why i am not happy?
i have spent some time pondering that thought. i was sure that it was cause my job didnt appreciate me, my husband doesnt show me he loves in the ways i want him to, my in laws take me for granted, my step daughter makes me crazy, i feel invisible eveywhere, my parents were not the cleavers.
in short, cause OTHER PEOPLE were failing me.
they were not doing things to make me feel valued, loved, supported, babied, coddled-----IMPORTANT.
does my husband love me? you bet he does. does he show that love in ways he can? yep. does my job appreciate me? no. but they pay me really well. do my in laws take me for granted? no more that i take them. the kid? she is a kid. enuff said. my parents? nutjobs but not in my life now.
i am not happy because i dont love myself. i dont value myself. i dont support myself. the babying? letting myself wallow in pity? yep. coddling myself? nope.
i dont respect myself enough to take care of me. and i want it to be EVERYBODY ELSE'S fault.
if i want to be spoiled and nurtured and coddled..................i have to do that for me.
if i want to lose weight? get off my a$$ and do it.
if i want to feel special because i am "good at something"? go out and find it.
and i am talking about simple things like a clean house, a clean car, a hobby, a haircut, ...............things we teach our kids to do.
so they can be grown ups.
other people can love us and support us. but they can not make us feel good about WHO WE ARE.
so i am on a journey to make me feel special.
whew.....that just bubbled out of me.