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Why the self-hating name?

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Old 05-20-2008, 01:18 AM   #1
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Unhappy Why the self-hating name?

This is something that has been on my mind for a little while since I've been a member of 3FC: I am disturbed by some of the user names here.

People are picking names like "fattykathy" or "TonsofChunk" and I don't see that as being very nice to themselves. To me, it's just so negative and self-loathing that I think it may actually do some harm. I'm a believer in the power of the mind, and I think this just sends it the wrong message.

I think we all get down and tell ourselves things we shouldn't, but I am truly disturbed that some people here seem to be publicly abusing themselves by picking derogatory names. It would be like walking around in the mall wearing a huge sign that said "LARDBUTT" or something like that. It's demeaning and cruel to yourself.

I think it would be more helpful, in mind and spirit, if people chose more positive or optimistic names. (Apple Cheeks refers to my rosy face, not my derriere if you were wondering )

Anyone else want to share their thoughts on this?


(P.s. I don't know if there really is a "fattykathy" or "tonsofchunk" on 3FC. But if there is, I'm not picking on you: I made those up ).
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:30 AM   #2
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This is related, but different...I really cringe when I read "I have been so good!" or "I have been so bad!".

We are not "bad" if we eat a cookie. Are we on plan? Maybe not, but that doesn't make us "bad". I truly feel that this whole mindset sets one up for failure and an all or nothing mentality.
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Old 05-20-2008, 02:46 AM   #3
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Apple you seem like a really posivtive girl which is by no means a bad thing! But lots of people dont have any self esteem and I think those names are probably years of habit of putting themselves down! I dont think it helps though...a positive attitude is the best to maintain I agree..
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Old 05-20-2008, 02:57 AM   #4
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I was one of those girls. When I first joined here my user name was "fattlady" cuz that is how I felt. But soon after being here a while, people made me realize that wasn't me. That was just what I have been thinking of myself all these years. So the nice moderators of this lovely forum changed my user name to Sassy_Chick.

Thanks everybody, your awesome.

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Old 05-20-2008, 04:03 AM   #5
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I'm going to have to agree with both Apple and Soul. Those who beat themselves up will continue to do so throughout their journey. It's so sad to see someone who thinks SO little of themselves because of their weight. There is more to them than their weight and sometimes I wish I could just reach through the screen and knock some sense into some people.

And as far as "I've been good" and "I've been bad" I think it's absolutely sad that it's come down to that. Being on and off plan is one thing, but it doesn't make you and good and or bad person.

I'm going to rant if I don't shut up.

Sorry for the pointlessness of this all.
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Old 05-20-2008, 04:05 AM   #6
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Yep I have noticed these names too and I'm a little bothered by them as well. It makes me feel bad for them. I do STILL think in terms of "Oh I was so bad today" and I am working on that myself. Some of it is I think as you go along in your journey your mind set and how you see things changes for some people and then some people it just takes a little while longer :-).
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Old 05-20-2008, 04:24 AM   #7
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I use to call myself a heifer... sometimes still do... Bad bad habit but slowly going away... now i call myself a "loser" lol in a good way!! B/c i'm finally LOSING some i want to lose!! (my sanity is long gone btw)...
My name on here is a nick name my mom gave me as a child... when i see it, hear it, or think of it all i can hear in my head is my mom singing "neeettt kneeeeee" makes me smile

What's the meaning behind your screen/forum names?
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Old 05-20-2008, 07:05 AM   #8
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Occasionally if a new member has what seems to be a very negative user name, the mods or admins will message them privately and ask if they would like to change their name to something more positive. One user had a bad one--I can't remember it--and it turned out it was what she and her husband called their overweight cat. She didn't think about what it might be saying about her.

Often members do want to change their user names as time goes on, if they chose negative names to begin with.

I don't like the "good" and "bad" statements much, either--I try to think of them as shorthand, but really, they are kind of childish judgments. A few days ago I had ice cream with a friend. I was not "bad"--I had worked it into my plan for the day. I was not "good" either. If anything I was simply living life with a plan.

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Old 05-20-2008, 07:38 AM   #9
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I've often wondered the same thing, Apple.

I think that it may stem from the fact that we've all had our low points, and that in a moment of desperation some people join this group hoping to change, but also in that moment of desperation they can only see something negative that they want to change. And thus... negative sounding username.

I'd like to think that most people have them changed after a couple of days, after they realize we aren't here to abuse eachother about being overweight, but that we're trying to be supportive and positive about the entire experience.

(BTW - I've always been amused by your great avatar picks and how they work with your username! )

And SoulBliss, I completely agree... the "good/bad" thing has always been near the top of my "ACK!" list. I'm not saying I'm perfect... sometimes the only way my limited brain capacity is able to describe something is by using "good" or "bad". But, I don't like the way I feel when I describe myself as good or bad.

I made a choice about what to eat or not eat. It was neither good nor bad. It was food.
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:07 AM   #10
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Default self-hating name

You know Apple Cheeks, you have struck a chord with me! I even felt a bit down-hearted about the name (3 fat chicks), but then the title of the book caught my eye and that is how I came to be reading everyone's posts today. I think all of us have some self-esteem issues that are problematic but I hope that we will all be able to heal some as we journey toward our goals. I will think of this forum as the "phat chicks" and I hope to gain wisdom from all of you as I lose weight.
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:37 AM   #11
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Nansanurse!
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:57 AM   #12
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i feel the same way about negative names, but sometimes we just don't knwo where they are coming from. for instance, one of the women i work with, her grandkids call her "fatnanny" now i am not sure of the story behind that but since she is a very slim woman, i ma sure there is one. but i thnk that it is great that so many people on here are concerned with the self esteem of all that it bothers us to see those negative names! this is such a great place to be.
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Old 05-20-2008, 11:37 AM   #13
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I don't think you can be on this forum for very long and maintain a negative self image. Everyone is so supportive. I know I was led here for a reason.

BTW, mine is what I do for a living. Definately positive since it reminds me that I'm more than what I'm givin credit for at work. They seem to think I'm just a driver. Wrong!!! I've worked very hard to be better and I won't forget it and won't let them forget it.

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Old 05-20-2008, 11:57 AM   #14
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When I first joined, the tag line (under my user name) was 'fat cow disease sucks' 'cause thats exactly how I felt. Low, angry at myself for having to lose the exact same weight for a third time (hence my UN), just felt awful about myself -- just like a big, fat mooooo cow. And yes, it sucked. But after posting and reading and getting so much support I changed it to 'no surrender, no retreat' because I feel invincible in this battle! YES I DO!!! And there is no surrendering to staying fat and no retreating into poor eating habits. Those days are gone for good! Oh, and did I mention how STRONG I feel? Like Atlas baby, like Atlas!

I think many folks who join are at a low self-esteem point in their lives and their UN reflect it. Nice to be able to get support and change our UN as our confidence goes up (and our weight goes down! )
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Old 05-20-2008, 11:58 AM   #15
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I can sympathize with the mindset behind calling yourself something like "FatAss3000" -- so many people with weight problems have such low self-esteem (myself included, especially when I was heavier, but still to this day). They honestly don't feel like they are "PrettyGirl1984." It IS negative, but I also think it's honest to how many people are feeling, especially when they first begin their weightloss journey. Part of the reason I first began to lose weight back in 2004 is because I was so sick of feeling so bad about myself and uncomfortable in my own body.

4 years later, I joined this forum and I chose a neutral name bc I usually feel neither like a "Fatty68" or like a "Bellissima100" but just... neutral. My self-esteem is over all much better than when I was much heavier, but I'm not sailing over the moon.

Edit: I also think that same people intentionally call themselves fat or fatty, etc. for empowering reasons. How many people avoid that word out of fear of being hurt or facing the truth about a serious weight problem? How many people who have weight problems avoid situations, confrontations and certain people out of fear of having the word "Fat" directed at them? Owning the word, owning the fact that you're "fat" can be empowering, hence the title of the site. It can be like saying "Yeah, i AM fat, I know it, and I have control over it."

Last edited by KLK : 05-20-2008 at 12:04 PM. Reason: See above
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