Handy Tips When Eating Out (humor)
 

Dieters face few challenges greater than a trip to a restaurant. Eating out is (or should be) an occasion and therefore, by definition, isn't the place to hold back. Unfortunately, eating out is sometimes a necessary evil and you'd be hard-pressed to find greater temptation anywhere. (Yeah ... nothing like paddling against the current for a week and then trying to use willpower to not climb on that motorboat.)

So to help you out through this difficult time, I've compiled this list:

1. Look the menu over carefully. If you simply cannot find anything to suit your diet, just order water with a slice of lemon. Because, yeah, that's the same thing as the burrito supreme.
2. After the maitre d' seats you and your waiter comes over to list the specials, stop him and ask, "Where am I?" If he replies, "McDonald's" then you should go somewhere else.
3. Today's portion sizes are large. Find out if it's okay to split the cheeseburger between you and your twelve friends.
4. When ordering a salad, always make sure you get the dressing on the side. If you're asked specifically which side, I recommend the side of the road.
5. Pizza can actually be a healthy food! When asked what toppings you'd like, be sure leave off the pepperoni, sausage, chicken, ham, bacon, pineapple, onions, green peppers, mushrooms, cheese, and sauce. Ask about their low-fat, low-carb crusts.
6. Restaurants delight in hiding bad foods behind frilly words. In the dish descriptions, steer clear when you see terms like, fried, crispy, creamy, juicy, wonderful, delicious, tantalizing, heavenly, savory, etc.

There you go. You'll thank me later.