3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > General chatter

General chatter Because life isn't just about dieting. Play games, jokes, or share what's new in your life!

The Self Pity Thread!!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-25-2007, 11:38 AM   #1
I wanna be SUPERWOMAN!
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,158

S/C/G: 175-180/ 120-125

Height: 5'6 1/2"

Angry The Self Pity Thread!!

So I'm feeling unusually down today for no particular reason and I need to vent.

SINCE I'M venting, I'm also offering for ALL of you to vent as well! We can give each other support

Every negative thing anyone has ever said about me rings in my mind forever and comes back to haunt me on some days.

As a kid, I was teased relentlessly. First, it was my clothes. I had no fashion sense. My family was poor and therefore couldn't afford to buy me nice clothes, so in addition to being mismatched, my clothes were dingy. Then, I got fat and became a crater face, which caused kids to pick on me because I was ugly. My teeth were also crooked, and I talked funny. I never had any money growing up and I don't have any money now. It's hard for me to even picture what having a consistant, comfortable income would be like - I've been pseudo rich for spurts, but nothing has lasted. All my bills stretch me so thin (less than $20 in my bank account by the time I'm done), my credit score is in the crapper with no hope for repair, BUT I'm still thankful that I can even pay my bills and that I'm not starving, sick, homeless, or romantically unloved.

I skipped a grade in early elementary school. Instead of people thinking I was intelligent and cool (like I hoped they would), they just thought I was weird and nerdy. Even though I was in the "GT" program, the pretentious GT kids didn't accept me and thought I was stupid because I had a lisp and couldn't properly pronounce my R's. Oh, and I was ugly. And fat. Which MUST equal stupid, RIGHT?!

At the beginning of high school, I got fatter and fatter because I drowned my sadness and lack of a social life in food, video games, and the internet - a place where I could hide behind my computer and stop being hated.

After that, I made a mission of being the most beautiful person on earth. I starved myself from 165 to 105, fake baked, dyed my hair a bottle blonde color, and wore trendy clothes. I continued all this until I pissed myself off at the fake, shallow person I had become. So, I chopped off all my hair, donated my closet to my sister, came out of the closet , and pretended to love myself.

I haven't changed much since, physically, apart from my weight fluctuations. But I still pretend to love myself. The problem is, I DON'T. I wish I could look in the mirror and be happy, but instead I remember things like:
"She'd have a really nice rack if she lost thirty pounds. Wait, if she lost thirty pounds, she probably wouldn't even HAVE a rack!"
"Stupid hillbilly. She'll never amount to anything."
"You know, Aidyn. That chunky girl who is dating the hot Puerto Rican."
"Jelly rolls! JELLY ROLLS! HAHAHA FATTY!" (from a random car - I haven't gotten it recently but I still hate my body)
"WHAT HAPPENED? HOW did she get so FAT? She was rail thin when I knew her!"

Today, I want to starve myself. And every day after that, until I'm skinny and Hollywood-freaking-gorgeous. But I won't. Because it won't make me happy; I only think it will. I hope that when I get down to my goal of 125-135 that I will somehow find inner peace. I see pieces and tastes of it now, but I know it will be a lot more present once I can lift up my shirt and see abdominal definition. Then, MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I can be at peace with my WEIGHT and focus on other things to hate (or maybe even LOVE) myself for.

*Takes a deep breath*
Damn, that was long.
__________________
Fit and fabulous forbids one from feeling frumpy!
*Maintaining my weight loss (give or take; this IS a constant journey) from October '07 onward * I could not have done it without all the support from the lovely ladies (AND gentlemen) on this site!

My GOAL Story

Last edited by NightengaleShane : 09-25-2007 at 11:48 AM.
NightengaleShane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 12:07 PM   #2
Gettin Closer!!
 
StillTryin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Middle of NoWhere!
Posts: 1,040

S/C/G: See Signature

Height: Tall enough for my feet to reach the ground

Default

NIGHT-((((HUG)))))
It sucks when we are feeling "DOWN". I have had that problem a lot lately and it is because of my weight!!! I AM SOOOOO FRUSTERATED! I just cant get it together, and I am GAINING again! I know some of it is water weight and because of my meds being changed, but some of it is ME. I HATE IT!!!

We shall overcome!
__________________
CW~161
GW~155 6lbs to go!!! OMG!!!!


"Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!"~anonymous
StillTryin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 12:25 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
mom2mollie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 238

S/C/G: 177/171.2/154

Height: 5' 5.5"

Default

This is such a true topic. I was one of those nerdy GT kids who grew up in the military and so never fit in where we ended up... and then gained weight on top of the zits and glasses and crappy clothes (we were poor, too).

I decided in junior high "I'll never be pretty, so I might as well be smart." Glad I made that decision, because now I'm pretty AND smart, as are you, NightengaleShane!

However, I did deal with a lot of depression, and still do, even though I have everything I've ever wanted-- a handsome, kind, gentle husband and a beautiful daughter.

All I can really do is cling to God (Psalm 63:8). I know that no matter how ugly or fat or imperfect or idiot-like I may seem to others and myself, He loves me just the way I am no matter what, and He's not going anywhere. That's what gets me through the bad days.

***Hugs***

Last edited by mom2mollie : 09-25-2007 at 12:27 PM.
mom2mollie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 12:47 PM   #4
I wanna be SUPERWOMAN!
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,158

S/C/G: 175-180/ 120-125

Height: 5'6 1/2"

Default

mom2mollie - I, too, am very satisfied in the romantic department. I've been in a great relationship for the last 2 1/2 years with someone who loves me, has seen me at 120 pounds and seen me at 175 (144 now) and has STILL loved me and found me sexy through it all. I don't understand it sometimes - I often wonder how someone so attractive, loving, intelligent, AND caring could possibly love ME... but stranger things have happened, right?

I, too, have a strong sense of spirituality and pray frequently... it definitely gets me through some of my tough times. I'm usually an optimist and I've always thought that as long as I am alive, things could always be worse.

StillTryin - back... drink looooooots of water and strictly limit your calories for a couple days while taking the exercise up a notch. That should do the trick. I hate scales and their vicious ways, too

iamfire - interesting point. I do try really hard to be a good person and to treat others with fairness and respect. And ultimately, I know you are right about the naysayers... but sometimes I still can't bring myself to believe it. I thought the emotional scars from my childhood would have been healed by now, and they were starting to disappear until I gained weight all over again. Now, I've lost a good chunk but the wounds are open again, if that makes any sense. I don't know what makes people think they have the right to ridicule others. I'll have to keep that quote in mind, though - it is a good'n <---another southernism.
__________________
Fit and fabulous forbids one from feeling frumpy!
*Maintaining my weight loss (give or take; this IS a constant journey) from October '07 onward * I could not have done it without all the support from the lovely ladies (AND gentlemen) on this site!

My GOAL Story
NightengaleShane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 01:09 PM   #5
You'll see what u missed.
 
ValentineBride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 75

S/C/G: 228/219/150

Height: 5'1

Default

I can't say I was picked on for being nerdy or poor growing up.. but i was the FAT FUNNY GIRL. Always having to put on a show and make fun of myself to make people like me. I never had a boyfriend til my senior year, never went to prom or any other dances. My Jr. year I got in a fight with my best friends (over a guy, of course) and we stopped being friends after that and that's when things really went down hill for me, I turned into a mean b*tch, a FAT mean b*tch, I felt like I couldn't trust ANYONE. Then I got even fatter.

As of last week, me and my (ex)fiance have been together for 4 YEARS! Long time to me and being happy made me even FATTER!

NOW, as of LAST NIGHT, I'm single again, alone and confused. My ex-fiancee broke the news to me that he was moving in with another girl next week. I'm more hurt and confused than anything, not really mad (other than I have a $1,200.00 wedding dress rotting in my basement). But I decided this time, I'm not going to let the change of life (and depression) make me fatter.

I want more than anything to lose this weight now. I want him to see what he missed out on, I want to flirt with all his friends (who already like me) and I want to finish our apartment that we started and never finish so I can invite his whole family to a housewarming party to show it off and my weight loss.

I kinda bounced around there, I feel better now. Thanks.
__________________
TBL GOAL - Dec 3 - GO BLACK TEAM

FINAL GOAL
ValentineBride is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 01:20 PM   #6
Senior Member
 
mom2mollie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 238

S/C/G: 177/171.2/154

Height: 5' 5.5"

Default

ValentineBride-- YOU DESERVE BETTER!!

I waited and waited for a man who told me to just wait a little longer. I lost almost 60 lbs, thinking he would love me then... Nope.

And then... I realized... Hey! I'm GORGEOUS and any one would be lucky to have me! So I went and found the guy all the girls wanted to marry and married HIM! The first guy is STILL single and leading someone else on now.

I repeat, YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

So yes, lose that weight and be HAPPY and make him regret losing you and never, ever, ever take him back!
mom2mollie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 01:33 PM   #7
You'll see what u missed.
 
ValentineBride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 75

S/C/G: 228/219/150

Height: 5'1

Default

Thanks Mom.

Everyone has told me I deserve better and can do better, even his mother.

He should have listened to his friends who said he should treat me right. Maybe I'll have to call one of them up this weekend.
__________________
TBL GOAL - Dec 3 - GO BLACK TEAM

FINAL GOAL
ValentineBride is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 03:21 PM   #8
I wanna be SUPERWOMAN!
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,158

S/C/G: 175-180/ 120-125

Height: 5'6 1/2"

Default

ValentineBride, it feels sooo good to get it all out, doesn't it? and yup - everyone is absolutely right - you DO deserve better! You should sell the dress on craigslist... the ring, too.

I know one of those "fat funny girls" - everyone likes her and no one could ever say anything mean about her. She's so sweet, funny, and awesome that no one even TALKS about her weight! She says, "yeah, I'm fat. I know I'm fat. I'm ok with that." Sometimes, I REALLY wonder how she can actually be FAT and HAPPY but I'm not going to ask her that. If she's happy and has no desire to change, more power to her. She seems like she is in good health, and she's not an overeater per se (she just eats the WRONG foods), so I'm not going to press the subject.
__________________
Fit and fabulous forbids one from feeling frumpy!
*Maintaining my weight loss (give or take; this IS a constant journey) from October '07 onward * I could not have done it without all the support from the lovely ladies (AND gentlemen) on this site!

My GOAL Story
NightengaleShane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 03:32 PM   #9
You'll see what u missed.
 
ValentineBride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 75

S/C/G: 228/219/150

Height: 5'1

Default

Yea, I could always joke about my weight and to an extent it didn't bother me and it never really kept me from having friends or doing anything (except going to dances, cause I didn't want to have to find a dress and NO ONE asked me) But inside I always wanted to be skinny and hated myself.. it was my out I guess. I was a totally different person when I was with my friends and when I was alone. No one knew I was depressed and was on medicine and how unhappy I really was.

But times change and I'm not in High School anymore (even though work is about the same) and I don't have to put on a show anymore to have friends and I know that now, that's why I'm ready to change.
__________________
TBL GOAL - Dec 3 - GO BLACK TEAM

FINAL GOAL
ValentineBride is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 03:39 PM   #10
I wanna be SUPERWOMAN!
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,158

S/C/G: 175-180/ 120-125

Height: 5'6 1/2"

Default

Hee, well, I've always said that if you make fun of yourself first, you stop others from doing it. I've also developed a self-deprecating sense of humor for that reason.

In high school, I started out being the chick who was fat, had acne, and hated herself. Then, I starved myself, fake tanned, got ProActiv and some high quality make-up, and became a cheerleader, so that I could have more friends and finally be beautiful and loved. It was a very shallow existance - yes, I looked like Barbie, but the "friends" I made are people I no longer associate with. It's amazing how the "popular girls" really don't care that much about each other. It's like the movie Mean Girls - they talk lots of smack behind each other's backs, but they'd rather be "IN" than "OUT" of the circle.

After that, I quit high school and got my diploma online through a correspondence program. A year early. I was 16 by the time I finished all my HS bulls**t, and very thankful. Whoever said those are the best four years of one's life are probably the ones who stayed living the small town life forever.

And I, too, am always happy around friends. It's not a fascade, though. Being around people I like just makes me happy and makes me temporarily forget how sad I can be sometimes. I smile all the time around those I love; for me, it's hard not to.
__________________
Fit and fabulous forbids one from feeling frumpy!
*Maintaining my weight loss (give or take; this IS a constant journey) from October '07 onward * I could not have done it without all the support from the lovely ladies (AND gentlemen) on this site!

My GOAL Story
NightengaleShane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 03:39 PM   #11
Finding My Bliss
 
SoulBliss's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,916

S/C/G: Fit & Fat!

Height: Tall & Strong, Baby!

Default

Valentine, you can use this to become even stronger and more kick @$$!!!

Shane, your first post could have been written by me (99% of it). I feel for ya, you stylish, smart, fit, incredible woman, you!
__________________
"I do feel that spiritual progress does demand at some stage that we should cease to kill our fellow creatures for the satisfaction of our bodily wants." -Gandhi
SoulBliss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 03:41 PM   #12
I wanna be SUPERWOMAN!
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,158

S/C/G: 175-180/ 120-125

Height: 5'6 1/2"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulBliss View Post

Shane, your first post could have been written by me (99% of it). I feel for ya, you stylish, smart, fit, incredible woman, you!
Awwww - well first off, here's a big hug to you! - anything bothering you in your life right now that you feel the particular need to rant about? feel free. heh heh.

Second, stylish, smart, fit, and incredible? You sure do know how to make a girl smile!
__________________
Fit and fabulous forbids one from feeling frumpy!
*Maintaining my weight loss (give or take; this IS a constant journey) from October '07 onward * I could not have done it without all the support from the lovely ladies (AND gentlemen) on this site!

My GOAL Story
NightengaleShane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 03:45 PM   #13
I wanna be SUPERWOMAN!
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,158

S/C/G: 175-180/ 120-125

Height: 5'6 1/2"

Default

ALSO, isn't it funny how many of us were teased as children? NO WONDER we're fat now! FOOD can SO EASILY be mistaken for HAPPINESS. At least I notice that trend: I was depressed from ages 11-14 and I got fat. Then, after my bout with eating disorders, my life improved and I stayed thin. Thennnn... I got fat again after being stressed and depressed. Now, I'm forcing my life to improve and I'm no longer fat - but I still *feel* like that fat person I used to be. I was initially in FAT DENIAL when I GOT fat because I was used to being what others described as "rail thin" and "perfect" (isn't it sick how the two terms just go hand in hand these days?) without trying much for it - when the pounds DID come on, they came on so suddenly. I denied how much I really gained; I thought I gained only 25-30 pounds when I REALLY gained 50-60 I kept saying the scale must be wrong until I finally faced the fact that I was 20 pounds overweight and realized I had to change it.
__________________
Fit and fabulous forbids one from feeling frumpy!
*Maintaining my weight loss (give or take; this IS a constant journey) from October '07 onward * I could not have done it without all the support from the lovely ladies (AND gentlemen) on this site!

My GOAL Story

Last edited by NightengaleShane : 09-25-2007 at 03:49 PM.
NightengaleShane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 03:48 PM   #14
You'll see what u missed.
 
ValentineBride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 75

S/C/G: 228/219/150

Height: 5'1

Default

"Hee, well, I've always said that if you make fun of yourself first, you stop others from doing it. I've also developed a self-deprecating sense of humor for that reason."

That's exactly it. Thanks.

Yea, I got maybe one or two TRUE friends out of high school. They're mostly all fake and mean to each other.

Where have all the decent people gone in this world, other than here on 3FC???

And thanks Soulbliss!
__________________
TBL GOAL - Dec 3 - GO BLACK TEAM

FINAL GOAL
ValentineBride is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2007, 03:54 PM   #15
Senior Member
 
Lovestorun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Parrish, Florida
Posts: 210

S/C/G: 185/123/120

Height: 5'5

Default

Oh! I really need to post here. I usually am quite on this board even
though I am on it all day long ( I work in a very quite/small office).

On the surface I have what may appear to be something that most
people want however, I WANT OUT! I had a wonderful childhood great
parents, family and friends- went to school, got married, had children,
own a great house and pretty much want for nothing (material wise) but
I am in not really a "bad" marriage but a "boring" marriage! Iam someone who
got "fat" after my kids and now that I got myself together and absolutly
love the way I look Iam now struggling with the "there's more out there"
problem... My parents are still married all my sibling are married and have
been for 10+ and 20+ years- I have been married for 14 and I want to
leave but I am so afriad of what "everyone else" will think if I do. I keep
telling myself that I can't go just for the reason that I am "board". I have
spoken to my husband and he has suggested we try counsling. I am willing
to try it for our kids sake- I just worry that life is to short and I am wasting time being unhappy in this marriage!

WOW-sorry that I just went off like that-Hey this does make you feel
a little better. Sorry if I rambled!
__________________
Stacey


Lovestorun is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:18 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2