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Old 07-23-2008, 10:13 PM   #1
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:22 PM   #2
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OMG I can't believe she said that. I was not in a position to stay home with either of mine, and to be honest, I don't know if I would have been that good at it. I have nothing but respect for the women who do stay home with their children. But crap...a detriment to society
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:25 PM   #3
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:29 PM   #4
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I don't have kids. I will never have kids. I have no desire to be a SAHM. I never wanted to give up my career.

BUT. (and please forgive me for saying this)

Your sister is a lunatic.

A huge part of being a feminist (in my book) is having the freedom to CHOOSE. To choose to have a career. To choose to have children and stay home. To choose to have both. None of the options are lesser ... none of them are a detriment to society. They are all a symbol of the wonderful choices we have to make our lives what we want them to be.

I think your sister probably has some growing up to do.

I can't imagine how annoyed you must be. Hang in there. Breathe deep. Remember that shortly you won't have to live with her.

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Old 07-23-2008, 10:38 PM   #5
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:42 PM   #6
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WOW.. I agree with you in this day and age, with how high the cost of living is in most places, it is a PRIVILEGE now for many women to be able to stay at home with your kids if you are able to do so financially. I will probably never be able to do so myself due to the unstability of my husband's paychecks which are commission based but I have chosen a career in teaching where I will feel fulfilled but it is a bit more geared towards being "family friendly" hopefully. It sounds like your sister has a bit of growing up to do and has high expectations. I can sympathize not wanting to feel like your husband's maid though and that is a very common thing to fight about in the first years of marriage since my husband and I have done that as well since my husband is very very messy and I came from a home where you could perform a white glove test on anything and the glove wouldn't be dirty at all afterwards lol. But you are right you cannot say anything since you are staying there as a guest. Just hang in there. Hope you're feeling better too!
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:44 PM   #7
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I've lived with my husband for nearly 3 years and been married for nearly 2 and we never really fight. We do get slightly annoyed with eachother but we never yell at eachoter. I think that stage isn't inevitable although we'll see what I have to say in another year

1) Part of taking care of a household is the responsibility of people that live in that household.

2) If you don't want kids, then you shouldn't have them.

3) Being a SAHM isn't for everyone, even for those that want kids.

For me, the last thing I'd want to do is be a SAHM. Even if we did have kids, we'd have to figure something out because I have no desire to be at home full time.
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:10 PM   #8
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I am not a "SAHM" -- I work part-time from home and my husband busts his a** so that I can be here for my kids -- there is no such thing as a "SAHM" -- I am a mediator, supervisor, health care aide, and even, dare I say, a housekeeper!!

Your sister has a lot to learn about being a parent/spouse. It is a shared duty -- at this point -- my husband earns most of the money and I take care of the kids -- that's our arrangement. I am not less of a woman for doing what I do. I have a 24-hour a day job -- I'm up at night with babies and sick kids and up in the morning to take care of everyone. I would like your sister to have to pay for the hours I work

I would love for her to spend one week shadowing me -- I would doubt she could handle it . I truly believe some kids are better off with their mom's working -- her's may just be some of them

You have my sympathy for having to stay there 25 more days -- but I have to say that was awesome of them to let you live with them (I give her a point for that!!). Just remember this comment when/if they eventually have kids -- because you will need to be an amazing aunt to make up for where she lacks!

(P.S. -- I've been married 11 years -- I don't recall any period where we fought all the time -- don't believe that is part of marriage, I'm sure you will be a better example some day!!)

I have a high level of respect for you -- even with the parents you seem to have had, you still have a positive perspective on SAHM -- thanks!! Besides, I think both jobs are difficult, yet have their rewards -- whether you stay at home with the kids or return to work.
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:17 PM   #9
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:21 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nelie View Post
I've lived with my husband for nearly 3 years and been married for nearly 2 and we never really fight. We do get slightly annoyed with eachother but we never yell at eachoter. I think that stage isn't inevitable although we'll see what I have to say in another year
Nelie, youve always come off as a very calm person in your posts

I agree entirely with photochick about feminism being about choice. And I respect women and men who are able to stay at home with their children and take care of the household. I know personally that it is something I would probably dread, which is all the more reason why I admire people who can do it well especially because it is not in any way an easy job.

I really get put off by situations in which wives or women stay at home in which the driving reason is old traditions that are truly disempowering to women - you know, the domestic wife and manly breadwinner culture. In which the woman may want to have a job outside of the home but the husband doesnt consent, approve, or is otherwise controlling and the partnership is not one of mutual equality, empowerment, and respsect. It breaks my heart to see children raised in such environments. But that is a different situation than when women choose to and wish to become SAHMs.
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:32 PM   #11
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Wow! I don't think I have anything to add about those "detriment to society" moms (unbelievable!), but I do want to say that the fighting is not an unavoidable stage. I've been married going on 16 years, and we did kind of rub each other the wrong way around the 7 year mark, but if you have good communication, you get through everything!
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Old 07-24-2008, 12:01 AM   #12
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I imagine some of what your sister is saying comes from your childhood....and I would imagine that some of the "fighting" going on is just a lack of maturity...but either way...

something tells me KIDDO....

that you are going to be just fine as you continue through to being an adult....just fine
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Old 07-24-2008, 12:10 AM   #13
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I surely, surely hope so Gary! I'm trying!


And it warms my heart to hear that, Auntie G.
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Old 07-24-2008, 12:49 AM   #14
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First of all, while my first husband and I did fight all the time...which explains why he is my ex...

My second (current/last/only ever) husband and I have never fought in our 7 years of marriage. I am still blissfully happy and very much in love with him.

So don't think all newlyweds fight after a few years.

Secondly, and forgive me for being so blunt (rude), but your sister is petulant, selfish and lazy, in addition to being rude and unthinking.

Thankfully you won't have to live with her much longer.
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Old 07-24-2008, 06:06 AM   #15
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OMG..That is a ignorant thing to say. I hope your 25 days go by very fast. Hopefully when & if she ever has kids, her way of thinking will change.
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