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why i am not happy (a total lightbulb moment)

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Old 10-06-2008, 02:31 PM   #1
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Lightbulb why i am not happy (a total lightbulb moment)

why i am not happy?

i have spent some time pondering that thought. i was sure that it was cause my job didnt appreciate me, my husband doesnt show me he loves in the ways i want him to, my in laws take me for granted, my step daughter makes me crazy, i feel invisible eveywhere, my parents were not the cleavers.

in short, cause OTHER PEOPLE were failing me.

they were not doing things to make me feel valued, loved, supported, babied, coddled-----IMPORTANT.

does my husband love me? you bet he does. does he show that love in ways he can? yep. does my job appreciate me? no. but they pay me really well. do my in laws take me for granted? no more that i take them. the kid? she is a kid. enuff said. my parents? nutjobs but not in my life now.

i am not happy because i dont love myself. i dont value myself. i dont support myself. the babying? letting myself wallow in pity? yep. coddling myself? nope.

i dont respect myself enough to take care of me. and i want it to be EVERYBODY ELSE'S fault.

if i want to be spoiled and nurtured and coddled..................i have to do that for me.

if i want to lose weight? get off my a$$ and do it.

if i want to feel special because i am "good at something"? go out and find it.

and i am talking about simple things like a clean house, a clean car, a hobby, a haircut, ...............things we teach our kids to do.

so they can be grown ups.

other people can love us and support us. but they can not make us feel good about WHO WE ARE.

so i am on a journey to make me feel special.

whew.....that just bubbled out of me.
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Old 10-06-2008, 02:35 PM   #2
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Default Just a thought...

How about Jesus?

Also, I find I'm my happiest when I'm helping others and not so concerned about myself. But yes, being comfortable and content with yourself is a very important factor to this.

I dont know... I can make myself happy, but I find it's fleeting. If I'm doing something for someone else or for the Almighty, it's much more fulfilling.

Good luck!
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Last edited by raw23 : 10-06-2008 at 02:38 PM.
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Old 10-06-2008, 02:48 PM   #3
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well.............God, Jesus and I are on very good terms.

but my point is that looking for affirmations from others as to my self worth is pointless.

and on a scriptural note....worry is a sin and for me to not love me as God does is pretty arrogant.

but thanks for your input!
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"Procrastination is a way for us to be satisfied with second-rate results; we can always tell ourselves we'd have done a better job if only we had more time..If you're good at rationalizing, you can keep yourself feeling rather satisfied this way, but it's a cheap happy. You're whittling your expectations of yourself down lower and lower" Richard O'Conner PhD.
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Old 10-06-2008, 02:50 PM   #4
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Those are such hard realizations to come to and accept. Serious big time kudos to you for not only getting there but for having the courage to post it here.

It's so hard to take responsibility for our own happiness - and a lot of that is because our society has become one where we are told that external things will make us happy. If we find the right job. If we marry the right person. If we make enough money. Whatever. That's the way our society works - and it's so damaging!!!!

Honestly, I know we don't really know each other, so this might not mean anything but ... wow. I'm just really proud of you for hitting this point.

.
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Old 10-06-2008, 02:54 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs dorson View Post
and on a scriptural note....worry is a sin and for me to not love me as God does is pretty arrogant.
Well, I didn't mean to get into anything...

But, I dont think I understand the correlation. Worry in the biblical context is worrying about things that God will take care of. "Let go, and let God" (He'll worry about it for you and take care of it for you). Scriptures also say to die to your self (your flesh) and love God more than yourself.
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Old 10-06-2008, 03:02 PM   #6
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You've made an important realization! Loving yourself and being comfortable with who you are is something I wish more people were good at. It's something I'll always be working on myself.

I think it's wonderful that you've been able to admit this and realize that you need to do something about this. One thing I always say, is you can't change other people or most situations, but you can change yourself and your reactions to things. It can be hard in practice to think this way, but just knowing and admitting it helps a lot.

Enjoy the journey!
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Old 10-06-2008, 03:07 PM   #7
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photochick..............thank you!

and while we dont "know" each other?

you get me and i appreciate that!

and i am being responsible for myself and accountable for my choices. for possibly the first time ever and i am not a young'un. and it really is simple things like cleaning the house for ME to come home to; not cause somebody is coming to visit. washing the bedsheets cause i like to smell clean soapy pillow cases; not cause i know i should. feathering my little nest (literally and figuratively) so i am a comfy bird because i deserve to feel safe, warm, secure and loved. and it is in my power to do these things. including paying bills when due and not procrastinating which then leads to worry and stress doing it at the last minute or forgetting and then being in a jam.

being a grown up is rough but it also rocks!
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Old 10-06-2008, 03:09 PM   #8
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Before this goes any further along these lines, I'd like to remind everyone that 3FC does not allow religious discussions or missionary work.

3FC does have a Faith-Based Support forum where people looking for like-minded support can hang out and support each other.

Jay
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Old 10-06-2008, 03:15 PM   #9
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I agree with Photochick. Good for you for taking responsibility for your own happiness. People spend a lifetime thinking that someone, or something else
is responsible for their lot in life.
You have come to an amazing realization.
I truly believe that "with awareness comes change".
You are now aware that you are able to make different choices and honour yourself and give yourself all the respect, love, appreciation & kudos that you deserve. What an amazing gift!
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Old 10-06-2008, 03:19 PM   #10
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zenor and tammy........thanks!

and jay? thank you! no offense taken on my part but that wasnt where i was headed with this!
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"Procrastination is a way for us to be satisfied with second-rate results; we can always tell ourselves we'd have done a better job if only we had more time..If you're good at rationalizing, you can keep yourself feeling rather satisfied this way, but it's a cheap happy. You're whittling your expectations of yourself down lower and lower" Richard O'Conner PhD.
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Old 10-06-2008, 05:02 PM   #11
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Amen, sister.
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