I'm the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. She lives in St. Louis and I live in Chicago. Last month I threw her bridal shower in Southern Illinois - about a 1/2 hour from St. Louis. Most of her family is from southern Illinois and about an hour south of the bridal shower location.
I worked with a bridesmaid, we'll call her "Bridesmaid A", who lives in the general area of where we had the shower in finding the location. She was able to do a lot of the legwork because of where she lived. I worked with another bridesmaid living in CA and asked her to put together the invitations. The sister of the groom is a bridesmaid, but I was told she is broke and could not participate in any way. I did eventually get her to bring some balloons. The other 3 brides maids are all under 20 and I was told their mother had already paid for three bridesmaid dresses and she could not afford to pitch in for the shower. I did ask her to supply some door prizes and asked her girls to come up with a couple easy games.
The mother of the bride "MOB" asked to help out with the costs because she knew I had a lot of payment restrictions. She also requested to bring a cake (the restaurant charged $1 per plate if we brought our own cake which she also offered to pay).
The total of the restaurant and food was $340. "Bridesmaid A" and I split it on our credit cards at $170 each. The MOB then asked us how much she owed and I told her to give "Bridesmaid A" $70. I didn't feel the MOB should pay anything but she insisted and wanted to cut it even, which I really didn't think was fair.
This was the cost break down:
Amber: $170 + cost of some decoration ($60), but I did that to myself
"Bridesmaid A": $100 (I'm told she also had to work on a budget and couldn't really spend more than $100.)
MOB: $70 + cost of cake
Mother of 3 under 20 bridesmaids: $80 in prizes!!!! (She went out of her way. I didn't expect her to spend so much in prizes, especially since I was told not to have her pay very much.)
CA Bridesmaid: $100 in invitations & stamps, etc.
Sister of Groom: $15??? I don't know how much balloons cost.
Now, I don't want to go cause a fit about how I paid much more than everyone else, especially when I'm sure the MOB spent the second most. And, she's my best friend and she deservers a nice shower so I didn't say anything to anyone.
BUT, at the end of the shower "Bridesmaid A" got together with mother of 3 discussing the bachelorette party. We all stood around and talked about a weekend that we could all make it. I offered to take a Friday off of work and come down since it seemed one of the girls didn't have any Saturdays free. My sisters and mom were already out in the car waiting for me and we weren't getting anywhere on a day that was free. So, I told them to find a day they were all free and then get in touch with me and we'd go from there.
Well, a week ago the bride called me and gave me a choice between two weekends. One being this upcoming weekend and the other being November 3rd. I told her November 3rd sounded good because I couldn't imagine planning the party on such short notice. She told me that was good because her friend, we'll call her "FRIEND", not a bridesmaid, couldn't make any other weekend, but she didn't want to influence my decision. Well, I was about to walk into an appointment so I told her (bride) I'd call her back. After my appointment I called her back and left a message, but I haven't heard from her since. I was hoping to discuss what she wanted to do for her party before making any definite plans and getting in touch with the other girls. Now, granted, I should have called her again since then, but we're both busy people and we always talk once a week as it is. I figured I had time to get in touch with her and still plan the party.
Today I get an evite from FRIEND and "Bridesmaid A". They've planned the entire bachelorette party. Neither of them even spoke to me about it. Am I wrong to be upset about this? I feel like FRIEND overstepped her boundaries and Bridesmaid A knew I wanted to be involved because I told her to email me once she found a weekend everyone was free. I guess I wasn't proactive enough?
AND, I feel like letting "Bridesmaid A" and FRIEND know that I don't plan on participating in the payment of this party. I mean, I didn't even organize any of it. PLUS, I paid so much at the shower. I also bought a dress, am buying shoes, have to pay to have my nails and hair done. PLUS, I'm driving over 12 hours two weekends in a row for this event. (The party and then the actual wedding.) Plus, I have to pay to get my dress altered. Plus, I have to buy the wedding gift.
To top it off, my boyfriend sheepishly reminded me that November 3rd is our 1 year anniversary. Now, that's not the biggest deal - we're not married or anything - but I do feel bad that I'll be missing it. AND, it's a pretty big deal to him. If I hadn't been told that FRIEND could only make that weekend, I would've asked for a reschedule.
At the same time, it's my best friend's happy day and I don't want to rain on it. She doesn't deserve any drama about something so silly. So, I should just help pay my part of this and suck it up. I know that. But, I'm upset. Is that wrong of me?