I apologize ahead of time for what's in this post. . . .but I'm so frustrated I could scream.

I have done EXTREMELY well the past few days--consistent exercise, choosing good foods, avoiding bad ones, etc, etc. On Sunday, there was a potluck lunch at church. I skipped the hamburgers and hotdogs altogether and got a spoonful of hummus (one of my favorite foods!) and a bit of pita for protein, and then filled my plate with fruits and vegetables. I was so proud of myself and was on cloud nine all afternoon. Then my mom tells me to help prep dinner--leftovers from the picnic. She refused to give me any other options, so I chose (after a really frustrating conversation) to get 1/4 of a sirloin burger, because that would be plenty of protein and only 6 grams of fat instead of the whooping 24 (10 of those being grams of saturated fat) for a whole one. This went by unnoticed until she served leftovers again today for lunch. I followed the exact same strategy, I didn't complain about it, I didn't ask for anything else--and she flipped out at me when she saw 1/4 of a burger, a big pile of cantaloupe, and a squirt of mustard on my plate.
I don't want to eat too little. There was just nothing else being offered that I could eat. I've been asked by my parents not to measure or ask for other things to eat, I followed both of their requests, and still she accused me of being obsessed and crazy. Then, it comes out she's been talking about me to not one, but TWO people at church. While she didn't use my name, it isn't difficult in our tiny church for these people to figure out which of her daughters is, as she would put it, "struggling" with this (my 3 sisters that are older are a 5'9", 125 lb runner and two girls who are 5'3" and 5'4" and 115 pounds each). She says she's going to get me counseling (one of these people is a nurse who was formerly anorexic and therefore is hyper-sensitive to pre-anorexic symptoms, even if that's not what's going on at all; the other is my pastor, who is going to give me the same you're-beautiful-just-as-you-are speech my dad gave me, even though these decisions have nothing to do with beauty).
So, anyway, I just want to scream or run barefoot back to Tennessee, away from all the people who are laughing at/frightened by my decisions and into the freedom of the college cafeteria, where I can CHOOSE to be healthy, and no one can stop me!

Oneoftwelve,

I understand how frustrating that is. You feel like you are being forced to eat bad when you have such determination with your goal and acheiving it. I too have been in situations where there was nothing but bad food to eat and eveyone made me feel like an outkast or like I had an eating disorder so I just gave in and ate bad so they wouldnt think that. It must be even harder with family and your pastor viewing you this way. They care about you, so they are worried. Do they understand you are NOT starvig yourself and that you are just making healthier choices? Have you explained to your mom why you didn't eat much of the leftovers?

Are there any other reasons why you mom would think you might have an eatig disorder other than the fact that you are more calorie conscious? I would try sittng her down and reassuring her what your goal is. I don't think she is intentionally trying to go "behind your back" and talk to your pastor and church friends, rather than I think she is trying to get advice on how to "help" you. In her mind you have a problem, so maybe you two should talk and you can explain to her your intentions.

I am sorry you are having a hard time but we are all hear to listen and support!

Chelsey

Sigh.
What you're saying is very reasonably; unfortunately, my mom is as stubborn as I am and refuses to see my decisions and reasons as sensible. She claims that if I just exercise each day and eat one serving of everything she makes, I'll be fine. The problem is, I ate one serving of everything made for me in Italy, and I gained weight. It isn't just how much you eat; it is what you eat and how you exercise as well.
If she doesn't back off, I'm going to have to start buying my own food. And this hurts because my mom and I have always been close, and this is just going to cause a huge issue in our relationship.

Sigh. My parents were like this when I was younger, and it took me actually developing an eating disorder before they realized the difference between eating healthily and anorexic behaviors. They have always had kind of an anti-weight loss mentality toward me, even though my mom has dieted all her life. Every time I have made an attempt at weight loss, I've been accused of relapse.

One thing that might help is to go to your doctor and discuss your weight and fitness goals and nutritional needs. Then, let the doctor explain to your mom what's up. 135 is a perfectly healthy goal for your height. Also, maybe have the doctor reiterate that weight is about calories in, calories out, and even if you eat small servings of calorie rich food, it WILL affect your weight if you eat more calories than you burn. If she ignores your doctor's advice, that's pretty ridiculous. It's also important for her to understand that (I assume) you are an ADULT. Your decisions on how to take care of yourself are YOURS, not hers, and she doesn't really get to make them for you. She needs to know that it's inappropriate for her to be talking to others about you, because even if you WERE struggling with eating issues, it's none of their business unless YOU personally choose make it their business.

In the meantime, what if you took a different approach and offered to cook sometime? Or asked if she wanted to try some new recipes together? That might make it so she doesn't feel totally left out while still giving you some control.

Do you calorie count? Do you have online trackers? I suggest you print out everything and show that you are eating within the ranges provided and are accounting for your exercise as well. They can't argue with numbers- and if they do you MAY just have to move out (I assume you are able to).

I know how you feel to some extent- I've already been told "don't get anorexic on us" by coworkers! I was like pft someone who has 50 lbs to lose is not anorexic.

Oh to add- does your mom know what "one serving" is- it's not a whole bag of chips or a 6 pack of soda... Some people don't understand what one serving is. Just saying.... I thought your meal sounded fine- though I love burgers so I probably would have wrapped the meat in lettuce and added onion and tomato to it I would also talk to her about using healthier/leaner meats. I've made turkey burgers and they are YUMMY

Couldnt' have said it better Bamagirl!