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Old 03-25-2007, 04:39 AM   #16
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Trixie, I remember posts like these from you from long ago. I think you really need to do some soul-searching, and figure out what you want from life. You've said for months that all you want is to move out - that you'll do anything to make that happen. But I don't see that in your blog entries. You say you're trying to find a job, but then say you hope you don't get the job you interviewed for because you don't want to drive back and forth. You say you're saving every penny that you can, but then you guys go out and buy a treadmill that you don't even have the money for and that you haven't really even used(and when walking outside is free). Why not return it before that's a debt you have to pay? Why buy a box to save money, when you could use something as simple as an envelope or an old shoe box that costs nothing? Why did you guys have to buy new video games? Do you see what I'm getting at? It's all about priorities - you're either willing to do whatever you can to get out of there, or you aren't. If not, that's fine - but you need to recognize that the bottom line is you guys are still there because it's a choice you've made. There may be a lot of things you don't like living there, but really, if you choose to stay then it's pretty much tough for you. Your boyfriend's mother has every right to expect help from you guys - he's working sporadically and spending money on things like cigarettes, treadmills and video games, and you tend to sleep until noon and play WoW and watch TV most of the day. Meanwhile, they have a house to run and bills to pay....and you guys aren't little kids. You're adults. Bottom line, it's their house to run as they see fit, and they make the rules, period. It doesn't matter if they work or not - they own the house and the things in it, so they've earned the right to not work if they choose. You guys, however, are 20 years old and living under their roof, and so should be held to a higher standard. You guys either choose to accept and live with those rules, or you don't. You really can't have it both ways.

I honestly think people here would like to help you - believe it or not ('cause I'm sure you don't like what I'm saying!), even me. But I get frustrated knowing that you don't take any of the genuine advice that you're given to heart. I feel like all the greatest advice in the world would mean nothing unless it was what you wanted to hear - but the hard truth is, often the very best advice is the advice you'd LEAST like to hear. Taking the plunge into full-on adulthood is scary, to be sure, but we all survive. We may not have the apartment of our dreams, we may not be able to afford cable or video games,we may have to live off of fruit and ramen for awhile, we may have to work crappy jobs (sometimes 3!) and never have money for the "stuff" we want.....but we're living our own life. We're making our own way, making our own rules - and that's worth more than everything else combined.....IF it's what you want. And THAT'S the question I think you and your BF really need to address. The answer isn't necessarily as easy as you think - you wouldn't still have so many excuses for continuing to live there, after all this time and all the problems you've had, if it were.

I do really hope that you manage to figure out what it is that you really want, and find a way to get there.
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Old 03-25-2007, 04:40 PM   #17
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I'm in the same camp... Yes, MIL is being nosey, but when you live in her home, you're not really in a position to be setting a lot of boundaries. I agree with SusanB - smile and nod. You feel that they are asking for an unreasonable amount of money from you. But you haven't provided $$ figures, so it's difficult for the rest of us to say if it's unreasonable or not. It obviously costs you less to live there than it would cost you to move out, so I guess it can't be too unreasonable.

I can understand you not wanting to move in with your mother again, but hey, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. You don't mention your age, which is also pertinent. Maybe moving out and setting up house with your boyfriend happened a bit prematurely - perhaps each of you living at home until you both get on your feet financially would be a wise thing.
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Old 03-26-2007, 02:00 PM   #18
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and on a side note - cigarettes are very expensive. how much more money could be saved if that purchase wasn't in the mix?

I know their expensive, but what am I supposed to do, force him to quit?! I've asked him numerous times and it ends up in a fight, its his decision, not mine. Right now he is smoking the cheaper "indian cigarettes" to save money.
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Old 03-26-2007, 02:08 PM   #19
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I'm in the same camp... Yes, MIL is being nosey, but when you live in her home, you're not really in a position to be setting a lot of boundaries. I agree with SusanB - smile and nod. You feel that they are asking for an unreasonable amount of money from you. But you haven't provided $$ figures, so it's difficult for the rest of us to say if it's unreasonable or not. It obviously costs you less to live there than it would cost you to move out, so I guess it can't be too unreasonable.

I can understand you not wanting to move in with your mother again, but hey, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. You don't mention your age, which is also pertinent. Maybe moving out and setting up house with your boyfriend happened a bit prematurely - perhaps each of you living at home until you both get on your feet financially would be a wise thing.

I did mention my age, were 20, I didn't mention it in my original post but I did in a later one, and I never once said I thought they money they were asking for was unreasonable. I just don't like that their constantly asking for more and more money when they expect us to save money as well.
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Old 03-26-2007, 03:03 PM   #20
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While you are in a tough situation, it sounds to me like there are steps you could take if you really wanted to move out. How about you (just you) moving back in w/your mom for a specified time -- say 6 months or 1 year. Sounds long? Well, the time will pass whether you stay put or move back home. If you moved back home, sock every single dime you can into an account (a box? puleeezzzeee! earn some interest girl! ) Look into a short term CD that has a higher interest rate.

Stop buying crap you simply cannot afford, no matter how great a deal it is or how much you think you need it. You're only going to have to move it when (if?) you move into your own place. Besides, it just stuff. It will always be there for the buying.

People are going to think I'm insane on this but .. . . give up your cell phone. Yes, dump it. How much a month are you paying for that service? What is so uber important that it can't wait until you see the person? Just a thought. There was a time when cell phones didn't exist; and people managed just fine.

Two cars? Sell one and bank the money. Bank the gas, maintenance, insurance money you would have shelled out for the car. Take a train, bus or carpool. Or you and your b/f can share one car.

As for his parents, honey you live in their house, you live by their rules. Plain and simple. And I disagree w/another poster about his mother asking questions about you and him and it not being any of her business. Darling, of course it's her business. He's her son; it will always be her business as long as you are living under her nose.

As far as you not wanting to go for walks w/her because of her questions; what makes you think she won't ask questions when you just hanging around the house? Not taking a walk w/her may not have any affect at all on her questions. Sorry, but this seems to be the least of your problems! And again, it's her house; if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen!

Why did you move in w/your b/f parents in the first place? You're only 20 years old; what the heck is the rush??

You need to get your priorities straight. Get a job. Stay at the job and do well. Save money in an interest bearing account and DO NOT get a bank card to go with it. Yes, you can do this. Looking for a job IS your full time job at the moment. Supplement this w/odd jobs: babysit, dog walk, shovel snow, wash windows -- whatever it takes. And put every single dime in the bank.

Talk is cheap; it's what you do that counts!

Jo

P.S. As for a landlord turning you guys down for an apartment due to your employment history? Would you have rented an apartment to someone w/your employment record? Probably not. The landlord needs to be able to count on your rent to pay his mortgage. If you can't rely on a steady income, how can he?
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Old 03-26-2007, 03:26 PM   #21
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I'm with Is_That_Really_Me, it's basically what I was going to say. And a lot of the others too. Budgeting and assessing your situation are definitely needed.

Do you really need a car? Does your boyfriend really NEED to smoke? I know that you can't make him quit, and that quitting smoking is incredibly difficult to do, but if he wanted to move out so badly, wouldn't he try to quit?

I'm sorry people haven't been giving you the answer to your question, but with so much background on your post, going for walks seems like the least of your problems. Going for walks may be a catalyst for arguments but it sounds like communication is something that's really lacking in the household. Discussing the issues in a civil manner, with all parties in the room could do a lot to solve everyone's problems.
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Old 03-26-2007, 04:04 PM   #22
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I did give an answer.
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Old 03-26-2007, 04:32 PM   #23
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......I think the problem was that she didn't like your answer.......
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going to scotland mini-goal >> 132lbs >> april 30
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Old 03-26-2007, 07:47 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trixie14 View Post
I know their expensive, but what am I supposed to do, force him to quit?! I've asked him numerous times and it ends up in a fight, its his decision, not mine. Right now he is smoking the cheaper "indian cigarettes" to save money.
When hubby and I got into a financial bind, he had no CHOICE but to quit. Fight or no fight. I'd be laying down the law that I refuse to continue living with the family and if he can get his ****e together and both of you come up with a way to save and get out, that you'll have to find a way to get yourself out for your own sanity and health.
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Old 03-26-2007, 08:03 PM   #25
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Or heck, if he won't quit, will he invest the effort into rolling his own? I mean, I don't think you're going to be abe to convince a smoker to give up his cigarettes unless he wants to..but you could make a compelling argument that he should keep costs down by rolling them himself.
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Old 03-26-2007, 10:41 PM   #26
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Move out!
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