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Dating while overweight

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Old 11-11-2007, 08:53 PM   #1
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Default Dating while overweight

My self-esteem has definitely taken a hit since I gained 60 pounds and I don't feel attractive or sexy to men. My dating life has effectively stalled. However, I know that there are women out there who are overweight yet still date and still get love. How can I get back into dating and feel attractive despite my weight? I've thought about the internet, but I'm scared. . .Anyone else having dating issues?
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Old 11-11-2007, 09:10 PM   #2
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I think first, you need to accept yourself for your GREAT qualities. Find those qualities..ie loyalty funny etc..and go with it. Then as for your weight...just start finding things that are good...ie eyes, boobe etc...then wear clothes that flatter your body. As for dating...you can try on line. I met the love of my life (and now my hubby) on line. Here's what I will tell you that might help. First, post pics...if someone isn't going to accept you for the way you look...don't even waste your time. Next, talk for a while. I never met someone at first...needed to feel if they were worth my time. Then finally, I personally don't recommend the long distance thing. I know its worked for many...but imho, how can you really get to know someone if you guys don't live close by. Every time you see each other, it will be a honeymoon...and so you will never really get to know that person. Oh and also, the first few times i ever met someone out that i met on line...i always met them at the place...never had them pick me up. I've lucked out and never had any freaks. Just guys that I wasn't interested in. Until, dh came along. I found the internet was the only way to meet people where i lived because i work hard and didn't really feel that the bar was a good place to meet people. So i say give it a shot...but first you need to start finding things that you love about yourself...until you like things about you (and we'll always be fussy about weight), you won't be able to be open and honest for men. Good luck...and you can do it. just start to love yourself
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Old 11-11-2007, 09:14 PM   #3
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i'm in the same boat. i just got out of a 5 yr relationship and im back in the dating game but my self esteem is really sickeningly low...
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Old 11-11-2007, 09:32 PM   #4
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one thing that i find very important for everyone in general...find out about yourself and why you are a great person...WITHOUT A MAN! I found that you have to discover yourself first before you can find a man and be comfortable with that person. I usually wnet 8-12 months between one relationship and another. I found things that I love to do and kept me happy. I discovered what I liked about myself and what I enjoy in life. I find you can't be happy in a relationship unless you are happy about yourself and find things that are great about you.
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Old 11-11-2007, 10:01 PM   #5
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Thanks! I definitely know that I'm a great person, but I feel like men notice the looks/bod first so I think I get passed over. I think I may put up a profile on a site and be honest about my body and just go with it.
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Old 11-11-2007, 10:59 PM   #6
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Any friends have a friend??? That worked for me -- met my husband through work -- who knows you better than they do, so they should do pretty decent at matching you up -- I have also answered personal adds and had relatively good luck -- I figure you will have 110% better chance with a personal add than a bar -- there is none of that "just add alcohol, instant jerk" quality going on (not that there aren't great guys hiding in bars too!!) Also, try not to worry about it, really, my mother was right -- when you quit looking, you'll be found. Get out there -- do the things you love to do and "Mr. Right" will bump into you!!!

Good luck.
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Old 11-12-2007, 07:48 AM   #7
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great guys will not worry about the weight. So if you stop freating about it...they will too. Just relax, enjoy life...and if someone comes along...great!
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:27 PM   #8
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I'm single, so I'm in the same boat. I've tried online dating, plus the usual socializing. I make it a point to post current, honest photos in online dating profiles. In fact, since my face is the last place I gain, first place I lose, I posted a full shot as well as the face shot. While I probably don't get as many responses as I would get if I were thinner, I do get some responses. While I haven't mutually clicked (some I've been interested in going on 2nd dates with but the guy isn't or vice versa), I have had some nice chats over coffee. If you haven't already, familiarize yourself with the basic safety precautions of online dating (e.g. meeting in public places, not giving out identifying info in a profile, setting up a different e-mail account without your last name).
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:46 PM   #9
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I couldn't find anyone at 303 lbs and now that I am 173 and look hot, I still cannot find anyone. However, I am very happy with myself, and what I have accomplished in the past few years. I love to read, bowl, go to movies, etc. and just hang out with friends. I feel if it is meant to be it will happen.
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Old 11-13-2007, 06:39 PM   #10
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I'm thinking of jumping back into the water. It's been a long time. I am a little nervous about my body size, but d@mn, I am fabulous overall! I have a great personality and am a good person.

My friend just took a bunch of pics of me in her studio (the avatar is one of them) and I specifically told her to get some full body shots, unvarnished, unphotoshopped, unimproved. I want them for 2 reasons: one is this is me at 50 lbs. loss, and the other reason is because I intend to post one of the full body pics on the dating site. This way there will be no surprises for the men, and I will weed out any who will have a problem with my size.

I'm just a little worried about meeting up with chubby chasers.

Good luck to you! Find your fabulosity and carry it around with you.
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Old 11-14-2007, 05:31 PM   #11
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Glad to know I'm not alone. I really do want to start dating. I will continue to enjoy myself and hope that Mr. Right comes along.
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Old 11-15-2007, 03:49 AM   #12
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Guess I can add my 2 cents here........I've been married for 9 years now......and I dated a little before getting married, not a lot, but that was my own personal choice.

The way I met people is like someone mentioned here, through friends and just getting out there. Online is fine and at the time (before online dating was so hot) I tried the dating phone line, talked to some guys, met a few, dated, had fun basically.

I say weight only gets in the way -- if you let it. If you accept yourself and love yourself, you'll project that and size has nothing to do with that. Now I do admit, some men only prefer petite chickies. Which is a personal preference and that is their own personal opinions.

So get out, have fun and "Mr. Right" will find you when you least expect it. That is how it was with me and DH anyways.

Good Luck!!

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Old 11-15-2007, 12:07 PM   #13
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I met and married my husband near my highest weight. He is also a very heavy guy. I've always found that as a fat woman, the pool of men available to me was much smaller, but just as varied and just as good as the guys available to my thinner friends. They might have access to ten times as many men, but their success rate (and tendency to pick a loser) was pretty much the same.

I never let my weight be an excuse to lower my standards. Although I think it did teach me to concentrate on what I really thought was important. For the most part, it prevented me from "throwing back" perfectly good guys for shallow reasons. I had cute friends who wouldn't give a guy a second date because they didn't like his car, or were annoyed by a zit on his forehead. I couldn't afford to be equally shallow, though I admit that too was a learning experience. In college I rejected a guy, even though he was extremely intelligent (a physics major) and funny, because he was socially awkward and unattractive. I was overly concerned with my peers thinking he was the "best I could do."
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Old 11-15-2007, 01:15 PM   #14
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I have some input. It's worth less than 2 cents, but what the ****, right?

I strongly agree with gatorgal - soul searching and being single is not always so bad, and it is unquestionably important to know what your amazing traits are. Since you said you are aware of these traits, ask yourself another question: "Why do I need a man in my life right now?" I know it can be easy to feel lonely, but there are other things in life that are important besides finding someone. You seem like you are uncomfortble with yourself. To be honest, I would not advise dating until you are comfortable and confident.

Posting an online personal ad is definitely a start, though! Make sure your pictures are up to date and accurately show your body. Be honest about your body type. This will weed out anyone who may be potentially disinterested in a chunky girl. There ARE men out there who don't mind weight... I know this because: A) I have a friend who is morbidly obese and she has still had serious relationships and sexual encounters... and no, not all her exes are fat or even overweight and B) at my highest weight (20 pounds overweight - not obese, but I was chubby - refer to my before/after pics in my sig), on the days when I cared to actually look nice, I got my fair share of male attention, including two very hot guys who really wanted to be with me.

HOWEVER - I am hitched in a 2.5 year relationship and was never single and fat - I got fat AFTER being in a relationship and was quite thin before . I honestly had such low self esteem regarding my looks at my highest weight and wanted constant reassurance that I wasn't FAT. I talked myself into believing that despite weighing 175 pounds, I LOOKED 155. (Some people really did think so, actually, but a picture says 1,000 words and even if I did "carry it well" in real life, I was quite a porker! ) If I was single, I would have probably waited until I lost weight to go back into the dating pool, because I had ZERO confidence... and also, I'm shallow and could NEVER date someone fat, so I would feel like a hypocrite placing such standards on anyone else while at my HW.

I acted really confident while drunk, though, and flirted with everyone. I guess my former thin self popped out to say hello when I was too drunk to remember that I was a fat chick
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Old 11-15-2007, 04:07 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BattleAx View Post
I'm just a little worried about meeting up with chubby chasers.
I've put things in my profile about how I'm in the process of making exercise/nutritional changes. And if a guy wrote/said anything specifically about liking larger women, I'd point out that I was in the process of losing weight. I'm probably one of the few people who would blurt out my actual weight to a prospective date But I figure being honest is best for everyone.

I can relate to what Nightengale Shane says about self-confidence. Ideally, I'd prefer to wait until I was at least a normal BMI weight to date, but that's still 26 pounds away for me. And it's taken me 3.5 years to lose 60 pounds. I figure I may as well go out & see who's out there, but of course, following kaplods good advice about keeping one's standards and accepting nothing other than being treated well.
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