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Old 06-13-2008, 10:38 PM   #1
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My son tells me that there are three or four boys who play together in the schoolyard. They touch each others' privates. My son tells me they have been found out by lunch/recess aids who have done nothing about it.
There is one boy in particular who is the instigator. When the others play w/o him, this does not happen. ( I have long since discontinued playdates with this one boy.)
My son does not participate but does watch his friends. We have had many talks about what is private and what is shared.
School is over in one week. (these are kindergarten children)

what would you do?
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Old 06-13-2008, 10:55 PM   #2
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From 10 years of working with children, and taking many classes on identifying abuse, I can say that the instigator throws up a huge red flag. Children who are interested in touching and playing with other children's privates are very possibly being sexually abused. I wouldn't be so concerned if they were just showing their privates (it's pretty common with boys), but the touching is pretty alarming. I would seriously consider contacting child services. If I was the educator of the child, I would.
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Old 06-13-2008, 10:59 PM   #3
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Not trying to be rude but are you serious? I would call everyone I could (this is coming from a lady with no kids) but IMO call child services, the principal, the person in charge at lunch (do you really think they do NOTHING?) OMG! I would even spy on the situation myself to see what is REALLY going on.
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Old 06-13-2008, 11:06 PM   #4
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I can not believe no one is doing anything. We've had a few incidents of sex talk/play over the last four years (K to 3rd) -- each time, a letter has come home enlightening the parent's on what occured (not who), what was done to handle it and that the whole class would be talked to about appropriate behavior. That's totally inappropriate (for the participants and the children who are forced to see this). If this is allowed to go on in K -- god knows what will happen in first!!

I'm going to be a teacher's aide this fall - in NY if I did not report this type of behavior to the appropriate individuals, I would lose my job and possibly be arrested.

As a mother, if one of my boys was participating in something like this, they better take care of it and call me or I would be down there on my "witchy broomstick" in two minutes reaming out someone!!

Good luck!
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Old 06-14-2008, 04:52 AM   #5
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I agree with HarpoChicoGroucho. Many cases show that little children that try to touch other children's privates are most likely in a sexually abusive relationship. Also if a grown-up has seen them and done nothing, I think you should have a serious talk with the kindergarten's supervisor.
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Old 06-14-2008, 07:45 AM   #6
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I agree that it seems as tho this boy was hurt by someone. The problem facing me is that his mother is a friend/acquaintance of mine and she is somewhat insane and very much in denial. When our boys were together in preschool this problem began. There was much discussion but she refuses to consider anything othr than nirmalcy. I know when biys are at her house she does not allow her son privacy. But he is insidious and will try anything to get a kid alone to play his penis games.
Did I mention she is extremely well connected in this town?
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Old 06-14-2008, 08:47 AM   #7
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KittyCat, this has to be dealt with--if someone were doing this to YOUR child, what would you want the responsible adults in his life to do, when they suspected abuse?

It's the law in my state that if a teacher suspects abuse, that she MUST contact the principal or the authorities.

One week of school doesn't matter--what might happen to this poor child over the summer, out of sight of everyone else?

You all must talk to the Kindergarten director and push for a report to be filed.
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Old 06-14-2008, 09:17 AM   #8
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OMG, call child services or something other agency immediately. As others have said, children aren't born wanting to fondle other kids' penises; it's something they "learn" from the adults in their lives. That poor kid...!
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Old 06-14-2008, 09:45 AM   #9
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Hmmm...

I would have to say, in all honesty, not to jump the gun on this one. Kids play "doctor" more than one might realize...it does not mean that this child is automatically being sexually abused. I would avoid, at this particular time, calling child protective services. Instead, I would request a conference with the principal, teacher, etc. at the school.

This is private, but when I was a kid, there was some show and tell/playing doctor going on as well, and I was not sexually abused at ALL-and neither were my friends/cousins/etc. My husband told me (when I mentioned this thread) the same thing. Neither of us were abused as children-physically, sexually, or otherwise. We are talking kindergarten here...I would be more worried if these kids were in 2nd or 3rd grade and the same thing were happening.

I am only saying this, because you don't want the possibility of a child being taken away from his home, if nothing is going on. Talk with the teacher and principal FIRST. Then, it is their responsibiltiy to discuss this with the child's parents...or you can call a conference and request that the other mother be present.

In my opinion, it isn't a behavior that is always "learned from an adult". Potty games/humor rears its head pretty early in school...

Now, I am not saying that nothing is happening to this child...but I am saying that no one knows for sure at this point, and it isn't fair to make assumptions.
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Old 06-14-2008, 12:05 PM   #10
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Having worked in an elementary school and even very briefly as a recess aide - I agree with Aphil on this one.
Contact the school principal and/or school social worker/counselor. Request a meeting to discuss the subject. Ask them to keep you informed regarding any results of their investigation and let them know that you are expecting them to investigate. At that point, they are legally obligated to do so. They will contact the appropriate personnel with DCF if warranted.
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Old 06-14-2008, 12:12 PM   #11
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I also agree with Aphil on this.

I think it would probably be a mistake to call Child Services this early, without more information. Kids are kids, and part of being a kid is exploring all those things that are new to them or unexplored, modesty issues be damned.

But it certainly does warrant concerned. My first thought was "Woah. Huge red flag" as well.

I do think you've done a great job with YOUR son and the way you've handled this though, so bravo for that one, mom!

I'd call the teacher, principal and school counselor and ask to meet with them about it.
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Old 06-14-2008, 12:34 PM   #12
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As I mentioned before, for me this is a long standing issue. And now I've learned the boys involved do this "play naked" thing not only when the ring leader is around.
I really don't want to be connected to an investigation going on.
My neighbor now has a head's up b/c I separated my son out of a private room her son and the (most often ringleader) were in--playing naked this happened yesterday, leading to full disclosure from my son-- as full as one can get from a 6year old. And I told a good friend of mine to talk to her son about this issue. She was very dissmissive.
There are 2 full days of school and two half days left.
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Old 06-14-2008, 01:18 PM   #13
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Kids will certainly have some normal play, but sneaking away to do it, on repeated occasions, is not the same thing.
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Old 06-16-2008, 11:09 AM   #14
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I informed the other's mothers. There will be lots of discussions about appropriate play and what is meant to be private.

If (and I assume it will, b/c I know the boy) this continues in the upcoming school year, you can be guaranteed I will notify the school principal and the school counselor.
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Old 06-16-2008, 12:00 PM   #15
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I think you handled it very well -- I've run into quite a few parents who think this play is acceptable and just kids "getting to know their bodies" -- I personally do not find it acceptable and agree they are entitled to raise their children any way they want, unti it infringes on other children's rights and comfort levels. See, I'm still one of those moms who can't say "penis" to my two sons

Good luck -- you are a great mom!!!
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