a very geuine, loving person. Just keep putting yourself out there and keep your head out of the game - dont over think things. You'll find love soon.
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:21 PM   #3
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Many people find someone when they stop looking. Good luck.
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:21 PM   #4
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So sorry and I myself have been there. Maybe for now it is better to be single for the right reasons rather than involved for the wrong ones.
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Old 11-18-2008, 05:02 PM   #5
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I know how you feel; I've been single since 2003. I've dated since then but it seems that men lose interest in me after a date or two (whether there's sex involved or not).

I don't have any words of advice because I get tired of hearing "stop looking and you'll meet the right one" or "there's someone for everyone" (and I know and understand that people who tell me that are just trying to be sympathetic). Just hang in there, though!

I know that I'm deeply appreciative of the great friends I have because they're my saving grace.
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Old 11-18-2008, 05:39 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grneyedmustang View Post

I don't have any words of advice because I get tired of hearing "stop looking and you'll meet the right one" or "there's someone for everyone" (and I know and understand that people who tell me that are just trying to be sympathetic). Just hang in there, though!
I completely agree with that!! I HATE hearing this, since it isn't much of a comfort. Especially as time continues to roll by and nothing changes.

I could probably count on one hand the amount of dates I've had in the last 10 years, and before that my dating calendar wasn't exactly the stuff of legends either. Pathetic, I know.

And yes, it sucks. Yes, it's painful to see my friends and family seem to so easily find significant others and get married, while I continue on with my solitary life and have a hard time getting men to even look in my direction.

That being said, all I can do is just live my life and keep the pining away for someone special to a mimimum. I hang out with friends and family, take satisfaction in my career, and busy myself with hobbies and whatever else I feel like doing.

I try to look on the bright side of being single: I can do what I want, when I want, and am accountable to no one but myself, and so on. I run my house how I want, keep the hours I want, and have the freedom to be spontaneous that most attached people don't have.

In short: I try to stay happy with the things and people in my life that I do have. Yeah, it's hard to be so "PollyAnna" about it sometimes, and I do feel lonely or like I've been rejected by all the men on the planet sometimes, but those pity parties usually don't last too long.
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Old 11-18-2008, 05:41 PM   #7
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hey... I'm there with ya sister. My relationship is realy suffering right now cause of my depression and self image. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him and the loneliness set in months ago...

I agree with cbmare don't try so hard and let them come to you. Don't just stop looking though.

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Old 11-18-2008, 06:25 PM   #8
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Hi, I can kind of relate. Right now my self esteem is at an all time low plus I'm depressed alot (which is part of my disorder) so I usu. don't go out and right now I Refuse to date anyone b/ca I doubt they'd find me attractive! Plus I'm trying to deal/figure out my sexuality etc....just makes things more complicated! Hang in there, it seems like you are doing a lot of things right by going out and spending time with your friends and family! You seem like a wonderful person and with a little patience I'm sure things will work out and you'll meet someone else again. In the meantime you have all of us here at the forum for support

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Old 11-18-2008, 06:37 PM   #9
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I don't think there's necessarily a perfect match for everyone. Sometimes people spend their entire lives alone. Rotten, but it's realistic. I figure the best you can do is try to make your life the best it can be with what you can control. That's about what anyone can do, regardless of what it is they want, from a mate to a dream job. It's tough to be lonely. I'm there with you. But it's better to be alone than with someone who doesn't treat you right, I believe.
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Old 11-18-2008, 06:59 PM   #10
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I'm sorry you feel like that! But I know what you mean. It's fun being single for a little while, but then it gets lonely. But look at the brighter side of things ... your young, single, are currently attending college and getting your "education ON!" You go girl! LOL

Just continue to surround yourself with good friends and family like you have been. And don't stress too much about finding love ... let it find you
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