trust me this friend means just that.... IMPOTENT as in NO ERECTION.
Ok, but having an erection is not the ONLY way to have sex. I mean, I'm trying not to be too graphic here, but we're all grownups and I'm sure we can all get the gist.
And that's my point. Even if my SO were unable to get an erection at all ever, there are still other ways that we can pleasure each other. Ok, so he might not be able to orgasm, but I would hope that wouldn't mean that he would decide that I should forego orgasms along with him for the rest of my life. Just as if for some reason I was injured in some way that prevented me from being able to have penetrative sex and orgasm, I'd still want to make sure that my life partner received attention and pleasure. I'd not want to doom him to a life of no sexual contact.
Ok, but having an erection is not the ONLY way to have sex. I mean, I'm trying not to be too graphic here, but we're all grownups and I'm sure we can all get the gist.
And that's my point. Even if my SO were unable to get an erection at all ever, there are still other ways that we can pleasure each other. Ok, so he might not be able to orgasm, but I would hope that wouldn't mean that he would decide that I should forego orgasms along with him for the rest of my life. Just as if for some reason I was injured in some way that prevented me from being able to have penetrative sex and orgasm, I'd still want to make sure that my life partner received attention and pleasure. I'd not want to doom him to a life of no sexual contact.
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oh I agree. i was horrified when she told me if she could not have intercouse she would divorce him.
I grew up fat, so I did (and still do, to a large degree) a lot of "living in my head." I always treated my body like a kind of useless appendage and I NEVER had a boyfriend before my fiance, or did anything sexual with anyone else. In many ways, I feel I'm very "reserved" sexually -- I would like to change that, but as I said, I'm still VERY much always "in my head." I know the brain is the most sexual organ, but a lot of my problem is discomfort at being touched in sexual ways.
I don't know if that makes sense, but I think that's why I have a "low" sex drive... or rather... I don't have a low sex drive. I'm into it/interested in it, etc. but when it comes to actually DOING it... I tend to freeze up. I'm trying to fix this, but it is difficult.
So I hope that when I get older, I will have these issues under control and I WILL be more active than I am now.
Hopefully my explanations will help you understand those with lower drives.
In the same way that YOU (and others with a higher drive) can't understand NOT wanting to do it...those of us with lower drives can't see what the fuss is all about.
In all honesty, many things affect my drive (or lack of one).
~For some reason, I don't equate sex with intimacy. I just don't. Honestly, it is more intimate for me to kiss and cuddle and talk, than it is for me to have sex. For some reason, I have always felt this way. It reminds me of the movie "Pretty Woman" where Julia Roberts and her hooker friend have the no kissing rule...so that they don't fall for clients.
~Small children. My drive wasn't big before, but add three kids (9, 7, and 1) and I don't want anyone else pawing at me and wanting anything from me. Especially when the kids were infants and I was breastfeeding and holding them for hours a day. At the end of the day, I am "touched OUT".
~I am not a super affectionate person...physically. I am not one of the friends that comes up and hugs you every time they see you...someone who is physical with others. I am just not. I have friends who I have had for years, whom I have never hugged. However, if they ever needed anything-I would be right there to help them move furniture, watch their children, bring them meals after a hospital stay, or whatever they need.
~For some reason, my husband and I are VERY fertile. As in, it took a total of 5 tries to get 3 children, and one of them was with birth control.
Jasmine was conceived in 3 tries, Raiden on the first try, and Saber with birth control (definitely not planned!) during a time when we were in the middle of a relocation, and my husband was not even living with us. At the time, he was at the new job, and I was trying to sell the old house, staying there alone with the kids. He came back for a weekend visit, and viola-I get pregnant.
Add to that, the fact that my SMALLEST and easiest baby to deliver was a 9 pound, 3 oz preemie a full 5 weeks early (would have been 11ish full term) and numerous health issues (with me) because of it with each pregnancy. I don't want to do that again. If there was any interest at all, having 9+ and 10+ pound babies cure it pretty quick.
~I have OCD. That is also a good damper on the sex drive, especially for someone with my particular issues. I don't see sex as some fabulous, intimate thing...more like an inconvenience, keeping me from sleeping or getting something else done.
Now, I am not at the level that your ex was...I do give in to obligation sex *laughs* and I do OCCASIONALLY get in the mood, but honestly, I initiate sex maybe 2x a year.
Sounds like you just described me!!
I just think sex and everything that goes along with it are overrated. I agree that kissing, cuddling, etc., is way more intimate.
It's amazing to me the affectionate or sexual things (even pet names) most Americans find traumatizing or wierd, yet we can go watch and allow our children to watch extreme violence.
I'm the opposite. I'd rather my children be open and understanding of the risks, responsibilities and pleasures of sex and keep them away from the violence.
True I shield my youngest from sex too but she IS only 5. My 18 year old is quite different.
It's amazing to me the affectionate or sexual things (even pet names) most Americans find traumatizing or wierd, yet we can go watch and allow our children to watch extreme violence. I'm the opposite. I'd rather my children be open and understanding of the risks, responsibilities and pleasures of sex and keep them away from the violence.
This dissonance is something I find repulsive and damaging. Violence=ok, but, cover your eyes! someone is making out on the big screen! I don't think that healthy, normal affection should not be hidden. When my DD has asked me anything, I've answered every question honestly and in a developmentally appropriate manner. Why would anyone not do the same? To lie outright or lie by omission only sets them up for trouble.
I think any parent who doesn't make sure that their children are sexually aware in a developmentally appropriate manner is negligent and risks half-truths being shared by peers and the media being accepted as reality. Scary!
It's amazing to me the affectionate or sexual things (even pet names) most Americans find traumatizing or wierd, yet we can go watch and allow our children to watch extreme violence.
I'm the opposite. I'd rather my children be open and understanding of the risks, responsibilities and pleasures of sex and keep them away from the violence.
True I shield my youngest from sex too but she IS only 5. My 18 year old is quite different.
I am not wierd about pet names in general (DH and I have them) my wierdness is with the pet names being "Mom" "Daddy" etc. when referring to your partner...because my DAD is my dad...not my spouse, someone I am intimate with.
I also am not saying that I think that seeing parents, grandparents, etc. being generally affectionate towards one another is traumatizing...but having my grandfather ask me how much sex I was having, or giving me advice about it, now that is another situation entirely.
but having my grandfather ask me how much sex I was having, or giving me advice about it, now that is another situation entirely.
Heh. When my husband and I moved in together (before we were married) I had a discussion with his mom about it over the breakfast table one morning. I hadn't even finished my first cup of coffee and she said "I think it's a good thing to move in together first. I wish it hadn't been taboo when I was your age. You know why I married K's dad? SEX!!"
I nearly spit my coffee all over the table. And then we both cracked up as she said "you probably don't want to hear about my sex life!"
Well, it would be different in a culture where sex was considered just a normal part of life instead of this big taboo thing. Unfortunately, the Abrahamic religions seem to consider sex to have been humankind's downfall, so already in Western culture we're in deep weeds...
Still, in virtually all belief systems, there is such a thing as sexual misconduct.
....but having my grandfather ask me how much sex I was having, or giving me advice about it, now that is another situation entirely.
Why? I'm just curious and trying to understand here.
I know it probably wouldn't bother me if my mother-in-law or my father (grandparents are deceased) said something like that. I might disagree with something said...my father is in his late 70s, but it wouldn't make me feel wierd.
I mean...I already know my father had sex (and a lot of it!). I -am- the youngest of 8. He's also been married 3 times and outlived his first 2 wives. When he married his current wife, he called me the day before and asked my permission (can you believe it?) and told me point blank they didn't believe in sleeping together until they were married. Basically saying, without saying it, that they wanted to have sex. I thought it was kinda cute since they were both in their early 70s.
I don't know my mother-in-law as well but I doubt I'd feel wierd with her asking either. Again...I -know- she had sex, my husband is the middle son of five.
You know the talks were never raunchy or filled with details. Just hints and tips. Conversations filled with love and concern. They wanted us to be joyful and happy in all areas of our life. We knew they had seen lots of heart ache with 2 world wars, imigrating to Canada in the 50's and many more. They began to see changes/trends in society that did not clearly guarantee in thier eyes/perception that would aid in our over all joy in life. And wanted better for us and felt communicating and helping to problem solve, and guide us with thier wisdom was the best gift they could give. Traditionally is that not what elders of a clan did?
my mom and I talked about it. when my younger son was a baby (so about 22 years ago) we were shopping at a grocery store and mom picked up a 12 pack of encare oval lubricating suppositories... tossed them in the cart and shrugged as she said "well there's a year's supply" LOL poor mom...
after she died and dad started dating he met a lady and when they decided to move in together he called me and said "your father is going to be living in sin"
my daughter at about age 13 came to me and said "mommy i've never seen a penis" and I said "would you LIKE TO?" and she said yes so off to google images we went... both flaccid and errect...
my husband and i flirt and tease with sexual undertones in front of her all the time... and now at 16 we talk with her about who and what would be an appropriate person time and place to have sex.... i'm pushing her to wait as long as possible.... so far so good.
Why? I'm just curious and trying to understand here.
Because there are particular people in my life, that I wish not to discuss those matters with. Discussing sex with my grandparents, well, I would rather not. However, I am fully open to discussing it with my mother, close friends, everyone here at 3FC, and so on. I am just not comfortable discussing my sex life with my grandparents, my father, my brother, and my in laws. There are just certain people that I am not comfortable discussing that part of my life with.
A sexual comment, joke, etc. doesn't bother me...I make them myself, but there are just certain people that I am not comfortable discussing these things with...and it has nothing to do with religion, culture, sin, or anything like that. I just don't want to have those conversations with certain people in particular.
I don't want anyone to think that I am some kind of a prude (absolutely not...I have VERY liberal sexual views) but it is more about my relationship with the person, and what sort of a relationship that is, that makes me comfortable or not comfortable. I am VERY open and comfortable talking with my mother about these things...but my dad, no way-not EVER. (They are divorced...)
So...back to the original question, if people in their 70's are still interested in sex?
That would depend on the people we're talking about. It depends on what they were used to before they hit the 70's. It also depends on what they're feeling when the hit that age. I know my Grandmother still has guys that hit on her all the time.
Sexuality in my life is very open. Always has been. My DH is the same way. I'm sure when we hit our 70's we'll still be extremely sexually active as we are now if not more. He's 10 years older than me so I guess I'll check with him when he gets there before me.
