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Old 08-03-2007, 10:20 AM   #1
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This is an embarrassing thing to talk about, but I figure a place with a bunch of women is the place to ask.

How do you feel about porn? I am incredibly intimidated by it. I once found porn on my husbands computer, and completely flipped out. I was terrified by the idea of him seeing skinny, beautiful women...and seeing how much he was missing by being with a cow like me. He tells me that any other woman in the world would be okay with it. Is that true?
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Old 08-03-2007, 10:57 AM   #2
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I think that all men watch porn. They are women that are on the computer or on the dvd. I know that my husband loves me. I was big when he met me and married me. So no it doesnt bother me if he watches porn. we watch it together. It adds some spice to our life.

He can just as easily go to any store or out anywhere and see skinny, beautiful women, that are sometimes dressed almost as revealing as the girls on the dvd or computer or in the magazine.

I can not let my lack of self esteem interfere with my husband and how he sees me.

That is just my opinion. And i would rather know what he is looking at then have him hide it from me.
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Old 08-03-2007, 11:03 AM   #3
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This may be better suited to the general chatter forum. But anyway as for me I feel fine about it. I don't mind my boyfriend looking at it and I would expect that he doesn't mind me looking at it either, which I do. I don't think your husband is correct in saying that every other woman would be fine with it because, yes, many women are but I know many who are not as well. It's just a personal thing.
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Old 08-03-2007, 11:10 AM   #4
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Your husband is wrong. I know a LOT of women, myself included, who don't like their men to look at porn. I don't see anything wrong with it in itself, I just don't feel it belongs in my relationship.
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Old 08-03-2007, 11:20 AM   #5
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I think some porn is ok, there is porn out there for couples , I can give you a website if you are interested, just send me a private message. There is porn that I am against, and I do think is disguisting( involving teens, older women, animals). But I think that it is possible to watch porn as a couple and feel comfortable with it, and the skinny women don't bother me, because one day I will be thin also. :0
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Old 08-03-2007, 11:45 AM   #6
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I think this is a personal issue that every couple needs to figure out for themselves what is the acceptable use of porn.

I have a friend who is absolutely against & her husband knows it must stay hidden. She's ok with pretending as long as she doesn't accidentally find it. It works for them.

If you're not comfortable you need to talk honestly with him about it.
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Old 08-03-2007, 12:16 PM   #7
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Well, as my boyfriend once told me: "If you've seen one breast, you wanna see 'em all!" LOL

Seriously, I agree with Lifeguard. It's up to each couple to discuss what is acceptable and what is not. Personally for me, I know that when my boyfriend looks at porn, it's not because he doesn't like the way I look (au contraire, he finds me rather sexy!), but he likes to look at many variations of the female form.

The only way you are going to know is to talk to him...but he IS wrong when he says every other woman in the world thinks it's okay...too much of a blanket statement.
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Old 08-03-2007, 12:57 PM   #8
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For me, it would depend. How much porn, what kind of porn, are the images violent, obscenely young, is it some sort fetish porn, gay porn, how much time is he spending at it, does he hide it, does he flaunt it.

In general, women aren't as fascinated by porn, as men (at least not visual porn, my aunt is addicted to romance novels that are so steamy, I would call them soft porn). When I signed up for the internet for the first time, I was astonished at all the porn that was thrown in my face. Any google search, no matter how seemingly innocent would bring up porn (even the first time I tried to find this site when someone told me about it, but only remembered the "fat chicks" part). I admit I was fascinated, for about a week. It wasn't really sexual as much as "can you believe there's a site that shows....."
After a week, I was totally bored with it.

My hubby is (or at least pretends to be) fairly porn resistant. A buddy of his gave him (hubby said "pushed" on him) a CD of "cartoon porn," and he brought it home and told me what it was. Cartoon porn? I had never heard of cartoon porn. My hubby never watched it. I did - for about 5 minutes. It was really funny for about 5 minutes. How anyone could find cute cartoon characters having sex interesting for 90 minutes is beyond me.

Hubby returned the CD to his friend, and told his friend I'd watched it, but he hadn't (his friend was mortified that he had "shown" it to me - so his assumption was that porn had to be hidden from the women-folk).

My husband subscribed to Playboy for a while, and I didn't mind. I'd even sometimes read it. Sometimes he'd even show me a page, and say "doesn't that girl look like a boy to you - no hips, no boobies, and she looks about 11 what's up with that?" Maybe he really did find me more attractive physically than some of the women on the pages, but even if he didn't he was sure smart for saying so. He didn't renew, because he said the magazine had changed. He said the models were getting creepy (too young looking - no curves, all shaved - looking about 11), and said in the "old days" the magazine showed women with curves. Playboy is now run by a woman (Heff's daughter), and I wonder if that really has made a difference. The curveless fashion model look, is definitely more of a woman's preference than a man's.

I've gotten off-topic I'm sorry. It isn't fair to say "most" women would be ok with it. First of all, this is your relationship and it doesn't matter what most women would or wouldn't be ok with, it matters what you're ok with. Secondly, I don't think most women are ok with it. Some are, some aren't. He's just being defensive (like the little kid who say's "everyone else's mom says it's ok"). I would suggest not "flipping out," about it. Try to discuss it a little more calmly, and talk together about how or whether porn fits into your relationship. There is no right or wrong answer here (Unless one or both of you have religious beliefs that say otherwise).
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Old 08-03-2007, 01:54 PM   #9
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I love porn LOL. You must admit, when you are with a partner for a long time...Things can get a little monotonous! I think porn is a good way to spice things up a little. It isn't about the man liking those "skinny chicks" more than you...It's just the excitement of something different. And, if you look hard enough, you can find girls with some real curves and not just those skinny women hehe.

But I DEFINATELY don't think EVERY women in the world is ok with it.
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Old 08-03-2007, 02:16 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen415 View Post
Well, as my boyfriend once told me: "If you've seen one breast, you wanna see 'em all!" LOL.
JEN! SO TRUE!!

From a guy's perspective, all I can say is we like to sneak peeks from time to time. Angie doesn't mind, as she says "I know it is a visual thing for you guys".

Now, that being said, there is what I would call (if there is such a thing) "NORMAL" porn and then there is the NO WAY GOING THERE PORN

It can be like any other addiction. I am not trying to justify it here, as I am sure my Savior would not sit with me and look at it


Anyway there is a big difference between sneaking a peek and living for it!
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Old 08-03-2007, 02:29 PM   #11
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I too know a lot of women who don't want their SO looking at porn...they want nothing to do with it. Myself, I am fine with it...it's a picture on the internet, in a book on a dvd/video, I honestly don't see it as a big deal and like looking at it myself, lol.

And...I think it's human nature for men to look at other women, and women to look at other men...there's nothing wrong with looking in my opinion.
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Old 08-03-2007, 02:38 PM   #12
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Ohhh boy...tough subject!
I don't think this is better off in general chatter...right here is just fine.

FIRST- Your husband is WRONG...not every other woman would be OK with it! Many women, sure...but there are also many, like myself who are NOT!

Porn is such a volatile subject, and one that has affected my own marriage profoundly.

This is probably going to be very loooong.....

I used to be OK with porn, we used to watch it together.

Then, when we got our computer, things got quickly out of hand. My hubby would stay up till 4 in the morning any night that he didn't have to work the next day. Our sex life dwindled down to nearly nothing. Finally I figured out what was going on and several years of turmoil followed. Things really went downhill when I found out how he really felt about me sexually.

Some of you already know this. In hindsight...I should never have pushed the issue.

My husband had been really down for several days...I started bugging him about why, why, why??? Finally he told me that he was not sexually attracted to me and he couldn't take it (my fatness) anymore....I LOST IT!!!
I went to my bedroom and SCREAMED into my pillow like I have never done before. I cried for days, weeks... That comment broke something in my very soul. I had always believed that he was attracted to me no matter what...and he wasn't. It has taken several years for us to be OK again.

This situation, in combination with growing porn use on his part has changed our relationship FOREVER. I became obsessed with finding out what he was looking at...spending my days searching the computer.

FINALLY, I ended up spending thousands on dollars on therapy for myself. I came out of that...with boundaries for myself.. Because of the situation...I will not have porn in my home. That is just the way it is. I feel he has damaged what once was...and I can't accept it in MY life any longer. I also came out of therapy with a deep knowledge that I am lovable, and beautiful as I am...and that if my marriage were to end...I would be perfectly capable of finding a love that wanted me just as I am.

I've been hurt by porn, so has my husband and my marriage. I think that if you enjoy it and it doesn't hurt ANYONE...sure, whatever. BUT if it affects you, or your marriage negatively..then it's not OK.
PLEASE...don't let your husband blame this on you...that is what they do. They'll do anything they can to be able to continue using porn..and keep you at the same time, including trying to make it your problem, your fault.

It's not your fault, and you don't need to accept anything in your marriage that hurts you...no matter how popular it is in the world today.

AND this is not even mentioning how damaging porn is to the women who are involved in it (a whole other subject)....no matter how strongly people oppose that opinion...it is true.

Sending you hope, and prayers , and love :,
Please feel free to pm me anytime,

Linda
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Old 08-03-2007, 02:43 PM   #13
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As others have said, I think it's a very individual thing, and his blanket statement about "all other women" is just a defense. Personally, I know Jeff looks at porn. He practically has a collection of stuff he's downloaded an dburned onto CDs. Lots of CDs. Before he and I met and moved in together, it was sort of a hobby for him, I guess. He was a single guy who spent 90% of his free time on the computer--it was practically a natural gravitation

I couldn't expect him to just give it up cold turkey because he's with me. He's never asked me to give up anything I enjoy, so that wouldn't be fair. I don't like watching it with him; it's just not my thing. I end up either laughing at it or making fun of it or pointing out when the girl is obviously faking But hey, if he wants to watch it, then have fun...as long as he keeps coming to me (and only me) for the real thing

Now, if there were a situation where he was watching porn all the time and you had a basically nonexistant sex life together, I would be very concerned because he'd obviously be replacing the real thing with the porn (I've seen it happen to friends), and that's an issue that needs to be addressed. But as long as you still have a healthy relationship together, I personally don't see a problem with it.
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Old 08-03-2007, 02:49 PM   #14
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No, I don't like it. I think it is degrading and disgusting. Maybe I am old fashioned when it comes to things like this but, I have no desire to see anyone's personal parts unless I have feelings for them.
I'm also a strong believer in that I got married for a reason, to share my WHOLE life with ONE person. I'm not religous at all, so, this isn't a religious rant. I think you can cheat on your spouse both mentally and physically. Porn falls into the mental category.
With that being said, I know most guys feel way different about porn. I told my husband on the day that I moved in with him that "I could care less if he wanted to look at porn but, it wasn't going to be laying around my house and I better not see it...not even accidently." We intended on having children (which we did) and I didn't think it was a smart idea to have that stuff in the house. Kids find everything!
Anyways, that was 9 years ago. I have never found any shred of evidence that my husband looks at porn and that suits me just fine. If he does look at it then I don't know about it...in that case, I guess ignorance is bliss.
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Old 08-03-2007, 03:58 PM   #15
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I guess I feel like the majority - it's a personal choice for each couple whether or not to share in the porn and most guys want to look at it. I also think that it, like anything else, can affect your marriage if you let it or if it gets out of control.

I know people who have gotten divorced over it. I think it's a little extreme but it all depends on each relationship. If I found stuff with children/teens or animals or something then I'm sure I'd have a major problem. If it became an addiction, then I'm sure I'd have a problem with it too. It just all depends on what you are comfortable with and that it doesn't become an addiction for him.
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