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what did i do then?

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Old 10-16-2008, 04:24 PM   #1
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My question of the day for myself is: What did I do when I was younger that I made friends so easily? I'm in grad school now and although I'm involved in things outside of classes, I haven't actually hung out with anyone outside of planned events... I don't have anyone I can call when I need someone to talk to, or go out for drinks with (not that that's good for the diet, but you know!) or what not.

Are kids just more social or something? I feel like I could really use a friend.
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Old 10-16-2008, 04:41 PM   #2
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I feel your pain.
I dont know, I guess as kids we were more carefree, less picky, and less judgemental.
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Old 10-16-2008, 04:48 PM   #3
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I think so. I think we cling to each other more when we are younger and as we get older, we just get in the way of ourselves. I have pondered this question for a few years now.

Growing up, and until college, I was a "social butterfly". I had many friends, in many different groups, and always had invitations to go somewhere, or someone I felt like I could call if I needed to talk. In undergraduate school, I had a boyfriend and two close friends, but besides them, it was always acquaintances from clubs and classes that never seemed to evolve into anything more even if I tried to reach out to them. Now I am finishing up graduate school, had to move back home, and I really have no friends and no one I could call to talk to or hang out with. It's lonely and sad and odd due to the fact that I always felt like when I was younger I had an overabundance of friends. I think we just get busier, less eager or energetic to make or stick to plans with one another, we form smaller cliques... I don't know though...
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Old 10-16-2008, 05:13 PM   #4
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My opinion is that as a kid you're happy to express yourself and be as outgoing as you dare. Sadly, society and life condition many of us to fear doing many things because of horrible outcomes. Maybe you're holding yourself back because you're scared they might not accept you? Who knows, but you're certainly not alone
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Old 10-16-2008, 05:16 PM   #5
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omg I feel the same way. I'm a sophomore in college.. and I'm not far from my hometown but in HS I made good friends (at the time) until we had a falling out and I cut out 2 of my best friends..
Now it seems like I meet people that are acquaintances and sometimes I feel could be good friends but it never gets beyond.. Just not the same type of people either. I know what you mean though, I was wondering what it is I need to do to make more friends.. maybe join more clubs? Organizations?
That's what I'm trying to do right now.. lol.
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Old 10-16-2008, 06:02 PM   #6
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I had many of the same feelings in grad school (I was done with classes about 5 years ago), and every now and then I still have that but not as much since I generally don't have time for a social life (with a full time job and two toddlers, I pretty much want to be alone whenever I get a chance!).

Anyway, for me I had some interesting issues in grad school. I dated a fellow grad student for 4 years, and then we broke up. When we dated we had a lot of the same friends and since I was in a relationship, I rarely felt lonely. But I felt really lonely after we broke up, when I was without that main relationship and also realized that most of our friends were really his friends. I had to do a lot of work on myself at that time. I was really depressed and was going through counseling. I remember saying something like "I just can't seem to make friends" and the counselor just said something like "You can't? Why not?" and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I realized that my inability to make friends was really due to me being afraid to try, being afraid of rejection.

So I started hanging out with a new grad student who lived near me, then the social group just started growing. We shared an interest in losing weight, and some of the other people would go to the university's rec center together. I started inviting people over to my apartment to watch Trading Spaces (back when it was good . Honestly, it just started with me making a little effort with one person.

Sorry, I guess I could write a book. I think that it is common to feel this way. Grad school can be a good time to build friendships, but I honestly found it was a lot harder than in college, and friends of mine who worked right after college noticed the same thing. I really think it's common, so don't beat yourself up about it. But if there's someone you think you could be friends with, just try to get something planned. You never know!
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Old 10-16-2008, 07:05 PM   #7
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yeah, i think once you get older and are in grad school - and/or have a job - and/or have kids, people are often "too busy" to make friends. And almost everyone I know here is at least two of those things (in school, working, or a parent) and many are all three!

amy you have a good point about iniating things - i made one attempt and nothing really came of it so I just kind of gave up.

anyway, it's really nice to know i'm not just lousy at making friends - i mean, that there are other people who feel this way, that it gets harder for various reasons as we "grow up." (which i'm seriously digging in my heels and trying not to do!! i don't wanna grow up!)
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Old 10-16-2008, 07:53 PM   #8
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Ugh, right there with you. I've been in California for SIX years and not a single friend. I thought I had one at one point, we actually did stuff outside of school, but as soon as we didn't have a class together she stopped returning my calls. *sigh* It's definitely lonely!
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Old 10-16-2008, 08:55 PM   #9
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I was just thinking about this. It's my bday party this weekend and almost everyone who's going to be there are my boyfriend's friend. Some of whom I knew before we started dating. But most of them will be his. I was thinking about who'd I like to invite and I could only come up with about 3 or 4 ppl. Unfortunately, all of them are busy. I feel kinda lame that most of the ppl at my party aren't really even my friends.

I'm trying to reach out to some of my old highschool friends now that we're all back in the same city, but it's hard. There are lots of people that I could reach out too, but I haven't. And now people don't really contact me anymore. It's tough. I really want to be a social butterfly, but I'm holding myself back. I blame my job which keeps me out of town usually 2 weeks a month, but in reality I just haven't made the effort and I know that I should. *sigh*
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Old 10-16-2008, 11:45 PM   #10
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I dunno..I've always been a loner, lol. Mostly because growing up I was extremely shy. I always had like one best friend. However, starting in junior high, I started making a lot more friends.

I hardly have any friends now. Which I dont really mind. I'm still good friends with all my high school peeps though. And whatcha know..I'm still sticking with that one friend thing, lol. (Well 2 if you count my dh, lol) I'm still a loner, lol.

OH..I have a TON of online friends LoL!!
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