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I'm in a joke type mood, how 'bout you?

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Old 11-18-2008, 02:23 PM   #1
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Lobster Story
In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking Up the wharf carrying two at-least-three-pound live lobsters, one in each hand.

It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: "Well me Laddie I got you this time - with two live lobsters three weeks after the season Closed!"

The Newfie says, "No - My Son you are wrong! These are two trained lobsters that I caught two weeks before the season ended."

The Fisheries Officer says, " Trained like how?"

"Well my son, each day I takes these two from my house down to the wharf and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke, or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!"

"Likely story", the Fisheries Officer says! "Lets take them on down the wharf and see if it`s true."

So, the Newfie goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.

The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another! After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, "How about whistling?"

The Newfie says " What For?"

The Fisheries Officer says, " To call in the Lobsters"

The Newfie says, " What Lobsters?"
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Old 11-18-2008, 02:27 PM   #2
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haha!!!!
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Old 11-18-2008, 02:28 PM   #3
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tee hee hee
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Old 11-18-2008, 02:39 PM   #4
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Post your fav jokes
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Old 11-18-2008, 03:10 PM   #5
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A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

Taken aback the string walks out into the street. A few minutes later he tries again. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I tolfd ya, we don't serve strings here."

So the string goes back outside. Then he gets an idea. He winds himself up. Makes a triple loop for a head and pulls some threads out for hair. Disengages some strands for arms and legs. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you that string?"

And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
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Old 11-18-2008, 03:21 PM   #6
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Hahahahaha, that's cute!
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Old 11-18-2008, 03:28 PM   #7
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Ha ha, I love Newfies
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:02 PM   #8
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Gary wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"

Gary says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."

"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.

"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Gary, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."

"What if that had been struck by lightning?"

"Then," Gary continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."

"What if the phone was engaged?"

"Well in that case," persevered Gary, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."

"What if that was vandalized?"

"Oh well, then I'd run into town and get my uncle Bill."

This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"

"Because he's never seen a train crash."
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:12 PM   #9
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augh! tee hee
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Weight loss isn't linear and the body doesn't have a timetable. - thanks Glory87.




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Old 11-18-2008, 09:47 PM   #10
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A man walks into a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but underwear made of saran wrap. The psychiatrist looks at him, and says "Well, I can clearly see your nuts".
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Old 11-18-2008, 10:56 PM   #11
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SusanB - I loved the frayed knot joke!! Hahaha very cute.
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