bf and I both lived in the country, and even though we didn't get along in high school, we got to know each other better about a year later. We both were ready to take bigger steps in our lives (ie Uni, TAFE), and to do that, we both had to move to the city. We were very happy with each other, and I consider myself to be a fairly level headed, responsible person, so we did it. That was after 6 months of being together.
It's been a full 12 months of togetherness since we moved in. I know you probably feel like you know everything about him and how he works, but trust me, you dont know until you move in for real!! For instance, I like to wash dishes with a pot scrubber, he likes to usea scourer. Yep, a full blown argument down the aisle of the supermarket!
We both still lived at home before we moved out, so it was a totally new experience for both of us, but it has really worked out well. We love each other absolutly, and although there is not engagement ring to prove it (yet :P ), we are in together for the long haul.
after 5 months the two of you are still really just getting to know each other! Really - even if you spent 24/7 together up until this point, there's much much more to learn IMO.
My BF and I moved in after dating just about 2 years (to answer your question) The decision was made when I bought a house, and he moved in about 2 months after - although the house was chosen with both of our needs in mind. Before that, we both rented, lived about 20 miles apart and talked every day but usually only saw each other on weekends (fri night thru sun afternoon) and maybe one evening during the week for a few hours.
I'm thinking you should just keep your place, bring some of your stuff to his place (the PC if you want - clothes, personal stuff - AND THE CAT) Whether he likes the cat or not, it's your pet & your responsibility... unless you plan on getting rid of it to suit him, then he needs to get used to it. If things work out & you're both still happy when your lease runs out, then look for a place together and BOTH of you move in. If it's OK for you to pay the bills to hang on to your place while your at his place, it should be ok for him to finish up the lease at his place & pay those bills while you live together at the new bigger place together that has BOTH of your stuff there.
My fiance and I started dating about 3 weeks before the end of the school year in 2004. The following 3.5 months were spent 'phone dating' as I had moved back home for summer break. We continued dating from September to April 2005, him spending progressively more and more time at my place. By the end of April he was already talking about moving in together, but I knew I wasn't ready for that kind of committment so I said no. Another summer apart... September comes along and he pretty much stopped living at his place. We decided that as of Jan 2006 he'd move in with me. And from January to April, we had some of the best and the worst times in our relationship. I don't regret a single day of it.
I guess that means we waited a year and a half-ish, but 7 months of that we didn't have a choice as we were in a LDR. Since May of 2006 we've been in a LDR again... he finally comes back in April and we get married in June
Your question of 'how do you know when to move in with your significant other' is kind of like 'how do you know you're in love'..... No one can answer it for you. You just have to figure it out for yourself. If by asking us you're only looking for examples of precedent to justify your decision to move in with him so quickly, you've already made up your mind, haven't you?
ok...this is just my opinion and sorry if i offend but:
Even if your mom wants your cat...i think in the future you should seriously consider having a pet. You don't seem like you are ready for the responsibility of pet ownership. Trust me...right now we are in the process of selling our house to move to Atlanta in a few months and have to move to apt for the interium...and we had to put down $600 for pet deposits...which i think sucks...but because i take pet ownership seriously, i paid the money. Pets AREN'T desposable items. At least you mom would give it the love it needs. But you need to really think before you get another pet. I personally think those are sad reason for getting out of your responsiblity of owning a pet.
ok...this is just my opinion and sorry if i offend but:
Even if your mom wants your cat...i think in the future you should seriously consider having a pet. You don't seem like you are ready for the responsibility of pet ownership. Trust me...right now we are in the process of selling our house to move to Atlanta in a few months and have to move to apt for the interium...and we had to put down $600 for pet deposits...which i think sucks...but because i take pet ownership seriously, i paid the money. Pets AREN'T desposable items. At least you mom would give it the love it needs. But you need to really think before you get another pet. I personally think those are sad reason for getting out of your responsiblity of owning a pet.
wow - well, i'm NOT getting into an argument with you here and yes, i'm offended. First off, i honestly do truly understand where you are coming from and WHY you said what you said...however - THAT being said, you DON'T know anything about me or my situation. believe me - giving up my cat to my mother is NOT an easy decision and it's ALLLL i've been thinking about (when i'm not thinking about the move) - and this is an EXTREMELY DIFFICULT decision - but it's one that i finally made. every night that i'm at his place i DO miss my baby...but knowing that i'm NEVER home to see her right now, as it is - and that he and i are ALWAYS out and about and rarely actually home - at least my mother will be around a LOT more than i will to GIVE her the company she needs.
again, my baby girl is NOT disposable - and it's not ONLY due to the fact that he doesn't like cats. he's also a tiny bit allergic as well (not horribly - just sneezes around them).
So not that it even really matters - your opinion on my "responsibility" when it comes to my cat is just that, YOUR opinion - which you're entitled to - this IS just an internet post board and again, i HATE getting into arguments over posts.
Also - it doesn't really matter anyone else's opinion on the fact that he and i have ONLY known each other for 5 months (which, just to let everyone else know, i'm NOT offended by anyone's opinion on when to or not to move in - my original question wasn't "when's the right time" - it was more just a curiosity of when everyone here did - and i really have enjoyed the stories and responses and would like to read more if ya'll wanna keep posting. as far as me moving in with him after only 5 months - EVERYONE's situation is completely different. shoot - my bro & sis-in-law got MARRIED after only 6 months of dating, and they're going on 3 years of marriage now!
I know that in my situation when it comes to moving in with him - yes, we DO still have a lot to learn about each other - and i can't WAIT for all the good AND the bad. I've been in MORE than enough relationships - good and bad - to know that this one COULD truly be the one - and like someone else said - "breaking a lease is FAR less expensive than getting a divorce"
He had 2 cats.....and searched for a long time for homes for the cats. I am very allergic to them. At one point I was visiting, and after going to the bathroom, I asked him if the cats drank out of the toilet. He said yes...why? Why?...........because I had a ring of hives on my behind. He thought it was quite funny. I did too, to a point.
Anyway, we tried to think of alternatives to keeping the cats if they were kept in a certain part of the house. But it really wasnt fair to the cats. Great homes were found, and they are still doing very well.
lol at ez money...LOL as robinW...ermh that must have been not fun LOL
Indychick...sorry if i offended. I am just passionate about a few things in life...and the fact that i've killed hundreds of "homeless animals" makes me passionate about ppl accepting responsibilty for their pet. I apologize if i was out of line. But for the record.....not once did you say anything about your BF being allergic...just that he "did not like cats"...there is a big difference there...and that is why i got so passionate about it. from the way you wrote, it sounded like you were giving your cat to you mom just because he didn't want it. There is a big difference and i am more understanding of the situation...but once again...you didn't specifiy. So once again sorry. This is a place where were are suppose to give help/support and not attack. So i apologize.
As for moving in together...i think that is a personal matter. If you feel you are ready...then that is your choice...everyone has their own "right" time...so good luck with everything if you do move in. Just remember...ignore the little things. There are so many stupid things my DH does that i just have to laugh at and then ignore. As the silly saying goes..."don't sweat the small stuff". Let small things go and work on the big things...but good luck.
GatorgalstuckinGA - thanks for the reply...and you're right - i should have been a little bit more specific about the situation...but the original post was just about me moving in with him - not really about my cat - and, again - i DO understand where you're coming from - because, as i repeat myself...this is NOT an easy decision to give my baby girl up. but the way i see it - at least i AM going to still be able to see her from time to time and it's NOT as if i'm giving her back to the humane society (which, btw, is where I rescued her from in the first place) - AND i also know that my mother will be able to afford her vet bills more than i can as well...lol.
but yeah. thanks for the reply - and, i should have been more clear myself.
as for me and him. it'll be good. i know it will...and i also know that the first month is the hardest...and while, yeah...technically i've been sleeping here for the past 2 almost continuously anyways - i know it'll be different cuz we WILL see much more of each other and that's just it - if there IS a day or so that i MAY get sick of him and need a bit of space to myself - i still am paying rent to my old roommate and most of all my big stuff (bed, furniture, etc...) the good thing is that i WOULD have somewhere else to go for a bit if i need to...and that IS for 3 more months. And once those 3 months are up - we're moving to a 2 bedroom so we'll have more space as well.
but i'm really happy & excited. i won't go into details - but this is a HUGE step for me in my life and ya'll have NO idea how long it has "taken me to get here"...this ISN'T just a spurr of the moment sort of decision - and as i said earlier - i've had many relationships that have taught me what i've needed to know to be in this one. :-)
as for me and him. it'll be good. i know it will...and i also know that the first month is the hardest...and while, yeah...technically i've been sleeping here for the past 2 almost continuously anyways - i know it'll be different cuz we WILL see much more of each other and that's just it - if there IS a day or so that i MAY get sick of him and need a bit of space to myself - i still am paying rent to my old roommate and most of all my big stuff (bed, furniture, etc...) the good thing is that i WOULD have somewhere else to go for a bit if i need to...and that IS for 3 more months. And once those 3 months are up - we're moving to a 2 bedroom so we'll have more space as well.
but i'm really happy & excited. i won't go into details - but this is a HUGE step for me in my life and ya'll have NO idea how long it has "taken me to get here"...this ISN'T just a spurr of the moment sort of decision - and as i said earlier - i've had many relationships that have taught me what i've needed to know to be in this one. :-)
Good luck I wouldn't say the first month is the hardest, that is probably the easiest month. It is more around month 4, 5 or beyond where the "little" things may get to you. As long as you are both flexible, it should be fine.
Also, as long as you don't back yourself in a corner where you NEED to live with him, then it will be good. Always give yourself an out just in case
indy; if you are at his house almost night and work/school ? all day....don't you think you've already abandoned your pet?
She's not enjoying the benefit of a loving owner. you come home, get your stuff for the next day and leave her alone....it must suck for her. She'll be better off where she can get some attention.
My BF has asthma and the cat hair made it worse....giving up my 2 cats weren't an option. If he wanted me, he accepted my pets...they were there before him. He went to the doctor, had tests, went on Singulair and Advair...eventually built up a tolerence.
indy; if you are at his house almost night and work/school ? all day....don't you think you've already abandoned your pet?
She's not enjoying the benefit of a loving owner. you come home, get your stuff for the next day and leave her alone....it must suck for her. She'll be better off where she can get some attention.
Actually - my other roommate is very good to my baby girl (even though my roomate and i have personal problems - she is very good to my cat) - and believe me - i DO stop by the apartment every day basically to see her to make sure she's ok. and on the nights i HAVE stayed home - i baby my cat every second i get. so believe me - she DOES get TONS of attention. i have NOT abandoned my cat. and i know i'll get flamed for this - but i'm going to say it regardless. as much as i truly do LOVE my cat - and i've LOVED having her for these past couple of years...and yes - i KNOW i've had her longer than i've known my boyfriend...the truth is - my boyfriend IS a human being and someone I love and care for deeply and yes, i agree he SHOULD be understanding that i'm a pet owner - but as much as I love my cat - i would choose him over her. i'm just very happy that my mother wants her and i DON'T have to "give her up" all together.
Think about it guys - if i DIDN'T truly love my cat - i COULD just be one of those people who "accidentally" let her out of the house or go and abandon her somewhere - i would never - COULD NEVER do that to her...which is why it's taking me a LOT to give her up to my mother - but i KNOW she'll be babied and get the attention that at this point in my life i juist can't give her right now. and, i know i'll get flamed for this too - cuz i know many people treat their pets like they ARE their children - but there is a difference...it's JUST a cat - it's not as if she's my child - cuz believe me - if i had a child and a boyfriend didn't want her - the guy'd be gone faster than i could say, "bye". and AS a RESPONSIBLE pet owner - giving up my cat TO my mother - who i KNOW will love and baby my cat and i'll STILL be able to see her when i want to - i believe that IS doing the responsible thing.
Last edited by Indychick829; 02-26-2007 at 01:17 PM.
I think maturity is a primary factor in whether moving in will work. I also think that sometimes you just "know" that is it the right thing to do.
My husband and I knew we would marry each other after only dating three months and were engaged at 7 months. We, however, didn't move in together for another four months due to finances and living in different cities.
On the other hand, my brother in-law moved in with his girlfriend early on in the relationship because she had nowhere else to go. They are having problems and are now both moving back home. I think that it's good in the sense that they got to see what it was like before jumping into more and maybe in the long run it'll be better for thier relationship (they are still dating.) They are really young though, so like I said I think maturity is a factor.
I think what I'm trying to say is that you should follow your heart, but make sure you have somewhere to go in case it doesn't work out.
