When I was at my heaviest, I remember thinking that I would be SO happy at 170 or 160 and the 150s sounded awesome. I knew that I would still want to lose more at that point, but I thought I would be so satisfied with myself. Well, here I am at 153. I still have weight to lose, which I knew I would. However, instead of feeling like that number is so low and great, I am back to where I was pre-weight GAIN, headwise. 150 was (when I was pretty distorted about what weight really looked like) my line of demarcation between chubby and FAT. It's totally ludicrous, and I while I didn't know it then, I know it now, but it still is hard for me to change my head about it. It just kind of sucks that a number that I thought would be SO GREAT is now just another thing I am cranky about.
So, when you were losing did you ever feel like a number you thought would be great was all of the sudden still fat?
For me it's more that, when I regained from 113 a couple years ago, suddenly 129 was more horrifying to me than it had been the first time around. 122 was as well. I saw myself as so large because I had seen how good I could look at 113. Not that long ago, I had felt pretty thin at 122, but not anymore. And now? If I went back up to 113 I'm sure I wouldn't be in the same place mentally. I wouldn't think I looked great, because I know what I look like at 108.
I'm considering losing a little more weight now, but I'm trying to be smart about it. I'm happy where I am and I definitely don't want to find myself creeping back up to 108 and feeling miserable about it. 108 is fine. 113 is fine. The HUGE difference I see in a few pounds is mostly in my head. True, when you are small even a pound can make a difference, but it doesn't make as much difference as I am convinced that it does.
First and foremost, it really is important to be proud of yourself no matter where you are in your weight loss journey. Look at how far you have come! Use the sense of accomplishment you must feel to propel you on to whatever further goals you have in life.
Last edited by Petite Powerhouse; 12-21-2010 at 01:48 PM.
Rachael, I know what you mean. I just got to goal today, and, while I'm thrilled, I still tend to gravitate to the negatives in the mirror. I'm apple-shaped and rather thick in the midsection, plus I've discovered that I actually have a rather small bone structure, so 135 would probably be a good weight for me.
I'm trying to focus on the positives, though. After being obese for many years, I'm in the normal range by BMI. I have the tools to lose a few more vanity pounds later, if I want to, or (fingers crossed) to maintain my current weight. That's pretty amazing.
I think "the grass is always greener" is human nature. I don't think it's good to refuse to acknowledge areas for improvement, but I also don't think it's good to let them get us down. For myself, I'm happiest when I intellectually acknowledge things I'd like to improve, while focusing on the positives in my life.
When I was in the process of losing I looked at old pictures from when I was in the lower 130s/upper 120s (when I was 17) and felt longing and envy of myself in those photos. I weigh less than that now and I am much more muscular than I was then since I never exercised, but I still feel like the person in the pictures is thinner than I am now - which is ludicrous considering I am two sizes smaller now than I was then.
Numbers are a funny head space to be in. It really depends on which direction you're coming from when you see them on the scale. 128 for instance is my "red line" but I am THRILLED to see it if I am coming off an indulgent weekend or post-binge. However if I am 127 one day and see 128 the next, it's an "ugghh I'm faaat" pity party.
Which is all just a little bit stupid from a rational standpoint, considering we are feathers.
LOL, krampus! That's how I feel. If I'm thinner one day, and all of a sudden my weight is up the next day, what used to be an acceptable weight ceases to be. It is a little stupid, isn't it?
Last edited by Petite Powerhouse; 12-21-2010 at 08:39 PM.
For me, it's like, as soon as I get on the scale, and it's a number lower than it's been this time around, even if it was of significance that I was particularly looking forward to, it's like I get happy and celebrate, but only for a second, because I know I have more work to do. It's like, this new weight is nice and all... and now it's the weight to beat!
In other news, rachael, you are doing an awesome job! You're going to be at goal before you know it!
Number Change, Perspective Change
