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At 29 I might have to move back home, and I feel awful about it! :(

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Old 07-11-2008, 10:40 AM   #1
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Default At 29 I might have to move back home, and I feel awful about it! :(

To save some money, I might move back home. I can't believe it. Can't believe I"m even thinking about it. Here's the thing though, I can't afford a nice place on my own, and even in a small cramped apt, I would have to pinch pennies and not be able to save anything.

By this time in my life, I have always thought I would be in a house with my own family by now, and now, I may be moving back into my childhood home, so I can save money, to hopefully actually move into a house someday.

I'm scared people will judge me when I tell them I moved home. I'm scared it will put my non existing dating life into an even blacker hole. Both my younger siblings are married and own homes. It just makes me feel so blah.

I hope I make the right descion. I just wanted to vent about it for a second.
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Old 07-11-2008, 10:46 AM   #2
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It really is VERY common! I know a lot of people that move home at some point in their 20's to get things together. It's ok!!! I'm sure you will back on your feet in no time!

You are not alone. It's just a sign of the times we're living in.
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Old 07-11-2008, 10:59 AM   #3
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I'd like to see you come up with alternatives for NOT moving back home. Aren't there some things you could do? Apply for a new job? Get a second job? Find a place where you could share costs with roommates?

Although these days a lot of people find themselves facing rough spots, you're at an age where you need to be on your own. I think that moving home would be a mistake for you.

Good luck...
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:03 AM   #4
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I think there is nothing wrong with moving back home temporarily. I moved back home in my early 20s for a short period of time. My husband also moved back home for a short period of time when he was around 30.

I think it can help you plan, focus and help figure out what the best options are for you. I wouldn't think of it as a long term solution and wouldn't do it without an exit plan but it isn't always a bad idea.

My advice is - pay rent to your parents as well to yourself. Make sure you are budgeting and saving money.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:04 AM   #5
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Yeah, it seriously isn't a big deal. I have had friends that at 27 went back to live with their parents for the same reason. For the 2 that this happened to, both had just ok jobs and terrible credit and one had to file for bankruptcy. Basically, they both felt the same way you did, but now a year later, one of them is taking out loans to finish up her degree and another got a better job and moved back out. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of savings and time to go a long way.

You definitely are not alone.

1. I am 28, married, taking out about $180,000 to fund dental school (literally), living 600 miles away from my parents and my brother and I miss them a lot despite having my own place, a husband etc. Everything is a trade off.

2. My brother is 31 and he still lives with my parents (never moved out). He has a great job as an electrical engineer and JUST bought his own place (still not living there). No one judges him because not having expenses has made him probably the richest out of all of his friends I sometimes wish I wouldn't have moved away so soon.

Actually, I get judged more for moving away from everyone

Good luck! If I was in your situation, I wouldn't hesitate to move back... of course I know it is difficult, but you are doing the right thing and it will likely REALLY benefit your future. This is NOT a failure, this is a VERY intelligent move.

About the dating thing... it may be easier if you have your own place... but if people are going to judge you not by the person you are, but by if you live with your parents or not... are they really the kind of person you want to date?

I stick by my motto. I only have a man because I know I don't need one.

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Old 07-11-2008, 11:23 AM   #6
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Don't fret! I'm 31 and I'm moving back in with my mom. I lived with her for most of my 20's. After my Dad died, she was lonely and she doesn't make tons of money, so I paid 1/2 of the expenses and our relationship morphed from mother - daughter to more of a roommate situation. Actually our relationship improved when I moved in as an adult. I moved back out a year ago to get a place with my boyfriend because we were living 28 miles apart and really wanted to be closer together. I've loved living with him, but he was recently laid off and the job options in our town in his field are nil. When our lease ends at the end of the month, he's moving to another city (which breaks my heart!) and I'll be going back to Mom's. She's actually looking forward to the income and my cooking since she doesn't cook at all anymore. I'll probably stay there for 6 months or so while I finish my degree and save money. Then if the boyfriend is settled in his new city, I'll uproot my life and join him there.

I totally agree with nelie, pay your folks so you don't feel like a leech and pay yourself too. That will help you on your road to financial stability. And I'm sure your parents will feel better having you stay with them than in some potentially not so nice area that you can afford on your own.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:47 AM   #7
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That's not a big deal at all. It's a smart move especially considering the economic climate. I don't know why there is such a stigma about adults living with your folks in the US. In Europe it is very common. Quite a few people I know lived with their parents until their late 20's and saved enough money for a good down payment on their own homes. I see rent as wasted money unless you are paying it to your parents.

As long as you're not free loading and taking advantage of your parents and you are actively doing things to make your life better in the future I don't see how anyone could judge you for that.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:54 AM   #8
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I'm 28 and my boyfriend of 4 years and I recently moved in with my mom to save money. We were flushing almost $1000 a month down the toilet renting a crappy apartment and I thought to myself, we'll never be able to save any money this way. My mom made the offer, and almost insisted. Yes, it's always a little difficult moving back in with your parents. Sometimes I desperately wish we were back in our apartment, but most of the time I'm grateful that we got the chance and are putting away LOTS of money. We plan to stay for a couple more years to really get a good savings started. It's the best decision I ever made.

And as a side note, I have MANY friends who wasted their money away renting for too long only to jump into a house they can't afford. All of them are REALLY struggling right now financially. It's really a great idea, so don't feel bad about it! You're being responsible.
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:26 PM   #9
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Don't feel bad about even thinking about it. If it's something you need to do, just do it. Like others have stated above, this isn't an uncommon thing. I'm sure your parents would rather you move back home than continue to struggle and suffer on your own. Sometimes ya just gotta do whatcha gotta do.

Do what feels right for you. Good luck with your decision.
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:49 PM   #10
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Hm, interesting point--have your parents invited you to move back home?

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Old 07-11-2008, 01:54 PM   #11
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these are difficult economic times for a lot of people. prices are soaring and salaries are not. I'm sure your parents would rather you move back temporarily rather than dig yourself into a deep hole of debt trying to make ends meet.

(gulp, holding my breath that my 27 yo dd doesn't get this idea)
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Old 07-11-2008, 02:10 PM   #12
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My husband's niece is your age and just moved back home after living on her own for years. She makes very decent money but really wants to buy a house and this is the only way she can save enough to afford one. I don't think anything is wrong w/doing this at all but move back with a plan. Don't just move back 'till whenever'. Have a clear budget and plan for how much you will pay your parents (DO NOT free-load) and what you will save. Set a timeline and start looking for houses as your deadline approaches. If you think of this a a temporary solution to your problem it may help you view moving back home differently.

As a side note, my brother is 50 years old, not married, has his own condo and over the past two years has had health problems and has temporarily moved in w/my folks off and on. Mostly it was for emotional and nutritional support (he literally needed someone to take care of him for a bit).

I don't see 'moving back home' as a step backwards or anything at all. Just don't let 'temporarily' turn into 'forever'.
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Old 07-11-2008, 02:31 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll View Post
I'd like to see you come up with alternatives for NOT moving back home. Aren't there some things you could do? Apply for a new job? Get a second job? Find a place where you could share costs with roommates?

Although these days a lot of people find themselves facing rough spots, you're at an age where you need to be on your own. I think that moving home would be a mistake for you.

Good luck...
Jay
While it is less than desirable, there have been several articles on this phenomenon of grown children having to move back in with their parents for a time, especially post-graduation and especially if you are repaying student loans. Even before the economy tanked, graduates faced a market where their starting salaries simply wouldn't cover living expenses AND student loan payments. My fiance has a $600 a month loan payment and I am looking at about $400. We both funded our own educations, but combined, that's a mortgage payment.

We hear all the time from our "elders" that we *should* have a house and more, but that just isn't possible. If I did not live with my fiance and vice versa, it would be extremely tight and one of us (most likely me) would have ended up back home, at least for a few months in order to get above water.
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Old 07-11-2008, 03:32 PM   #14
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The idea that people "should" have a house is somewhat outdated at the moment...

I paid off my student loan without moving home...

When I was in my 20s, I left grad school to "find myself," and I wanted to move back home. But my mother said no. She said I was an adult and I should have my own place. Ultimately, I think she was right. She wouldn't have tolerated my bringing dates home, for example. And I learned that I had to support myself.

I'm not saying the OP should do one thing or the other--because I don't really know her circumstances. But I do think that moving home seems to be much more an "automatic" option these days, and I'm not sure that's a good thing--for parents or children.

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Old 07-11-2008, 03:54 PM   #15
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Quote:
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The idea that people "should" have a house is somewhat outdated at the moment...

I paid off my student loan without moving home...

When I was in my 20s, I left grad school to "find myself," and I wanted to move back home. But my mother said no. She said I was an adult and I should have my own place. Ultimately, I think she was right. She wouldn't have tolerated my bringing dates home, for example. And I learned that I had to support myself.

I'm not saying the OP should do one thing or the other--because I don't really know her circumstances. But I do think that moving home seems to be much more an "automatic" option these days, and I'm not sure that's a good thing--for parents or children.

Jay

We've been hearing the house-buying bit for a while, even before the crash, which has been a recent (yet inevitable) development. In hindsight, I'm glad I stayed a renter

I do agree it's more automatic these days, but I also think it's so much easier to become financially overwhelmed. If we had purchased a home in 2005, I can't imagine the trouble we may be in, especially now that my loan payments have been added to the mix. And while I certainly know my fair share of "freeloaders", I also think that in some cases, parents can be served by having a grown child at home for a bit. I know if I had to move back in with my mother (who is disabled), I would certainly be devoting a lot of time to taking care of her. I agree, leaving the nest is a very important part of adulthood, but why destroy yourself financially in your 20's if you can spend a relatively short amount of time learning how to keep above water?

It sounds like you benefited greatly from your mother's decision to not let you move back home. I'm glad it was such a powerful learning experience for you
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