I'm not exactly sure what my point is -- maybe I just want to vent.
I started losing weight back in May. Originally my mother-in-law started noticing every time we went over for family dinner (every single Tuesday -- it's family tradition and they'd be offended if I didn't go). I guess my sister-in-law noticed, too, although she never said anything.
After a while, the comments stopped, and my mother-in-law (and sister-in-law) started going to the gym. Both of them are obese, so, hey, good for them. Lately my mother-in-law has taken to telling us at the table how much weight and body fat she's lost. Hey, good for her.
I'm not sure why that irritates me -- after all, they're getting healthier, and certainly can benefit from losing weight! And if me losing weight sort of motivated them to get on the stick with exercising, then all the better. (Maybe it had nothing to do with me, but, seriously, I think it did. They had next to zero interest in anything resembling regular exercise until I started losing weight.)
Dinnertime kind of annoys me, though. She piles my plate up HIGH with all kinds of fatty (if tasty) food -- and we use a lot of butter and cream and such in our traditional Austrian food, for sure. And she loves frying stuff in oil and all that crap. Yeah, I don't have to eat stuff because it's there, and lately I've just left a bunch of stuff on the plate. I felt weird and guilty, because here, you show respect and take what people offer you, especially with the older generation, but good lord. I don't want to offend her, but I don't want to offend my waistline, either!
It sort of feels like sabotage, though. As long as I was on the chubby side, things were all jolly. Now that I've lost a lot, she never comments anymore and acts all weird. I don't know if she feels like I'm showing her and my sister-in-law up or something, as if people are saying: "Yeah, you know, Frau Schmidt." "Which one, the fat one or the skinny one?"
I'm not even sure exactly what I'm saying here. I feel like she's jealous, and maybe out to sabotage my efforts. And when my husband and I told her and Papa about possibly moving to a city 25 minutes away (where my husband works and we are in all the time), she had a total meltdown, crying and eventually storming out of the room, and basically blaming me, as if I were taking her son away from her.
Hmm. I guess this is a mother-in-law gripe. I really haven't had any problems with her until recently.
For some reason, all of this drives me to want to be even thinner. Just focus on losing weight and let the chips fall.
First off - congratulations on your weight loss!!!!!!
In-laws can surely be a pain-IN the butt! Maybe that's why they are called IN-laws, lol. It's good they are trying to get healthy. I wonder if you losing weight made them think that they have to "top" you and lose more weight than you did. And if they can't they try to, like you said, sabotage you. They know you're dieting/losing weight they are gonna cook the fatty stuff. Don't fall for it girl! I would hold my head up high when around them, smile and kick @$$ at the gym and let them keep talking and talking. Go for it girl!
MILs can be a pain sometimes. What I do when we visit for dinner, is to bring a dish. That way I know there's at least one thing I can eat.
Hey, that's a good idea! My MIL hasn't been over yet anyway to eat my cooking. Maybe I could bring a dish. On the other hand, I could see her being offended (she's super sensitive). When I was sick a few months ago and had to have a special doctor-ordered diet, she insisted that she cook to the diet instead of me bringing my own stuff. (She ended up only sorta cooking to the diet, which was really frustrating, grr.)
Anyway, I guess it's worth a shot. I'd just skip the dinner most of the time but there's no reason to cause even more tension.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleLindseyLouHoo
First off - congratulations on your weight loss!!!!!!
In-laws can surely be a pain-IN the butt! Maybe that's why they are called IN-laws, lol. It's good they are trying to get healthy. I wonder if you losing weight made them think that they have to "top" you and lose more weight than you did. And if they can't they try to, like you said, sabotage you. They know you're dieting/losing weight they are gonna cook the fatty stuff. Don't fall for it girl! I would hold my head up high when around them, smile and kick @$$ at the gym and let them keep talking and talking. Go for it girl!
Hey, thanks!!! And, yep, they can definitely a pain in the butt... but I have to say, I know I could be doing a lot worse in the in-law department. They really did welcome me pretty well.
I definitely feel like they're trying to top me, though. I mean, seriously, my sister-in-law got a trainer. I mean, like I said, good for her, but this is a girl who always parked in the closest space in the parking lot to her apartment (that would be the handicapped space if they had one), because she hates to walk. She was pretty anti-exercise... and then, boom! A trainer. Hope it helps her out, though.
Same with Mom. All this time her knees and her legs were bothering her so bad that it was hard to even walk, to hear her tell it. Now she's in the gym like they're paying her to go. But hopefully it will help her with some of her health problems.
But yeah, I can't help feeling like Mom's definitely trying to sabotage me, consciously or subconsciously. I mean, seriously, you should have seen the dinner portion last week. I don't think I've ever seen that much pasta and meat on a personal plate all at one time. Seriously, it was enough to feed a family of 4 -- I'm not exaggerating. And she's sitting there, all watching you, to make sure you eat it. I ate about a quarter of it and that was all I could manage. And you have to be all careful, not to hurt her feelings and make her think it didn't taste good.
But, yep! Not gonna fall for it! Ultimately, if it comes down to her feelings and what I have to do for my body, body wins!
I know I sound like I'm overreacting or whatever, it's just that my husband's family is all nearby (like, the parents live 5 minutes away) and they're all in each other's business in a way I'm just not used to in my family. We didn't even eat together in my family growing up!
Anyway! Gotta do what I gotta do, and I'll try not to worry so much about hurting my MIL's feelings. She's super sensitive and we all know it, but then I hate dealing with the fallout from her emotions (lots of crying and moping around and running to the other room.)
Boy, if my husband wasn't an only child I would think we had the same mother-in-law.
I completely feel your pain. My MIL has given me her old pants before and was sure to mention several times how, "they are just too big for me now. I'm sure they will fit you." And also has been known to blurt out while we are eating out, "I just don't know how people can eat all the food on their plate. I can't hardly finish half." As I'm sitting there with an empty plate infront of me. And if I do manage to drop some weight she will look at me with concern/disgust and say things like, "are you feeling ok?" I could write a book about her underhanded insults.
I have vowed to never be this way with my kids/kids-in-law. All you can do is just ignore it. We moved 4 hours away from my MIL so now I only have to hear about my weight every few months.
Keep up the good work and don't let her slow you down!!
Boy, if my husband wasn't an only child I would think we had the same mother-in-law.
I completely feel your pain. My MIL has given me her old pants before and was sure to mention several times how, "they are just too big for me now. I'm sure they will fit you." And also has been known to blurt out while we are eating out, "I just don't know how people can eat all the food on their plate. I can't hardly finish half." As I'm sitting there with an empty plate infront of me. And if I do manage to drop some weight she will look at me with concern/disgust and say things like, "are you feeling ok?" I could write a book about her underhanded insults.
I have vowed to never be this way with my kids/kids-in-law. All you can do is just ignore it. We moved 4 hours away from my MIL so now I only have to hear about my weight every few months.
Keep up the good work and don't let her slow you down!!
Heh, I wish we lived 4 hours away from her, too! But the most we would probably move is 25 or 30 minutes, which she is screaming bloody murder over! I am not looking forward to family dinner on Tuesday!
I know that she likes me pretty well but she makes comments, too, like about what I'm eating or not-eating, and I just want to roll my eyes when she tells specifics about her weight loss. At the same time, I guess I can understand the pride she has about her accomplishments.
Ah, well! I have no intentions of stopping what I'm doing, so I fully expect more comments from her... but at least I know I'm not alone in the MIL-craziness department!
fivestone: I would suggest eating something before you go over there for your dinners, that way you can stop eating much sooner and actually be FULL. hey if your full your full, she cant force feed you. Eating a little bit before you go will help you especially on the nights where she cooks really fatty things!
My MIL is not fat, but does struggle with those few extra pounds. So she has issues, which come from HER mother's obsession with weight.
Being a little competitive, I think MIL is secretly pleased that I've put on weight in recent years. Now she gets to make little digs. And she piles my plate high as well.
fivestone: I would suggest eating something before you go over there for your dinners, that way you can stop eating much sooner and actually be FULL. hey if your full your full, she cant force feed you. Eating a little bit before you go will help you especially on the nights where she cooks really fatty things!
Good Luck!
Thanks! That's a really good idea. I think I'll let my husband see me eating a little bit so he can kind of back me up on the "I'm full" bit.
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Originally Posted by Joan
Being a little competitive, I think MIL is secretly pleased that I've put on weight in recent years. Now she gets to make little digs. And she piles my plate high as well.
Haha! Well, hopefully our mothers-in-law will have a burst of enlightenment and quit piling our plates high! We'll see!
Thanks for all the feedback, guys! I'm sure it will all work out in the end (though I have another 10 pounds to goal, so we'll see what happens.) My MIL actually called me today just to check on me, which was really sweet of her. My husband and I had a talk about her last night, so I'm going to try to be more understanding of her and just try to understand that she comes from a different part of our culture (up high in the mountains, where you ate a TON to keep energy while working on the farm -- the mountain way is just different from what we do down here in the valley), and that a lot of her attitudes toward food rubbed off from her parents. I'm sure we'll be alright, but this issue just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Oh, well!
Mother-in-law vent
