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Old 05-19-2008, 10:59 PM   #1
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Question Advice Please!!

I miss my husband like crazy!!! I'm really depressed, and starting to have panic attacks again.

Well..we just got our government money (yay)..and I'm gonna go to the bank tomorrow. Anyways..all this means I have enough money to go visit him the next time they pull into port. However..the next time they pull in. They'll probably spend a day and a half in port. Should I do this?? I'm so confused on what to do!!
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:09 PM   #2
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Francie, I'm concerned. Let me be frank. I'm not going to address your actual question so much as what I've seen you post lately. I realize that this is a particularly difficult month for you. You've been missing your mother recently, and your husband is away for the time being. But, I haven't seen you mention that you're talking to anyone in person about these things. A friend? A counselor? You mention being depressed and having frequent panic attacks. These things wreak havoc to a body and mind. There might even be a group near you for wives & husbands who are dealing with their significant other being stationed away from them. As a Navy wife, you're going to have to learn to deal with long absences. The depression, the anxiety, lack of sleep... if you don't deal with these things now... I'm concerned about how the future may be for you.
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:22 PM   #3
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I know what you're saying..I've been a Navy wife for 3 years and a girlfriend for a year before I was married. I've been through 2 deployments and many many many months of separation. I never had a problem with the separations before because I always had my mom. Now, let me explain something about me. I was an only child, and I clung to my mom all the time. I experienced separation anxiety everytime I went to a sleepover. After I was married and moved away..I started clinging to my dh. When he started going out on workups late 2005, I was perfectly fine. No depression, no anxiety. It wasnt until my mom passed away that all this stuff started happening. I'm terribly afraid of losing him too.

I dont see anyone, because I'm not ready. I went one time, and it was so pointless. He did nothing but point out the obvious to me. "You're depressed because your mother died" Well duh. It was a very traumatic experience, nobody understands what I had to go through. I dont think some medical professional who wasnt even there will understand either. I do not trust because of how wrong they were about my mother. I dont even trust my own doctor. Maybe thats why I'm not ready to see someone. My husband and certain friends who were there with me, understand. My friends comfort me..as well as my hubby. I turn to them all the time.

I have my good days, and I have my bad days. Right now I just really need my husband because he wasnt there for me around this time last year. It was very painful..and I'm hurting so much. To be honest, I want my mom more than I want him. But seeing him and have him hold me for a night will bring me the comfort that I really need.

And you know what..he wants to see me too. It was his idea for me to go visit him. He misses and needs me just as much as I need him. So what does that say about him?
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:29 PM   #4
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I went one time, and it was so pointless.
One time *is* pointless. Therapy isn't an instant fix. It takes time and many visits and much introspection. And yes, it's often painful to have the obvious pointed out to you. But sometimes you gotta have the obvious pointed out to move past it and figure out how to resolve the not so obvious.

I agree with Faerie ... you need outside support. I was a military wife and a cops wife. You cannot make your husband the be-all and end-all ... that's not fair to him either. He cannot be expected to bear the entire weight of your need. It will, eventually, destroy your marriage.

Please understand I say this from experience and from concern. YOu need to deal with this and learn to be strong for yourself ... so you can be strong for your husband as well.

>

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Old 05-19-2008, 11:46 PM   #5
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You know what..neither of you really knows me or my husband. You dont know what he has gone through in his life and why he clings to me too. I was going to go visit him regardless. Its just sooner than expected. I ALWAYS visit him when he goes to San Diego.
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:53 PM   #6
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Nobody's ganging up on you, Francie.

Nobody's saying your wrong, or that you shouldn't be with your husband, or even that they know what you're going through - because we don't. We just plain don't. But bare in mind when asking for advice from people who weren't there, the only advice you're going to get is from those people.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, as well. I haven't seen or spoken to my mom in the last two years - and I'm away from my SO aswell - I'm not comparing my situation to yours in the slightest, just saying that a hint of me can empathize with a hint of you - as can the other ladies. We've all experienced parts of life that are both incredible and devastating. Everyone is still learning - and everyone has a lot to learn.

I completely agree with both Photochick and Faerie. But I'd also suggest you be sure to know your audience before posing questions to them if you're looking for a very specific answer you may not get.

Besides, it already sounds as if you've made up your mind to visit your husband - which I'm sure will be a lovely trip. Enjoy your time with him, and feel better soon.
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:59 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shopaholic1204 View Post
I dont see anyone, because I'm not ready.
I hope that you're able to find the support and help you need when you are ready.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shopaholic1204 View Post
I was going to go visit him regardless. Its just sooner than expected. I ALWAYS visit him when he goes to San Diego.
All the best to you on your trip.
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:59 PM   #8
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Sweetie, no one is saying you shouldn't visit him.

What we are saying is that you NEED SUPPORT for the times he's not there.

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Old 05-20-2008, 12:05 AM   #9
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Francie I also don't feel anyone was ganging up on you.

Although I am old enough to be your father, I lost my mother and grandma last year, when I was about your age I lost my father.

I see you are getting good advice but I have a question for you...do you attend or would you be interested in attending a local church for support?
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:01 AM   #10
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You know..I just asked a question on wanting to know if I should spend all this money to see him for a day and a half..and I got a lecture and how I need to see a therapist. It was totally off topic.

And EZ..I havent been to church in awhile. I havent been able to find a good one here. But I do plan on going again after we move. I really miss being active in my church.
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:19 AM   #11
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Thanks for answering my question Francie. With your panic attacks, passing of your mom and your husband being away I really think it is a great idea for you to seek one. Power comes to us through The Word...through study of His Word we gain strength to get through tough times. You are in my prayers ~ Gary
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:24 AM   #12
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Ya I know..I really miss my church back in Arizona. I went to Catholic school there and had my 1st communion there as well. I really think going back to church will be good for me. I wish dh felt the same way though..he's not very religious. But I'm hoping he will be..because I want to raise our kids in the church.
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:29 AM   #13
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Well Francie it is a personal relationship with Christ. You need to set the example and pray he follows. Lutherans are very close in practice to the Catholics....but reformed my Martin Luther of course.
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:42 AM   #14
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Oh ya..I know that, lol. Learned it in history class. Dh & I are both Catholics..
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Old 05-20-2008, 05:38 AM   #15
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I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. That must have been rough. I lost my dad 3 months out of HS myself to cancer. Then on top of that, I've had to constantly deal with the fact my mom may not be here either one of these days too since I've been 20 she's had freaky health problems due to freak complications from her being in a bad motorcycle accident and she's currently fighting off cancer for the second time and this has all occurred in a very short 4 years. But I have to say, I really do recommend you go to counseling. I didn't go until last year due to the fact I just couldn't open up and talk to someone about the conflicting feelings that I had over my dad's death. Finally last year right before I turned 24 I did it and it was HARD but I am so glad I did it now and went to talk to some one objective. I'm a much happier and saner person now. I can understand if you don't feel ready and that was what was holding me back myself. But I got tired of being mad and feeling guilty over my own issues and I feel now that I probably would have suffered a lot less if I had gone sooner to a therapist. As for you visiting your hubby, only you know your finances and if you can afford it but if you can GO!! and have FUN!
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