thank you again bargoo and mare for letting me vent. In a small way it feels better letting it out in the open. There has been years of built up frustration,humility ,anger and saddness that i manage to cover with a smile when in the company of others. I saw a post from EZ called prayer warrior. i read alot of what others are praying for. Sometimes my disfunctional life is so all consuming of myself I forget that there are others out there with problems equal to or bigger than mine. I hope all their prayers are answered. The other day i was donating some stuff to the local mission thrift store. While i was there i went to look at the books. I buy them for my grand babies and their so reasonably priced i do worry if the tear or spill juice. anyway i found a blessing journal. each day starts with i'm greatfull for------. I pray for-------. i will try and stay focus on what i have thats good,and work towards what i want. i also picked up some joyce meyers cd's. i've seen her on tv when i surf the channels. she seems to make sense to me and she can be quite funny. i heard her say"im not where i want to be yet, but at least i'm not where i was" i have a very busy weekend at the hotel 700-1000 for mothers day brunch. i pray that all goes smoothly and everyone will enjoy themselves and all those who have to work are fairly compensated. i'll keep posting every night and i watch for EZ. thanks again for being there. Dee
anyway i found a blessing journal. each day starts with i'm greatfull for------. I pray for-------. i will try and stay focus on what i have thats good,and work towards what i want.
That is the next step ...
We all could list a page of trials & hurts & losses that we've all suffered. The surest way to heal is to forgive. The next step is to be thankful & grateful for all the many blessings we have had and do have in this life. Forget the past and live for today -- focus on the good; focus on the positive; focus on the future, and look forward to a new life filled with joy & peace & love. It is about choice ... choose a new path; choose a new way; choose a new life!
Decogo,
I just want you to know you have just touched my heart! It is wonderful that you are searching for the faith and wonders of God's love. No matter how great your sins are he is waiting to forgive you with open arms! All you have to do is just ask!!! Everything happens for a reason and God promised he would never put more on than we can bare. Pick up that bible, go to a church, get down on your knees and talk to him. These are only trials you are going. And once they are all over you'll walk out having an amazing story tell and your vision will be clearer! He loves you so much!!! Receive his love! I am praying for you!!! You will find your way!!!
i haven't been posting lately because i have been working alot of hours. i need some suggestions on how to come home between 10pm and 2 am and not eat everything in the house. its been so busy at work i haven't had time to eat but when i get home my adrenaline is so pumped up and i'm so wired i have to settle and relax or i won't be able to sleep. last night i had three slices of left over pizza watched tv and went to bed at 5am. got up by nine am feeling crappy about eating the pizza. anyone have any ideas to curb my nightly consumption
the lord works in mysterious ways. I work in a hotel. last night i was scheduled to work a confrence just keeping up with water and coffee's and keeping it neat and clean. I asked what kind of conf was it and nobody knew. just set it up with a podium and 10 rows of 10 chairs. so 7pm the people come in approx 80 christen women and two speakers. because i was the only one working the function i was able to pull up a chair and listen to what was being said. it was like these two women were reading my diary. i could barely keep my composure. i did lose it a few times when they started to sing. at the end they offered to pray for individuals for there needs,ailment,troubles ect. as i went from the back of the room to the front to get my supplies for clean up i got stuck by the first row. one of the women came over and said you have not been save yet have you. my knees shook my lips quivered and i admitted that i was not born again. these women put the hands on me and prayed. i balled like a baby. there are many of us at the hotel how was i picked to work this event? luck? i think not. devine intervention--definatly. i am new in my town and hadn't made any friends or picked a church yet. last night i found several churches that invited me to services and made several new friend. praise and glory to god for he knows what we need when we need it.AMEN
I haven't been on this site for a long time, but I just read your posts. YAY, you are in the family!
When I first got saved, I remember being so lonely. I really didn't have any interest in hanging out with my old friends, the only thing they liked to do was party. I remember, driving around at night, going past the church, hoping I would see someone from the church, so they might invite me to coffee or something. Yeah, it was a lonely time, but looking back, I can truly say it was a wonderful, wonderful, time. The only friend I had was Jesus. At that time I had be diagnosed with being clinically depressed. The following is an excerpt from a Bible study I wrote.
Quote:
I was not just crying, I was weeping, mourning. That happens sometimes to people who have depression. I felt unloved and unlovable. While I was crying I was talking to God. I was telling him over and over, “You don’t love me, You don’t love me”. I kept saying it, and it became more of a mindless mantra than a prayer. In the midst of this I heard (in my heart or mind) “Kelli”, but I didn’t acknowledge it, I just kept praying/crying, “You don’t love me” I heard again, “Kelli”. It still didn’t register, then again, “Kelli”. The third time, it got through my misery, and I said, “yes Lord” (I think it was more like “yeeaah!!????”) and God said, “I love you”... Well I was still weeping but instead of tears of morning they were tears of Joy, I will never forget that.
God spoke to me so many times through my loneliness. I am not going to say that my life is easy or perfect now. And I am not going to say that I don't cry, and have sorrow, but I can honestly say that my life in Jesus is wonderful and beyond anything I could have ever asked or imagined.
Run to Jesus. He will fill you, and teach you, and love you.
By the way, your post about the big flowered shirt, made me laugh out loud... Literally... not the LOL, kind but the real Laugh out loud! HEHEHE. I always say that! Hey just because a person is overweight, doesn't mean they want to wear teddy bears, or stars, or BIG GIANT FLOWERS. Hahahahahah!
Why can't somebody design something that is inexpensive, and sophisticated.
and sold at places like Wal-mart...
First of all I want to thank MARE and BARGOO for their kind words about me
I actually did see this thread about a month ago but I had nothing to add to the replies at that time and, as mentioned, I haven't been home around a computer much for a while.
I am so happy to see our Lord working in your life DEE
I sure can understand why you feel/felt distant from God with all the troubles that surrounded you and your family.
However, we can always be sure that God does not distance Himself from us! His WORD proves that to us.
Trust in His WORD to take care of us is something we all battle with. Our nature wants us to have that Santa Claus or Genie In A Bottle God that answers our prayers and gives us gifts if we are good enough and wish hard enough.
Trust is hard when times are difficult but I can assure you as you grow in your walk with our Lord through His WORD in the scriptures and through the sacraments that trust will grow and strengthen you. All your wishes and dreams here on earth may or may not come true...to be honest probably not...but you can be absolutely positive that as a born again or born anew through Christ your eternity will be wonderful!
Your story about your father really saddens me I lost my father at about the same age in life to cancer as you did, I am 57...anyway, he was not a church going man but did have many friends from work and his hobbies. I found it strange then that not too many people came to see him or call when he was losing his life the last year he had. Many people called right after his death wanting to know when the service would be...we had a semi-private one (my dad did not want us to have one but after he was gone we made the decision as a family to have a memorial for his grand kids, since they were young). Long story short, over the next year or so running into his old friends I was told countless times that they wanted to call or come by but didn't want to bother him, know what to say, etc. As I grew older I could see the truth in that...maybe not what we should do for sure, but how many can relate to that.
I cannot at all explain why the ministry of your church then made no contact. But again, rest assured, that was MAN making mistakes not our Lord! He was not distant, even if it seemed so in your feelings.
Hard to realize sometimes that feelings are not truth....very-very hard sometimes.
What an amazing story about the conference and the ladies welcoming you Talk about God at work in our lives
As I mentioned I really can't add on to the words and comfort from the other posters but I will leave you with a prayer
Heavenly Father,
As we celebrate the Festival of the Ascension in the Church we are reminded once again, just as the first disciples were when they witnessed Him being taken into the clouds before their very eyes, that Jesus promised us that His work here on Earth was done, He was going to prepare a place for us and that he would return for us. We ask that You continue to show that truth to Dee as she grows closer to you in Your WORD and begins to see more clear how close You really are to her. We ask you to comfort her in her past sadness and remind her that each day before us, You alone have created, we can go freely without fear knowing that You are with us, want great things for us, and will guide our ways as we trust in You. We thank you for all you have done for Dee in recent days and we ask that You lead her to a christian church where she can receive the Love of your Son and Holy Spirit into her heart and go forward in faith to share with others. As always, we ask these things according to Your will, and in the name of the One who has already provided all our needs with His death on the cross, Your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen
CBmare, are you okay? What do you mean you are losing the battle? God showed me a neat thing today, it was about why God send trials our way. it is Judges Judges 2:22I will use them to test Israel and see whether they will keep the way of the LORD and walk in it as their ancestors did.” 23 The LORD had allowed those nations to remain; he did not drive them out at once by giving them into the hands of Joshua. Judges 3:1-4 These are the nations the LORD left to test all those Israelites who had not experienced any of the wars in Canaan 2 (he did this only to teach warfare to the descendants of the Israelites who had not had previous battle experience): 3 the five rulers of the Philistines, all the Canaanites, the Sidonians, and the Hivites living in the Lebanon mountains from Mount Baal Hermon to Lebo Hamath. 4 They were left to test the Israelites to see whether they would obey the LORD’s commands, which he had given their ancestors through Moses.
God uses difficult times to teach us how to be strong. There are no victims that are children of God. He is teaching you how to fight! In the Old Testament , they learned to fight in the physical, but now, we are under the new covenant... we fight in the Spiritual. We fight principalities and powers.
I want to add another excerpt from the study, it kind of explains how we fight principalities and powers.
Quote:
Occasionally I have frightening dreams; I call them my devil dreams. One in particular was even more scary than usual because all the other times I would say or think the name Jesus, and I would wake up instantly, but this time it was different. In my dream, I was standing in my kitchen and Satan was sitting in a chair. He started to get up, coming towards me. I rebuked him in Jesus name. He flew back onto the chair and looked as if he had been beaten. He was shaken and weak and I could tell he was hurt, but it scared me because I didn’t wake up as I usually do.
He looked at me slyly and started to get up and come towards me again, I said, “I rebuke you Satan in Jesus name” this time I said it a little louder, he fell back but not as hard and he got up faster.
He came towards me again, and I yelled “I REBUKE YOU SATAN IN JESUS NAME!” He fell back to the chair but got right back up. This time I screamed the rebuke as loud as I could, and he just stepped back.
I was so scared because I knew I couldn’t scream any louder, I could see him crouching and could sense he was about to fly at me when I heard a still small voice in my heart, “if you have faith you can whisper.” I remember looking Satan right in the eye as I spoke softly, whispering, “I rebuke you Satan in Jesus name” and I instantly woke up.
I believe God works through dreams, and this one had a profound effect on me. I reflect on it often, I think that’s why I remember it so vividly.
In my dream when I rebuked Satan, I said the same things with each rebuke. What was different about the last time?
I didn’t just say the words I used them, with the power of the Holy Spirit. Don’t be upset if you use the Word with power and it seems Satan is still harassing you. He doesn’t usually give up after only one time. He didn’t give up after tempting Jesus. Even when Satan wasn’t successful, the Bible says, “He went away until a more opportune time”.
We have access to God’s power and he gives us the authority, but you have to use that authority. Luke 9:1 Then he called his twelve disciples together, and gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases.
When you are going through hard times, just stay close to Jesus. Read His word every day, and He will guide you through it.
I am SO happy that you have found God. He is the ultimate healer and comforter. I am a baby in my Faith as far as the bible goes. I am still struggling to understand it myself. A good thing to do is pray before you start reading the bible. Ask for guidance and understanding. Then just pick somewhere that might stand out to you and start off going verse by verse. A good thing to try is to find a bible study somewhere. I just joined a bible study of women only and it is a small group but is wonderful to fellowship. We all got a little precept book on our topic we are studying and it helps guide us. I never really looked at it that way and it is refreshing to get different opinions on the scriptures. It will also help you feel more at home in the new city and help you to make friends. You just have to take it one day at a time and always be seeking his face.
I know that it is hard sometimes and it still feels like we are alone. However once we are saved and have given ourselves over to God. We will NEVER be alone again. He will go through every pain, tribulation, heartbreak, sorrow, joy, anger, everything that we deal with. He feel's it right along with us. For a long time I was angry with the way things had happened in my life. I didn't understand it and I turned away from God. For a long time I was ashamed of turning away so I wouldn't return to him. One day something just clicked and I got it. I still didn't understand why my situation turned out the way it did but I understood that he did what was best. That he felt every bit of anguish that I did. That despite my anger towards him he still was the God that loved me SO much that he sent his only son to be tortured, persecuted, and sacrificed so that I may be presented with my sins covered, for my eternal life to be saved. What grace and love!
If I could give you any advice it would be to hold on tight. Never let go of your love for Jesus. He will bring you through every obstacle and situation. If you feel like you are alone pray. Never stop praying. It is so easy to let life get in the way and pull you away from God. I find that it takes a conscious effort on my part to stay connected. I talk to him in my heart and mind on a daily basis. I just imagine he is right there listening to every thought that goes through my head. If I slip up and say something bad I apologize. I just talk to him like I do a really good friend. It is so amazing to see and feel the response.
God Bless you Dee and I pray now for you. "God Bless my new sister Dee. Give her a touch of you Lord so that she may know your presence. Keep her wrapped in your loving embrace and give her the comfort that she desperately needs at this point in her life. Help her to grow in he love for you Jesus. Guide her to the right people and church so that her faith may be abundant and she will find peace in her life. I thank you Lord for all that you have blessed us with. You know the need's in Dee's life and will provide exactly what she needs. I know that you will make all things right in your time. In Jesus name, Amen"
I will leave you with these scriptures which I have found comforting durring my path.
Romans 5:3-5 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
John 14:16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
Santa Claus or 
Genie In A Bottle God that answers our prayers and gives us gifts if we are good enough and wish hard enough.
Heavenly Father, 
