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Kids say the darndest things

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Old 06-08-2007, 11:52 AM   #1
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Default Kids say the darndest things

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Yesterday dd was pretending to be unable to do things she can do easily, like climb into her carseat. I told her "I know you can do it, I have confidence in you" and then I was singing the sound of music song as I buckled her in and we drove off.

To the store

Where she told a stranger that "Mommy has continence"
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Old 06-08-2007, 12:00 PM   #2
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...

at least she didn't say "mommy has incontinence"!
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Old 06-08-2007, 12:12 PM   #3
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I think thats what the woman thought though, she actually blushed FOR me.
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Old 06-08-2007, 12:14 PM   #4
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That is so adorablely hilarious! I had quite a few of those sorts of moments when I was about 4 years old.

My mother was going to the checkout at the grocery store and a lady shoved her way in and cut in front of us and I turned to my mother and asked her if that lady was a (the bad word for the female equivalent of a dog)!!

My dad took me to a hardware store to pick up some plywood and get the paint for my new bedroom when I had just turned 4. While in the store, he met up with his boss purely by chance. My dad is in the National Guard in the USA, so he is always quite formal when he meets with his coworkers. As they finished talking and the man turned to go, I tugged on my dad's pant leg and asked him:

"Daddy, is that man going to go flog his log?"

The Sarge must have been in a good mood that day, because he laughed and just walked off. I dont think I've ever embarressed my parents in anyway except for those two incidents. I know exactly where I learned those phrases. My mother used to love watching Grease and a movie called Hairspray, and she would sit us down and let us watch with her.
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Old 06-08-2007, 12:24 PM   #5
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Once I announced in a store that I was going to marry a guy named "Bud Light". I have no idea where it came from.

Sort of funny/sad (for me!) story - I was interning as a teacher assistant in a kindergarten class and we had to dress up semi-nicely (no jeans) for teaching. Since I was a college student, heavy, and definitely on a college budget, I didn't have many pants that worked for intern days. Normally I only worked 2 days a week, so it was ok, but one week I had to work every day...and I had to wear one pair of pants twice toward the end of the week. I'd like to point out, I had different shirts and different shoes/accessories...just the same pair of basic black pants. This very cute, very observant little five year old runs up to me, tugs on my pant leg, and basically yells "Are you poor? Because you wore those pants yesterday".

How does one respond to that, I wonder?
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Old 06-08-2007, 12:37 PM   #6
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Kids are just plain truthful--they call it like they see it.

These are rather funny things my DD has said, although not necessarily as a small child.

We were driving down the road one day during one of those all too often golf tournaments that are in our town when DD (at about age 6) pointed up to the sky and said, "Look, Mom, a blump." She meant blimp but we always call them blumps now!

While on vacation 2 years ago (she was 14 at the time) we went to a restaurant for brunch. When the waiter came around to ask for our drink order, she glanced at the menu and said, "I'll have the assorted fruit juices." The menu just didn't spell out all the juices--she thought it was like a fruit punch.

DS is the quiet one--I don't remember anything he's said that is in this category, but I'm sure some of you have read about his antics with the poloroid camera......
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Old 06-08-2007, 12:58 PM   #7
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LOL, hilarious stories. I have a childhood story that might be worth mentioning...

I was brought up Catholic. I think most Catholic kids lie in confession... it's not that we mean to, but the same sins time after time get boring. When I was eight, I was staying up late, watching television alone. I heard a word that sounded like a wonderful sin for Saturday. I had no idea what it meant, but all the movie stars were suitably horrified. Yep. A good sin. I would use it.

My family went to 2 o'clock confession. The left confessional door opened. A child came out, and he didn't look nearly sorry enough for his sins. He probably had really boring sins. Not like my juicy one.

I got up, genuflected and crossed myself, and primly went in.

I heard the grill slide open.The priest said, "yes, my child?"

I crossed myself again. "Bless me father for I have sinned it has been one week since my last confession." (I could almost hear his eyes roll.) "This week I said a bad word. I fought with my sister. I sassed back at my mother."

I took a deep, dramatic breath, then blurted out, "and I committed adultery."

Dead silence. "Say that again?" He asked, clearly shocked.

"I said a bad word ---"

"No, child, skip right to the end." He sounded very strange. He was making these odd gasping noises.

"I committed adultery."

Long, long silence.

Then he said, "Are you truly sorry?" He choked out. There was a strange pause between each word.

"Yes Father." I answered.

"Very well. Say five Hail Mary's, five Our Fathers. And try not to do this again." He was choking. I was worried but knew I was ok. I said my Act of Contrition and got out of there.

When I closed the door behind me I heard the priest explode into laughter that continued for a good five minutes.
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Old 06-08-2007, 01:23 PM   #8
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You made the priest's day!! My sister did the same kind of thing as a kid, not quite as memorable as yours -- my mother could here her making her confession to the priest -- where she dutifully told him "my mom stole a box of pens from work".

My lovely 4 year old yesterday told an adorable little girl at preschool who was walking away from his "attitude" -- "Get back here woman!!"
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Old 06-08-2007, 01:25 PM   #9
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The two that always come up in our family have to do with my children picking up some colorful language from their dad (my ex).

On my son's first day of 1st grade the lunch bell rang. He proceeded to the closet to put on his backpack and pack up for the day. The teacher told him that in kindergarten that bell meant it was time to go home but now he's in first grade so it means it's time for lunch and then they'll come back to class for the rest of the day. My son looked up at her and asked "Who the **** enrolled me for all day?"

My daughter was 2 but VERY verbal. My ExH was putting some touchup paint on his dirtbike in the garage while we were readying to go somewhere. Since we were headed out he was wearing a good shirt. He invariably got some paint on his shirt and not realizing she was right there said "Go@@@mmit" Then saw her and said "Oops, sorry A". She said back to him "Should have said sh!+, right?"

yuk yuk yuk

Oh, and the most recent that I just love. My son (now 13) just finished confirmation class in church so now every Sunday he has the Apostle's Creed memorized and repeats it with the congregation. I nearly bust everytime he says Christ "suffered under conscious Pilate"!!!
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Old 06-08-2007, 01:29 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by royalsfan1 View Post
Oh, and the most recent that I just love. My son (now 13) just finished confirmation class in church so now every Sunday he has the Apostle's Creed memorized and repeats it with the congregation. I nearly bust everytime he says Christ "suffered under conscious Pilate"!!!
This made me remember one of DS's! In preschool he had to learn Bible verses. He could never quite get the first one right:

"In Be The Ginning God Cweated Heaven and Ewth"

We practiced it daily and he couldn't untie his tongue (or get those Rs right).
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Old 06-08-2007, 01:30 PM   #11
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For a long long long time, my sister and I thought the pledge of allegiance included the line "And to the republic, for Richard stands"...
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Old 06-08-2007, 01:39 PM   #12
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Just a few weeks ago me and my 3 year old son went into Trader Joe's, and while in the checkout line the cashier who was a guy but (No pun intented) very feminin, said hi to my son, my son instantly blurted out and said you're a pretty girl like my mommy. I was so shame faced that I have not been back since!!!
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Old 06-08-2007, 01:41 PM   #13
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i was just terrible. . . i remember the horror stories my mom told me about trying to get out of situations i put her into with strangers . : i didnt say anything.but i think its funny i did this . my mom took me to the movies when i was real young and bought me gummy bears and she didnt give me the box she'd give me a handful and she said that i was asking her for more real quickly and she said that i didnt have anymore so i must have eaten them so she gave me more finally she said i couldnt possibly be eating that fast so she handed me a handful and pretended not to look and me . she said i was putting them in my mouth getting them all slimy and throwing them into the birds nest of hair of the lady and aisle below me . . . .lol . i was such a brat.
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Old 06-08-2007, 04:18 PM   #14
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hehehe. fun. i think i told my stories somewhere else on here but just in case...

I was 4 and we had just come back from overseas, where I'd spent about 14 hours or more on a plane ride. I was visiting my grandparents who were elders in their church and sat in the front row. I went to church with them and it was the first time I'd ever been before. Mom insisted on keeping me w/ her to show me off I guess, instead of putting me in the daycare with the rest of the kids. Well, about halfway through I turned to my mom and say at the top of my voice - "Mommy, this is more boringer than the airplane ride!" My mom was mortified and ran out w/ me - and the minister and everyone else were laughing and he said "Everyone's a critic!"

Also had a couple of grocery store incidents - one where I turned to my mom, pointed at this newborn and said "Mom, that baby is uglier than a cabage patch doll!" and one where, on the international aisle, full of a lot of spanish speaking patrons, I insisted on saying over and over "NO WAY, Jose!" to my mom.

but my husband takes the cake - once he was at a restaurant w/ his family he was about 2 or 3... the waitress was serving the food and was leaning across him and he leaned over in his highchair and licked her arm - like from wrist to elbow!
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Old 06-08-2007, 04:57 PM   #15
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I was generally a calm and well-behaved child, but the only time I can remember embarassing my mother was also in a grocery store; I was probably around 5 at the time. It was the first time I had ever seen a little person, so I pointed and made a sort of suprised (and loud) sound. I thought it was fascinating to see someone who was clearly an adult, but the same size as I was. I think my mom just hurried me over to a different section of the store. Looking back, I feel really bad. Of course I didn't know any better back then, but I hate to imagine having to hear kids' observations of how you're different all the time.
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