Okay...many of you that have been paying attention to my threads may have noticed that the last couple months have been a nightmare for me with my kids in school and fitting in, etc. Today its back to my daughter.
So, last night she had 8th grade graduation. Its the first time she's been excited about being at school in a long time. She got a 99 on her Spanish final! YAY!! She's been slowly getting closer with a few girls...most of her anxiety has revolved around her not feeling like she's fit in, even since first grade when we moved here...and is invited to a birthday party this weekend.
In graduation, they have a slide presentation where everyone is supposed to bring a picture of themselves as a baby and one of them currently and a couple more pictures...she was so excited about a picture of her and my husband and my son at a Sabres game and a cute-as-ever picture of her as a baby. Well, the entire slide presentation goes on and every kid in the class's slide goes by but Shelley's. They totally omitted her slide. I'm sure it was just an innocent mistake to have forgotten her, but she's, literally, seeing a therapist for not feeling like she fits in...and now this. She sobbed all the way home and begged me to either home school her (we're back to that again) or move away because she never wants to go back to that school again.
I just don't know what to do....but I just needed to vent. I'm so mad.
Aaawww, I don't really have any advice or anything, just wanted to say lots of hugs to your daughter. That's terrible even if it was an innocent mistake. Wonder why they didn't get hers though. Lots of hugs
Is the school aware of how upset she is, and that she's seeing a counsellor? I'm guessing they must be? In which case, I think I'd be going medieval on someone's arse at about this point, because that's TOTALLY UNPROFESSIONAL.
I mean, I know we all screw up, and I feel bad for them (I'm a teacher myself) but they definitely should get a bollocking for this, and be alert to how much damage that piece of carelessness has caused.
Last edited by broadabroad; 06-26-2008 at 08:55 AM.
Well, I sent the principal and the teacher in charge and they both apologized. the principal has been aware of Shelley going to the therapist since before I started taking her there because Shelley was missing so much school, sick with anxiety attacks. The teacher in charge of the slide show told me that he had a team of 8th grade students putting together the show and had them double and triple check that all the students were included and he admitted that he should have checked it himself, but trusted the kids to do a good job of it. I'm still mad, but I had her giggling about it yesterday saying, "Isn't it fitting that the girl that's seeing a therapist for anxiety attacks because she doesn't fit in has her slide omitted from the presentation?" in a it-can-only-happen-to-Shelley sort of way. So, we're trying to focus on the positive, like that she got a 99% on her dreaded NYS Spanish final (woohoo!!) and that she's been invited to a sleep over, pool party birthday party on Saturday night. And we're putting together an awesome lemonade stand for her and my son to work at together this summer in front of my barber shop. So, we're trying to remain positive and put it behind us.
My DD is about her same age/grade and has anxiety too, so I really understand what it's like to parent a girl who has anxiety and feels left out at times.
You responded MARVELOUSLY to this, were an advocate for your daughter and then presented it in an ironically humorous manner to your daughter, and I have to say, WELL DONE!
I am glad she did so well in school with her final and that she has been invited to social gatherings!
Is she in any extra curricular activities away from the school? I absolutely hated school when I was her age. My family was falling apart around that age, and I hated pretending like everything was okay all day around my friends, and ended up just alienating myself until they started alienating me too. It was awful. I ended up dropping out just after my freshman year of high school. (But I'm 19 and a college sophomore now, with a lot of money in my savings account from working three back to back jobs for the three years before college, so I guess it's not -all- terrible...)
It's usually easier to make friends if you're at something where you're all there because of a common interest. Beginning dance classes, yoga classes, swim meets - anything where they've already got something in common so it's less of a popularity game. There aren't boys around to try and compete against eachother for attention, and it's generally a smaller close knit group. Something that if she goes three times a week to, she'll feel like she's part of the group - and then even if she's having a terrible time AT school, once she gets out at the end of the day, she's got something else to look forward to with a new group of friends.
That'd be my recommendation. I feel so sad for your daughter though.
I've got a similar situation with a family friend of ours. She's Bosnian and just moved to the states a few years ago. She's going in to 9th grade next year, and not adapting well to "American life" at all. She's going to come stay with me at college for a few weeks, so she can meet my group of friends (even though we're all older) and it'll at least make her look forward to college enough to suffer through high school. I'm making her a myspace so I can keep in contact better with her (and build up her self-esteem from afar!) , since she's in Maryland and I'm in Alaska. I'm going to have my friends add her so she can get used to our 'group' and not be intimidated when she comes to visit by being surrounded by a lot of older strangers. Hopefully it'll work out....
Good luck to you and your's. If you've got any advice for me on my little foster-one (that's what we're calling her for when she's with me) I'd love to hear it.
Oh I hope your daughter is starting to feel better. Have you also thought of arranging a sleep-over in your place as well? Kids that invite her would love to be invited back (because they also might feel, secretly, they are not fitting in). It makes them feel she wants to be friends as well.
As you can see TECH...IGLOO GIRL and GREEK GIRL are SMART! and give great advice.
I have been reading and thinking about you current posts about the kids. I do remember you telling me several times that there is not a lot of choices for the kids. I will, again, suggest church youth groups...but for the boy...is there a scouting group in the area? Maybe doing those types of activities with other males will help with his issue...you know, that male bonding thing...boys don't cry in front of other boys...just a thought.
I really don't have much to offer that hasn't been said...as you know...probably a good thing!
Is she in any extra curricular activities away from the school? I absolutely hated school when I was her age. My family was falling apart around that age, and I hated pretending like everything was okay all day around my friends, and ended up just alienating myself until they started alienating me too. It was awful. I ended up dropping out just after my freshman year of high school. (But I'm 19 and a college sophomore now, with a lot of money in my savings account from working three back to back jobs for the three years before college, so I guess it's not -all- terrible...)
My daughter is at the alienating herself stage. Which is what worries me.
It's usually easier to make friends if you're at something where you're all there because of a common interest. Beginning dance classes, yoga classes, swim meets - anything where they've already got something in common so it's less of a popularity game. There aren't boys around to try and compete against eachother for attention, and it's generally a smaller close knit group. Something that if she goes three times a week to, she'll feel like she's part of the group - and then even if she's having a terrible time AT school, once she gets out at the end of the day, she's got something else to look forward to with a new group of friends.
Not much to do around here extra-curricular wise. Although the high school is getting together with a neighboring school to put together a varsity girls hockey team this fall that I'm going to insist on her joining. She tried volleyball and hated it, but she's completely obsessed with hockey, so I hope she flies with that.
That'd be my recommendation. I feel so sad for your daughter though.
I've got a similar situation with a family friend of ours. She's Bosnian and just moved to the states a few years ago. She's going in to 9th grade next year, and not adapting well to "American life" at all. She's going to come stay with me at college for a few weeks, so she can meet my group of friends (even though we're all older) and it'll at least make her look forward to college enough to suffer through high school. I'm making her a myspace so I can keep in contact better with her (and build up her self-esteem from afar!) , since she's in Maryland and I'm in Alaska. I'm going to have my friends add her so she can get used to our 'group' and not be intimidated when she comes to visit by being surrounded by a lot of older strangers. Hopefully it'll work out....
Good luck to you and your's. If you've got any advice for me on my little foster-one (that's what we're calling her for when she's with me) I'd love to hear it.
I'm sure that having your foster-one hang out with better-adjusted, non-clicky college students will do wonders to improve her image of American youth. High school kids can be a total nightmare.
Lots of hugs. Sorry she's sad
Gary: As for my son, I had the boy scouts come last weekend for a bottle/can drive and asked about cub scouts and they said there wasn't a pack formed at the moment. They suggested I start a pack. After five years of girl scouts, my husband would divorce me.
On the other hand, I have signed my son up for football this fall, so I think that will be fun for him and a definite boys club!!
PLS: My house is far too much of a domestic disaster to invite anyone other than my most unorganized/messy friends over to visit. Until I can have at least two days off with no kids (which won't happen until September now that they're home for summer) there will be no allowing anyone 'new' to my house. Although I may consider a multi-kid trip to the local pool!
Once again...schools...need to vent!
