Is your boyfriend / husband.....

GatorgalstuckinGA · 08-22-2007, 11:36 AM

wow...i think jersey girl has seom strong beautiful advice. And i want to second what she said...blueeyedblone...you are BEAUTIFUL...i know you are not use to having the 25 lbs...but what little weight extra you have ...you are still stunning. It will be tough...but i think you are making the right decision. You just need to believe in your self. You need to believe you are beatiful (even if you aren't supper skinny..you are still smaller than most of us wish to be) you need to look deep inside yourself and see what the great qualities are about you...focus on your mental emotional aspects not the physical. Get your life together...get feeling better about yourself and realize what a wonderful person you are...then later when you realize what greatness you are and what greatness you deserve...you will find some one right for you. Don't freat about having kids by a certain age....trust me i've only been married 1 yr...and about to turn 34. I won't have kids for 2-3 more years since dh will be in school (and can't afford kids until he's working). Things will work itself out. First start working on yourself and your selfesteem and then life will start falling togehter...like jersey said...it will be hard at first...but like the quote always says "that whcich does not kill us makes us stronger" and trust me...heartbreak hurts...but doesn't kill. Good luck and keep us posted

WinterStarzz · 08-22-2007, 06:09 PM

Don't sell yourself short. If that is something you think you can live happily ever after with, then by all means...DO! But if you are the type of person (like so many of us women are, myself included) who *needs* that love and affection, don't just settle because you don't want to start over. I can't imagine not hearing "I love you" back. Some people can deal with it, others can't. Look inside yourself and figure out what you need in your relationship. Find what you desire, what makes it passionate, what makes it sparkle and sizzle. If you can have that right now, then enjoy every second of it and soak it up. If you can't, there IS that out there. And you shouldn't go without it due to your comfort with this guy. You deserve a love that is full of all the things you need.

sotypical · 08-22-2007, 07:17 PM

I can relate in many ways - sometimes I really question why I am with my boyfriend - we have been together 3 years this saturday.

He does not tell me he loves me, I had said it to him and usually he doesnt say anything back or says something along the lines of 'i know'

But he does show affection, like holding my hand when we are out, giving me a hug/kiss etc, calling me on his breaks at work, and all that. So I believe while he doesn't say he loves me, he shows me in every other way.

It really bothers me though, not hearing the 'i love you' sometimes i am fine with it and some days it drives me crazy! But like you, we get along awesome, never fight, etc.

anyway, just wanted to add my 2 cents and let you know your not really alone - I know for a long time I thought i was the only one in a situation like this.

I don't really have any advice though, I wish I did!

47yo · 08-22-2007, 07:37 PM

As a divorce lawyer who waited until she was 43 years old to get married, I've seen a lot of breakups. And been through them. Breakups are hard, but divorces are much harder. Especially when kids are involved! I know what it's like; you think it will get better, that he will change, etc., etc. But if you feel like something is "missing" after 3 years, then something is missing. I guarantee that in time you will wonder what you ever saw in him! I know that you feel like you're running out of time, but I was engaged at the age of 26 - and then again at the age of 30 - and then again at the age of 36 - and finally got married to yet a different guy at the age of 43. You can have babies in your 40's. Try not to feel so pressured into doing what you think society expects! I am SOOOO glad I waited - I am now married to a great guy who is really trustworthy and tells me he loves me every night before we go to sleep - and every morning before he goes to work. Not that he needs to; I feel it every waking moment. You will find what you are looking for!

techwife · 08-22-2007, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greens

Whenever a man is fantasizing about having sex with another man, the cheerleader down the street or the paperboy he's going to feel guilty and transparent so he's going to look into the eyes of his wife and say, "I love you." with as much passion as he can muster. That's the kind of guy that says "I love you." a lot.

What he really means to say is, "If I had a sexy blonde American girlfriend like you, you'd need a restraining order because I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you!" And he'd be praising God (or whatever diety he bows to) every waking moment for your mere existence.

I hope that you find some peace with this situation. As pretty as you are, you could have 95% of the heterosexual male population drooling at your doorstep. With or without the weight you want to lose. You're nothing short of a bombshell and you deserve SO much more than what you're getting. Good luck!