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When did you move in with your sig. other?

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Old 02-23-2007, 02:29 PM   #1
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Default When did you move in with your sig. other?

I gotta question...so dbf and i have been dating for 5 months now...and for the past 2 - i've been at my own place MAYBE a total of 7 days if that...9 out of 10 times i'm at his place.

Thing is - i've had male roommates before but have never lived with an actual significant other / boyfriend. I know it's a HUGE step and something we've been talking about...well, actually really only started to talk about last night. cuz he knew something was on my mind - and i'm sick of "living out of my duffle bag"...thing is - my current situation - i live with a roommate who i don't like - i HATE our apartment / complex - can't stand the people who run the place - but it IS cheap and our lease isn't up until the end of may - and i won't just up and move out and quit paying her the rent. so i'm stuck paying her the rent $$ til May 1st.

And, basically I "get home" from work around 5 p.m. - go to my "storage shed" as i call it...or my roommate's apartment...lol - say hi to my cat (who, btw, my mom is taking from me next week cuz the bf doesn't like cats), get my breakfast & lunch ready for the next day - get my duffle bag ready for the gym and clothes for the morning - go to the gym - then to my boyfriend's. Wake up in the morning - go to work - and do it all over again. Which - for the part of actually BEING at my boyfriend's with him... I LOVE that of course...and HE'S the one who's always texting me, "you comin' over tonight?"...

so we FINALLY actually brought it up last night - and he finally realizes that it basically SUCKS for me in that i don't have any of MY stuff at his place (besides my pillow & toothbrush)...but he's all for me bringing over my computer (he recently got robbed and they took his 'puter) and my clothes...and he's gonna make me a key and everything...and i'm REALLY happy and very excited because this IS what I want - and once MY lease is actually up, i'll move the rest of my stuff into an actual storage unit til his lease is up end of july and we're gettin' a 2 bedroom (he has a studio loft right now). But, I will admit - as much as this IS what I truly DO want...it's scary...

But i'm just curious - now that i've told ya'll my current life story...lol - when did you move in with your sig. other? now, again, i've lived with male roommates before - but of course this is MUCH different...i mean - even in HIS own words last night, "i already feel as if you live here"...

i'm just curious to read all of ya'll stories and advice. :-D
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Old 02-23-2007, 03:20 PM   #2
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I moved in w/ DBF after 3 1/2 years of dating, when I was almost 25 (basically 6 1/2 months ago). I came straight from my parents' house, he came from living with his best friend. He liked his situation but wanted to live with me, I didn't like my situation at all. Honestly, it's been TOUGH, but we're closer than we've ever been despite that. I don't regret it at all.
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Old 02-23-2007, 03:25 PM   #3
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This is just my two cents...

My boyfriend and I have beend dating for about 5 months as well. Things are still fabulous, although we've had some rocky parts. I think 5 months is a little too soon to move in together if you really want the relationship to last. I'm not "old fashioned" by any means, but I think a good rule of thumb is don't make any life altering decisions before you've seen your SO through all 4 seasons. At 5 months, you're probably still in the twitterpaited phase, which is great! And normal! But its a whole other concept to live with someone. Splitting bills, and chores, and living space is a hard thing to do. Even though it "seems" you already live there, you don't and theres still freedom in that for him, and for you. It is scary, and I say wait it out, at least for a few more months.
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Old 02-23-2007, 03:27 PM   #4
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Matt and I moved in together about 3 years after we met. We met online though, in a tech help room, we were both techie nerds, so offered free help. Anyway, before we knew it, we were really digging each other. This was in Dec 2000, when we met. We met in real life, April of 2003 and both moved to Los Angeles, him in May of 2003, me in Nov. I sent him first as the front runner and I had obligations on my end I couldn't finish until Oct. We've been together since.

I wanted to add, had Matt and I been able to date in the normal sense of the word, we may never have moved in together, to be honest. Don't get me wrong, he's a fantastic guy, charming, charasmatic etc and I'm insane over him, but he's always running late, habitually forgets things, big and small things, like paying the electric bill. Because we could only see each other every 2-3 weeks, I lived in Alabama he lived in Kentucky, we had nothing but the honey moon stage for 3 years. Moving in together meant we spent alot of time adjusting, I'm way organised, I pay pills the same day they come in the mail, a place for everything, and everything in its place and he is the exact and complete opposite, however living together forced us both to adjust, grow as individuals and as a couple. We were both in a new city, even though he grew up there, his closest family was 2 hours south and I had no family, we had to rely on each other, communicate etc. It worked for us, but not everyone can give that whole commitment. At this stage, we both admit and voice that we wouldn't want to be with anyone else, but in the beginning stages of living together, I think I would have happily ebay'd him for a nickle.
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Old 02-23-2007, 03:32 PM   #5
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It really depends. DH and I moved together to another state after dating for 5 months. We knew at month 3 though and started planning the entire move. I also forgot to mention though that DH and I had been friends/coworkers for many years before we started dating so I had a general sense of who he was before even dating. Although I learned more about him from dating and even more from living together.

I will say though that it really just felt right. I had dated other guys for much longer time with no real motivation in moving in together. I also had well established my independance long before dating DH. I owned my own townhome, lived alone for quite a few years and I knew it was going to be a big change, not only moving to a different state but also moving in with someone.

I would say that if you want to move in together and take the next step, then go for it. It is quite different than dating and I will say I was so nervous that I was a nervous wreck the weeks before the move. If you want to give yourself more time, then feel free to do that and wait. If you are doing it just for convenience or to save money, then I would rethink your reasonings.
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Old 02-23-2007, 03:42 PM   #6
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We have been together for 2.5 years. We moved in together after 6 months of dating. It just made sense because I was never home (he lived downtown and a LOT closer to school and work).

Our only issue is moving. We SUCK at moving. We are on our second apartment and the moves are definitely the most stressful aspects because we always want to kill each other by the end of it.

I had lived with other girls and then I was in my own place for 2 years and I think before anyone lives with a significant other they should at least live by themselves for a while. I wouldn't trade living with Ross for anything in the world- we have hard times just like everyone, but we have so much fun.

I think two things have contributed to Ross and I living together so well: 1. I knew who I was and was perfectly content to be by myself. 2. I had already had experience living with other people and recognized the importance of having set boundries and deciding things before they became issues (bills, chores, etc...)

Take everyone's experience into account for sure, but you ultimately know if it's best for you. I do think it's important to have a "fall back" plan in place in case it's nothing liek what you expected and it sounds like you do. Good luck
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Old 02-23-2007, 03:59 PM   #7
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well, just to elaborate on a few small things...i have lived on my own before. i've been "on my own" / away from my parents for 7 years (I'm 27) and he has been for 11 years (he's 33) - the only difference is that I've lived both on my own for a few years as well as WITH roommates. he's never had a roommate - it's always been him - himself. I've also lived in 11 different apartments (this IS including my dorm room stints in college). including 2 major cities and one back at home. so i'm a "professional" as you may say at moving...lol.
I lived in Chicago by myself for 3 years (3 different dorm rooms, 1 apt with roommates for 6 months and 2 different apartments on the north side, 1 for 1 year 1 for 6 months - just short leases) - moved back home to my "home town" for about 8 months (with a roommate, kicked her out, various reasons) - then i moved down here to Indy - lived by self for a year - a guy friend for a year - and now my current roommate situation - a girl i met at work.

now, that MAY sound like i'm sorta washy when it comes to apartments - it's not that at all...it was more about - my lease is up, it was too expensive - time to move into a cheaper place. and here in indy - 1st apt by self. 2nd apt. with friend to help with bills - that lease was up and he wanted his own place so found a girl at work who needed a roommate for bill help - and now it's NOT about the bills. i make WAY more than enough to help myself - and he and i love being with each other.

i really do enjoy the stories and seeing how everyone is different - and i know for me & him this IS the right decision - but at the same time, it IS just a bit scary even though we practically live together already...and i do mean that - literally, it's the 23rd of February and there have been THREE nights that i've been at my own apartment this month. same went for january! lol. :-P

and, TECHNICALLY i will still have the OPTION of going to my place during the next two months - cuz i know the first month is always the hardest - from what i hear...cuz i'm not getting rid of my bed or anything like that until once my lease is actually up (may 31st). i honestly think this is better than just literally jumping in and moving in right away...

but anyways, again - i really appreciate and enjoy the stories and would like to hear more about other's situations. :-P
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Old 02-23-2007, 04:05 PM   #8
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I've been dating my bf for about 3 year and we're getting a place together in June. We were supposed to move in together last year, but I backed out. It just wasn't the right time, I wasn't sure, and I know this extra year has better prepared us to share a living space.

Three years later, it's still scary. We're very different people, and recognize that living together will present different challenges than we are used to. That's why we're getting a two bedroom, incase it doesn't work, and one of us needs to move out, the other can get a roommate. Rents where we live are RIDICULOUS. There is no way either of us could afford to live alone.

It's really about what is doing what is best for you. For us, it was best to wait.
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Old 02-23-2007, 04:35 PM   #9
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My SO and I didn't move in together until we had been dating for 5 years. Until then I had a rent controlled apartment that I would have been crazy to give up and that was two small for two of us. We moved in together when I bought a house because once I had a place big enough for two people, it seemed silly to maintain two separate residences.

Because buying the house was such a huge, big scary deal, it consumed all of my worries; I didn't give us moving in together a second thought and I wasn't nervous about it all. Consequently, I was not prepared for the huge adjustment that it was. I had lived on my own for 5 or 6 years (no roommates, just me) and was not used to having someone around all the time, having to compromise on household decisions, having to share stuff, having someone else's junk all over the place (I hate clutter; he views every flat surface, including the floor, as a storage place), etc. During the five years we dated we hardly ever fought, but we were having screaming fights within a month (I'm sure the neighbors heard , how embarrassing). A month or two into the move, I thought it was a mistake and that we weren't going to make it. This all was compounded by the fact that the house needed a lot of work, we had so many nightmare problems with contractors that people started to suggest I write a book about it, and we couldn't use the master bedroom for the first six months, so all our bedroom furniture and numerous unpacked boxes were in the living room (did I mention that I hate clutter). Eventually we finished the work on the house, got all the furniture into the right rooms, and things calmed down. It's now been six years and I still haven't kicked him out.

But, boy, if I had to do it again, I'd definitely take the decision to move in together a lot more seriously than I did (it sounds like you have giving it more thought than I did and at least you aren't trying to fix up a house at the same time). In fact, I'm not sure I would ever agree to live with someone without marriage again. I still fantasize about having my own space, that I've decorated my way, with no one else's stuff in it. I read an article in the SF Chronicle about married couples that don't live together (the couples in the article all lived next door or across the street from each other) and I have to say that the arrangement sounded pretty good to me.
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Old 02-23-2007, 04:46 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueToBlue View Post
But, boy, if I had to do it again, I'd definitely take the decision to move in together a lot more seriously than I did (it sounds like you have giving it more thought than I did and at least you aren't trying to fix up a house at the same time). In fact, I'm not sure I would ever agree to live with someone without marriage again. I still fantasize about having my own space, that I've decorated my way, with no one else's stuff in it. I read an article in the SF Chronicle about married couples that don't live together (the couples in the article all lived next door or across the street from each other) and I have to say that the arrangement sounded pretty good to me.
The part about seperate houses, that is funny! I could never do that. I always thought couples with seperate bedrooms was weird. I couldn't imagine not sleeping in the same bed as DH.

I agree that it is a very serious decision. Thinking it through and having a back out plan is critical. DH and I don't really fight but there were a lot of tensions with the move, just because moves can do that.
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Old 02-23-2007, 04:49 PM   #11
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I've been with the DBF for over 8 months...we both have our own townhouses and we both live alone (except I have pets)....At his house I have my own bathroom (THE big one), closet space and two dresser drawers. I do not invade his office which is a scary mess...except to use the computer.

We are mostly at my house due to traffic patterns, pets and a longer commute in traffic for me....He got the closet in my 2nd bedroom, bathroom space and has learned how to feed the cats....

We both clean each others houses, but we pay 2 mortgages, 2 cable bills, online, etc...there is no $$ shortage, but i pay utility bills (higher) water/sewar (higher),do laundry for both...he pays for dry-cleaning, buys most groceries, liquor, foots bill for going out..., if I want something when we are shopping, he buy me the perfume, make-up, fancy face cream, etc.

This is a perfect arrangement, because we each have space, I can shoo him to his house for a few hours if I want solitude. Eventually we will merge households, and he could certainly rent his place out for good $$, but I'm not in a hurry....and we'll keep the same arrangement if/when we get married.

think twice before you jump into a fulltime living situation....it can take away a lot of the romance.....and you don't want to be a maid.
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Old 02-23-2007, 06:20 PM   #12
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IMHO ~ I think 5 months is way too early to even consider it. I'm not here to force my ideas on anyone about living together without marraige either, although I am totally against it. I speak from my own experience when I say that. I think it keeps people from doing their BEST to stay together when times get a little tough AND I think it is a way that keeps people together, that shouldn't be, because they have already "set up house" and don't want to face the fact they made a big mistake. Good luck in your decision.
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Old 02-23-2007, 07:05 PM   #13
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Quote:
I think it is a way that keeps people together, that shouldn't be, because they have already "set up house" and don't want to face the fact they made a big mistake.
Wouldn't the same be true of marriage, having never lived together?
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Old 02-23-2007, 07:49 PM   #14
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DH and I dated for around 6-8 months and then my roommate moved out of state. I refused to move back in with Mom & Dad (I loved my newfound freedom!), so I moved in with my brother and his wife. That lasted about 5 or 6 weeks. Then DH's roommate moved out of state and we decided to move in together. Only problem we couldn't afford ANYTHING so we decided to move in with his best friend so it was a little like a reverse Three's Company. We lived there for 6 months and then DH and I moved into our own apartment. We were there 6 months, bought a house and then got married. We've been married for over 18 years now.

BTW, his best friend met my best friend while we were all living together. They are now married (after living together) and they've been married for 15 years.
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Old 02-23-2007, 08:22 PM   #15
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I think it keeps people from doing their BEST to stay together when times get a little tough AND I think it is a way that keeps people together, that shouldn't be, because they have already "set up house" and don't want to face the fact they made a big mistake.
I respectfully disagree. I've been happily living "without the benefit of marriage," as my dad says, with my Other Human for 9 years, now (together for 10). We've been through the wringer together and it did nothing but strengthen our bond. If we weren't doing our "best to stay together" when times were more than a little tough, I don't know who was. (Incidentally, three married couples of my acquaintance broke up around the same time we had our Black Summer.)

I think whether people stick out a relationship or don't has more to do with the people involved in the relationship than it does with whether or not they threw a big party and exchanged rings. We all have to live as conscience dictates, but it's a stretch, in my estimation, to assume that certain types of relationships are more stable or loving than others.

To answer the original poster: we were together almost 18 months when we finally got our first apartment together. I wasn't ready, financially, before that. We'd been talking about finding a place together since about our third date. Best wishes to you in your new home. (And yeah, it is totally scary, but it's also worth it if he is.)
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