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How to Be Comfortable Dating

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Old 06-21-2008, 08:26 PM   #1
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Old 06-21-2008, 08:31 PM   #2
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Life's short...Go for it...but never settle
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Old 06-21-2008, 08:52 PM   #3
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Go for it. If you have self-confidence issues that won't go away just because you're at your goal weight. It's a constant process and you have to be constantly be working with yourself. Some people are just totally comfortable with themselves...sure, they may want to lose some weight, but their still confident and don't let it get in their way.

And yes, it's very possible you may be rejected and crash and burn but you'll survive it. It'll suck, but you'll power through. That way at least you won't have any regrets.

In high school I developed feelings for one of my really good guy friends but never said anything because I was afraid of rejection (I was probably 150-160lbs then but still had no self-confidence) even though everyone was convinced he liked me too. Never said anything or did anything about it and I always kinda wonder what would've happened if I'd just bit the bullet and told him the truth. As bad as rejection would've felt I think not getting closure is worse now. It's been 5 years and I still find myself wondering about a guy I haven't seen in 3...

And that's my long-winded answer that's telling you to just go for it. I think being in a relationship with a good guy may even help your self confidence in the long run.
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Old 06-21-2008, 09:44 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vikkivma View Post
My weight has been a huge obstacle in my social life - especially with men. Even when I was thin and felt great about myself, I was still very shy when it came to flirting. Naturally when I don't feel confident about my appearance, I completely shut down.

Now I'm in a situation where I'm pretty sure a guy likes me (and he definitely isn't bothered by the weight - he makes comments about how gross skinny girls are, etc.) but I'm not sure how to approach it.

I know I should just "get over" my self-image, but I'm worried that if I put myself in a place where he can flat-out reject me, and I have to put myself out there, that I'll end up kind of crashing.

On the other hand, I want to actually have a boyfriend and my first kiss before I'm thirty. Yeah - my weight's been a big obstacle.

Any advice? Should I just go for it, even though I'm not close to my goal weight yet, or should I wait until I'm more comfortable with myself?

Vikkima, you are writting my story! Like you, I am very shy with men. Men haven't really paid that much attn to me. Bc of this, if anyone does, I don't think it's genuine, or if I think it is, I don't know why they would be interested in me, even though I know I'm a great person and deserve it. I guess I feel if I keep myself away from men, I can't get rejected, which is what happened to me as a teen. It left some deep wounds. And now that I am approching 30, I can't help but think if guys find out how inexperienced I am with dating that it will be a turn off.

I want a bf more than anything though. I want to find someone to grow old with. I'm on a couple dating websites even, and if someone shows interest, I clam up and leave it be. WHY DO I DO THAT!!! ugh. I kick myself over this.

I think you should go for it. Where did you meet this guy?
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Old 06-21-2008, 10:43 PM   #5
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I have been thin and overweight and at neither point in my life have I ever been a confident person. My point is -- don't let what you weigh dictate your life. If someone wants to date you -- it is rarely about your appearance and more about their attraction to who you are as a person. And, on the off chance it is about appearance, I took every date -- the good, the bad and the ugly -- as a learning experience. Some lasted a while, some never made it past one night, but I took a lesson from each one. They help you decide what you like, don't like, what you want in a relationship, etc. We all get hurt/heartbroken at some point in our lives, but without the pain, we would not appreciate the "last great catch"!! Good luck.
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Old 06-21-2008, 10:57 PM   #6
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okay, being afraid of being shot down/not doing something out of fear of failure is basically the story of my life.

LAME. life is so short and, let's face it, isn't it our self interpreted "mistakes" more so than our successes that shape us to be the unique and interesting human beings that we strive to be?

really everything you guys have said has rung all too true for me and i hope next time an...opportunity...presents itself to any of us, we'll be able to be brave (and pro-active) enough to do something about it.
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Old 06-21-2008, 11:16 PM   #7
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you never know what tomorrow may bring....so I say go for it!!!



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Old 06-22-2008, 12:00 AM   #8
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I don't know how long it took you to lose the last 20 lbs but in 20 more lbs you are going to be 180, then you'll lose more if you keep this up. If you can get to 180 even you are going to see a huge difference in how you feel about your body I think, I'm 5'9 myself and being tall women, we can carry more weight anyways. I'm now a single mom, separated, I don't to date without losing more weight. For me it's perfectionism, I'm really hard on myself. I look around at women heavier then me and think gee, they seem to have nice guys, are married, date, etc. And I hammer on myself about my flaws. I think there's more to the weight loss journey then just losing pounds, it's about gaining self esteem. That we can do while we are in the process of losing. We don't have to be perfect, life's too short not to like ourselves. If we don't like ourselves then we feel we have nothing to offer another in a relationship. Of course initially there's the attraction between two people, but if this is someone you know then he's become attracted to you for many reasons. That's wonderful, if he's a nice guy. So why not see about coffee with him or something casual and become better friends anyways?

Keep going with the weight loss! You can do it.
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Old 06-22-2008, 12:22 AM   #9
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I say go for it! If you don't get a date, you'll get to feel release! you wont have to continue the constant wondering what could have happened, you'll never know if you don't try. Good Luck!
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Old 06-22-2008, 12:45 AM   #10
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arg, seriously, I started recently talking with these 2 nice guys on one of the dating sites. One guy gave me his phone number tonight via IM. ( This has happened a couple times before....where a guy gives me his number and I clam up. ) I am so shy and just can't seem to find anything to say.
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Old 06-22-2008, 03:47 AM   #11
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Old 06-22-2008, 04:40 AM   #12
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uhm, about "how to do it" question ... i know it's kind of hard. And abit awkward for the first time dating. But you guys have known each other several years so i don't think it'll be too hard. Maybe suggest him like "i see that a cinema is showing a movie i would love to see. Do you want to go ?" .... or maybe "i heard that this coffee shop is awesome, do you want to go on this Saturday and try a taste of it?". XD that's what i usually do. I'll create a place where i wanna go, and then invite him to go with me. Either a movie, concert, a coffee place, or even supermarket. =^^= Just take the courage and ask him to go with you.
Good luck =^^=
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Old 06-22-2008, 10:47 AM   #13
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Old 06-22-2008, 11:14 AM   #14
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[quote=vikkivma;2236709]
I asked if he wanted to hang out with my friends before, and he's invited me to dinner with his friends, but obviously neither of those were real one-on-one dates. I don't wanna just be like, "Hey, I like you. Let's do this." lol.

Buuut, that maybe a good way to go at first. That way you both have a little security if things get awkward, but still allows you both to feel each other out a little more w/o things getting too serious.

Good Luck, and I would go for it.
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