Granted, you are now the "guinea pig whisperer" you understand everything your guinea pig is saying to you. The problem is, this gift extends to all of the mice, rat, and hamster populations. The excessive chatter is driving you crazy. You can't always see them, but you can hear them through the walls, under floors, at the park, and their echoed voices through drainage pipes. Who knew these little buggers were everywhere??
Wish granted, but now you must move from your American family to be living in Britian, and the British paparazzi is drinking you quite literally crazy! You are going out of your mind!!!
Wish granted, your schedule now allows for you to sleep in everyday. Now you get to meet Bob, the large sweaty bum who climbs into your window and sleeps in your bed when you are gone. He wasn't expecting to see you still in your bed! Is that crazy look in his eye?? Bob's not going back to prison! Time to shut you up......
I wish my dog and I could compete and win at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.
Wish granted! But now that you're so busy with your newfound success from dog showing, you have time for nothing else! You spend your life going from show to show and you're covered in dog hair! What a glamorous life, not!
I wish I could go home now from this lengthy appointment! Skip town!
Wish granted, you get a pair of "Popeye legs", they are so incredibly strong that when you skip, one stride takes you 5 miles!!! So now you are able to quickly exit anything you please. Problem is that your legs are so incredibly muscular--you put to shame professional bodybuilders everywhere--that you have to make your own pants, otherwise you look like the hulk. Dresses work, but give too many people a show as you skip over them....
Wish granted! But now that you've learned to play, you're incredibly famous, which takes tons of your time, not to mention that your fingers are so sore from playing. Soon you're giving lessons, on tour but with no time for yourself! Oh well!!!
Wish granted! You lose weight easily, but it happens in an embarrassing way, through your orifices...You upchuck fat chunks regularly, causing a necessity for you to always be seated near a trashcan, oh the cleaning crew hates you at work. You sneeze and fat pieces come flying out your nose--and don't forget about the times you laugh snort--not pretty. Oh you gotta go number two? Bring the plunger, fat doesn't flush real well...
I wish I could be on a beach right now looking at clear blue water.
Wish granted! You're at the beach of your dreams and in paradise until a massive tsunami hits your beach, followed by a monster hurricane! I hope you didn't buy property there, flood insurance ended up not helping you at all, you didn't get a penny for your damages!
I wish I could not have to go through with my nose surgery next week, ugh!
Wish granted, you no longer have to go through with your nose surgery, because you no longer have one. You breathe through your ears now. So since you have two you can smell twice as well before!! Problem is, you can never wear your hair down--you once suffocated like that!! Pools and showers are out of the question, feels like you are being water boarded, and....ever heard of an ear booger?
I wish I could knit too! Your wish is granted but, you soon feel overwhelmed knitting scarves, blankets, hats etc for volunteer causes, that your hands are so tired and sore, you don't eke any of your knits. Oh well, on to the next project!
Wish granted! You make more friends, but they are the most shallow women that you could ever imagine coming into contact with. They gossip about anything and everything and each other, and compete with each other religiously, regarding the schools their kids attend, husband's career and promotions, cars, homes, jewelry, and trips. They get tons of plastic surgery done pretty regularly, and describe in detail the work on you that you should get done....
Your wish is granted, you can now pick and choose your neighbors, except it’s a via a reality TV show./ You pick 25 of your favorite people and you all go on reality TV should where you all think you are going to design and remodel home in your new neighborhood. One you get there you soon realize it is not what you were expecting and the drop you off and a giant caged arena set up to look like an abandoned neighborhood. No supplies you have to figure out what to do.
I know. Thank you.
. I love it! Guinea pig whisperer! So cute!
