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Old 10-19-2008, 12:37 PM   #1
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Angry am i a prude(Please don't read if offended easily)

ok this is bothering me for awhile now and I don't know why. like I said this is a semi sexual conversation so please don't read if you will be offended! first my background I'm 34 had one relationship in my life that was only started last year and come to find out he cheated on me the whole time and is the source of this post. I have been intimate with 4 different people and have been known to watch the occasional adult movie. I got into this "relationship" with someone and he told me he can't deal with my insecurities. His problems with me 1.I prefered to be covered with a sheet after sex and when we were just in bed watching tv naked. apparently a problem for him. 2. he has a hot tub. he thought I should have no problem getting in that hot tub naked with his friends and roommate(who is in his 60's). I don't even know these people!
just a little about this man he's 26 has playboy mags all over his house his roommate turned on a porno the first night I met him which to my boyfriends credit he made him turn it off. he used to work in a strip club where his sister was a stripper. he has taken his dates to strip clubs and they get on the stage to strip and as long as they go home with him he doesn't care. You get the idea.
now back to me. Like I said I am not a virgin and do imbrace what little sexuality I feel I have at this point. I do not think being naked in front of people I don't know is ok. I don't think going to a strip club with your boyfriend and then stripping yourself is appropiate. I don't think turning on pornos with people you just met is ok. just sitting or laying around naked is not comfortable for me. last night a group of friends and I went out for dinner and drinks. right next door is an adult gift shop she just had to go get some crochless panties in. so we went I stood there thinking what is the point and then thought wow this stuff wouldn't even have a chance in **** fitting let alone looking sexy. they were having a great time looking around I just looked at keychains and bumper stickers. luckily I drove myself so I just left and went home.
my goodness this is a long post. sorry But I have to get this out. almost done.
anyway back to dating that one guy. we were sitting around they were drinking like they tend to always do and I wasn't drinking like I never did. that damn roommate said I was a prude!!!!! for whatever reason that hurt my feelings. after everything I have wrote in this does everybody here think the same thing??? I feel like I'm the only youngish female in the whole country that doesn't (in my opinion) act like a slut!
Ok thanks for listening and letting me get this off my chest. I also wonder if this one of the big differences of slim and obese people.
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Old 10-19-2008, 12:44 PM   #2
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I don't think you are a prude but reading your post I have one question.

What do you see in this guy? He sounds pretty immature and may be looking for a good time and if that is what you are only looking for then ok but still.
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Old 10-19-2008, 12:45 PM   #3
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No. I'd say this guy is taking advantage of the fact that you're doing what society conditions women to do, which is to bow to whatever a man wants and define that as her "normal."

This guy should like a creepster. You're not the weirdo here. It's them and if I were you I'd run the other way. There are lots of normal guys out there who would respect your boundaries (which sound pretty reasonable to me) and not call you names about it.

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Old 10-19-2008, 12:55 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by nelie View Post
I don't think you are a prude but reading your post I have one question.

What do you see in this guy? He sounds pretty immature and may be looking for a good time and if that is what you are only looking for then ok but still.
Yep, that's my question too.

I'm married, and I'm young, and I'm not a slut by any means. What my husband and I do is private, and we enjoy it, but he would NEVER EVER ask me to be naked infront of anyone except him. He would NEVER talk about our sex life to other people because it is none of their business.
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Old 10-19-2008, 12:57 PM   #5
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Your first instinct is right, he is a total loser. Or is that MY first instinct? Anyway, that's what he is.. DOn't ever let anyone make you do something you don't feel comfortable doing. I would drop him like a bad habit right now. If he can't understand your feelings for not wanting to be in a hot tub w/ strangers (!!!), how will he act over other things that are important to you?? And to make you feel guilty for not doing things - YUCK.
Dump him.....just my 2 cents

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Old 10-19-2008, 12:58 PM   #6
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NO, not a prude. Perhaps, have normal boundaries.
This guy sounds like a pretty big jerk. IMHO.

But, I'll share something that happened to me when I was about 18. There was this guy. We were making out on a beach. He wanted sex. (new guy to me) I did not want to have sex. (i was a virgin, not really important but, a fact) He got angry and called me a prude. And we left the beach.

It made me feel bad. Even back then I wondered why I felt so bad. My refusing to have sex was entirely fine with me, but still, I felt bad about being called this name.
Years later I saw this man. I was able to be angry about the story by that point. And I said no when he asked me out.

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Last edited by kittycat40; 10-19-2008 at 03:52 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 10-19-2008, 01:22 PM   #7
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I don't think you're prude either. I do however, think this guy is no good and his motives are questionable. and before I met my husband I was kinda slutty- so even I think what you described are normal boundaries.

The first steps to getting you under control are seeing what you're willing to put up with or do for him. I don't think it has anything to do with sex either. It has to do with power.
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Old 10-19-2008, 01:25 PM   #8
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Stay true to yourself! Having respect for yourself is no being a prude. It sounds like you are too good for this guy in my opinion!
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Old 10-19-2008, 01:32 PM   #9
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I don't think it's an obese thing. Sometimes we just date the wrong guys...and there are tons of warning signs. But typically if I'm sleeping with someone...I'm comfortable enough to not care if they see me naked. I don't know. I can do anything a skinny girl can for sure. It's all about attitude.
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Old 10-19-2008, 01:58 PM   #10
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Whoa! I don't consider myself a prude and the situations you have described would make me uncomfortable, especially with new people. I think this young man should respect your boundaries, and if you don't want to have "naked time" it shouldn't be expected of you.
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Old 10-19-2008, 02:47 PM   #11
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I guess I would have to ask how you would define "prude."

There's a big difference between not wanting to be naked in front of other people or tolerate disrepect and being closed to sexuality. Working as a stripper is not the same as looking around an adult store. I'm far from slutty and have found it entertaining to look around (although I admit I was somewhat disturbed by blow-up doll "Fatty Patty, She's Large and In Charge"). Sexuality need not be all or nothing. It's a spectrum of behavior. The great thing is that you get to define your boundaries and what is right for you. If a guy doesn't agree with or respect your boundaries, then you're just not sexually compatible. Nothing personal. It's possible to appear to be a "prude" or a "slut" to someone else but to be completely satisfied with your choices.
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Old 10-19-2008, 02:49 PM   #12
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No your not a prude. Going to and adult store is a personal preference and some women and even men don't like going in them besides why would you want to pay for dirty mags and stuff when you can get everything you want online. I don't like being naked when I am by myself much less being naked in front of some random people that could qualify for my parents. Ewwww!!! Good for you in getting rid of this jerkface, you don't need him and you deserve better. Everyone has boundaries and most peoples are not all the way out in left field like this guys was.
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Old 10-19-2008, 03:07 PM   #13
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Here are my thoughts on the subject:

Prude, not prude, slut, not slut, etc.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

You don't need to justify or explain yourself to anyone.

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Old 10-19-2008, 04:20 PM   #14
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A man who is interested in you as a partner would not do the things this man did. A real man would make plans with you, take you out for a dinner or something similar and respect your boundaries when you do not invite him to bed for the first little while. This is a man of RESPECT.

A man who does the things that your guy did is a man who is simply interested in sex and has no respect for you as a person. I'm sorry, but that's what he is. No respecting man would have done what he did. Remember, YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU. If you don't stand up for yourself and your boundaries, who will? A man will pursue a female but it is up to her to put the brakes on the boundaries. Whether this is right or wrong - this is how to earn the respect of a man.

*PS- I am certainly no prude either. My partner and I will watch adult films together, have 'board games' and enjoy a healthy sex life. That being said, it took him a while to figure out that "side of me" actually existed. Don't offer yourself on a platter. Make him work for it. A man who isn't willing to, is a man who is only interested in sex.

/end rant. I learned the hard way myself.

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Old 10-19-2008, 06:30 PM   #15
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I don't consider myself a prude, and what you wrote would be totally off-limits to me too (except lying around naked sans a sheet) -- imo, there's nothing wrong with having limits as to what you're sexually willing to do in public or around strangers.

Like I said, I don't consider myself a prude -- I consider myself *discerning* and really, you seem discerning too -- sadly, it seems this guy and his friends are looking for women who AREN'T discerning in what they will do.

Prediction: This guy will fool around for the next 5 - 7 years with many girls who will strip in public, appear naked in front of his friends, etc. and then when he's around 32 - 35, he'll marry a girl he'd consider a "prude" now...
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