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Question about relationships...

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Old 04-05-2007, 11:28 AM   #1
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Ok. So - my bf and i have been together for 7 months now. And he's the man of my dreams - I honestly couldn't ask for anyone better. Every day i love him more and more for just the small things he does. It's disgustingly "perfect"...lol - or at least "close to perfect" anyways.
Shoot - even the other night he said to me, "not to sound like a hokey country song - but you are "close enough to perfect for me"

I know nothing's "perfect" of course - but it's dang close. And that's just it. There's been NO drama. NO arguments (maybe tiny joking spats here and there but we laugh about whatever it is...) NO jealousy (we both have our own lives, do our own thing - yet we include each other in everything we do - we hide nothing from each other). Yes we do live together and I couldn't be happier.

I'm 27 & he's 33 and it seems that both of us have the same type of past track record - no details...but basically neither of us have ever been in a true long-term loving relationship - this is the longest relationship for the both of us. We've both done the online thing - and we've both been brutally burned by people in the past - and we both know exactly what we're looking for - and it seems to be each other. So everything IS great!

My problem?...it's just not "natural"! lol. I've really been on a self-learning kind of journey for a few years now to really figure out what it is I want in life. I graduated college - had crappy jobs / crappy boyfriends / crappy apartments, etc...and now everything is amazing! I have an absolutely fantastic career which I don't ever plan on leaving...I finally live in the part of town I've wanted to since moving to this city and exploring/figuring the city out...and I have the most wonderful boyfriend.

It's just "weird" i guess since well, in the past i HAVE been burned way too many times - there's ALWAYS been SOME kind of drama or jealousy or stupid little crap to deal with - and there's NONE of that now. And no - I'm not complainin'...lol - but I guess I'm just not USED to it yet and I'm the kind that, in the past...when things seem "too perfect" i'm always afraid that there's something around the corner waiting to explode. And I actually even spoke to my bf about this last night and he completely understands and knows what i'm talking about. That's the thing, too - in the past, I'd have NEVER had the guts to talk to him about it - but we're so open about EVERYTHING.

I guess it's just hard to really accept that I deserve all of this. Which is weird because I've always been a hard worker, very loyal, etc...and I know I TELL myself I deserve it - but there's just something in the back of my mind saying, "is this real? or will it blow up like all the others?"

Has anyone else ever gone through this?
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Old 04-05-2007, 12:04 PM   #2
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You sound like me! After 1st DH passed away I had a hard time with relationships. I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy. I still feel that way at times and it's hard.

I would say to you...don't question things. If everything is "perfect" in your relationship go with it. Don't waste time on wondering when or if the bomb is going to drop. I still do that aat times even though I am married to a great man now for almost 8 years.

YOU DO deserve this and you DO deserve to be happy!
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Old 04-05-2007, 01:00 PM   #3
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Heck, I have been married for 15 years and I still feel that way sometimes. I am like, pinch me, is this really my life. My ONLY complaint in life is my weight, and I kind of feel guilty for being so down about it when everything else is just wonderful. I think that we all need to learn to value ourselves more and we would realize that we deserve to be happy. So just consider yourself one of the lucky ones! Also, I will add, there comes a time in most people's lives when they are ready for a real, honest relationship, and I think you are right at that age. I was 27 when I started dating my husband, and we got married a year and half later.
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Old 04-05-2007, 01:08 PM   #4
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Yeah, I had had a lot of short term relationships--only 2 longer ones, but they were in high school. I was 25 and wondering if I'd ever get married. Then here comes DH, a cast off of one of my friends. We started out friends and grew together. We'll be celebrating 18 years of marriage next month. I can honestly say that we've had less than 5 major fights in our life together. No, life isn't rosy all the time, but we sure do compliment each other a lot. I believe that you have to have respect for your SO first and foremost.
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Old 04-05-2007, 01:27 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houseelf View Post
My ONLY complaint in life is my weight, and I kind of feel guilty for being so down about it when everything else is just wonderful. I think that we all need to learn to value ourselves more and we would realize that we deserve to be happy.
yeah...that's my only complaint too - and the thing is - he's ALWAYS tellingme he doesn't care - he loves me for me and not my weight - yet at the same time, he's very supportive of me wanting to watch/maintain my weight loss - but he's not pushy about it at all. He makes very healthy dinners for us (yeah, he loves cooking and cooks most of the time) and we both shop for the same types of groceries...and he asks me if i went to the gym after work - but he doesn't PUSH it either - he never makes me feel guilty for not going and always says supportive things when i DO go (he tries to go a few times a week himself) - and if i DO eat something bad for me - or we decide to both splurge on something - he's NOT "oh you shouldn't eat that"...he's - it'll be fine - we'll just do better tomorrow. it's as if we both have the same issues/philosophy when it comes to our weight. we've both even lost about the same amount of weight in the past (i lost 60 - he lost 50) and yeah - we both have things about ourselves that we don't like - yet i love every inch of him...even though he's got a smaller pant size than me - he has a "beer gut" that is a bit of a "hangover" but i love it! lol (btw, i wear a size 12 in women's - he wears about the equivalent to a 9/10)

and yeah...it's that second statement you made - we just don't know how to value ourselves...which i've always found strange - due to the fact that i come from a very loving home - my parents have been married for almost 35 years - always VERY supportive...yet it's more the outer social stuff (school, friends, ex's, crappy jobs, etc...) that's always made me feel "not worthy"
Even though I went to college - got my degree - got a FANTASTIC job.

but why is it SOOO hard to accept the GOOD things in life?
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highest weight - 2001: 220
lowest weight - 2004: 160
slowly gained weight back thx to Insulin Resistance - Weight in 2007: 197.5
current weight - April 2008: 180
goal weight: 160

~Motivation gets you started - COMMITMENT keeps you going~

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