She looked up at him and said, "Yes, Daddy, I'll show you."
Now there's a father that isn't home enuff ...
ADAM & EVE ...
One Day in the Garden of Eden, God came to Adam and said; "Adam I have made something wonderful for you, the best yet."
Adam replied; "Wow what could be better then all this" pointing around the garden.
God told Adam, "What I have made is soft, yet nearly indestructable. It smells great, and has a soft voice, much softer than yours. I call this one 'Woman'.
She is gentle, and kind. She will be the hardest worker you have even seen. She will be your loyal companion, never complaining, always helping you. She will cook for you, clean for you, and take care of all your physical needs, daily. And she will do all this, without being asked."
Adam responded; "WOW, that sounds like it cost alot."
God said; "It does, it cost an arm and a leg."
Adam then said, "What can I get for a rib?"
and the rest is history........
As My Memory fails ...
An 80 year old couple were watching TV one night. The old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "To the kitchen. You want anything?"
She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replies, "Sure."
She then asks him, "Your memories not so good anymore. Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
He says, "No, I can remember a simple thing like that."
She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. And I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment then says, "You forgot my toast."
These came from a little book called "101 Fast & Funny Food Jokes". Some of them are pretty corny (no pun intended); but some are kinda cute. I thought I'd share a few of them with you as they have to do with food and are especially good for the KIDDIES ...
1 -- What kind of food luvs money? ... A DOUGH-nut!
2 -- What did the hamburger say to the pickle? ... You are DILL-icious!
3 -- What kind of jokes do veggies like best? ... CORNEY ones, of course!
4 -- What is a vampire's favorite snack? ... NECK-tarines!
5 -- What is a witch's favorite dish? ... GHOULASH!
6 -- Why won't vampires eat Sirloins or T-bones? ...
cuz they want to stay away from any STAKES!
7 -- What are special days at Foodland? ... FRYDAYS and SUNDAES!
8 -- How does a hungry man eat a hot dog? ... With RELISH!
9 -- How would you recognize a vampire in the meat market? ... He's the one with the CAPE-ON?
10 -- How does a turkey eat a hamburger? ... He gobbles it!
11 -- How do you make a raspberry swirl? ... Send it to ballet school!
12 -- What kind of fruit is on a nickel? ... A date!
13 -- Why did the audience throw eggs at the bad actor? ... Cuz hams and eggs go well together!
14 -- Why did the donut shop close up early? ...
Cuz it was tired of the HOLE business!
15 -- Which food makes the best music? ... The BEET!
16 -- Why do so many people like hamburger joints?
Cuz it's a great MEATING place!
17 -- Why wouldn't the lemon loan the orange any money? ... He didn't want their friendship to sour!
18 -- Which comedian would make a terrible cook? ... George BURNS!
19 -- Why is a pizza joint the best business? ...
Cuz you can make lots of DOUGH!
20-- Why did the jelly roll? Cuz he was in love with Apple Turnover!
21 -- Which president loved hot dogs? ... Franklin D. ROLLS-evelt!
22 -- Where do hamburgers like to dance? ... At a MEAT- BALL!
23 -- Why do chefs have to be tough? ... To MASH the potatoes, WHIP the cream, and BEAT the eggs!
24 -- What kind of foods stick together? ... Staple Foods!
25 -- What has a thousand ears, but can't hear a thing? ... A cornfield!
26 -- What happened to the cat when he ate a lemon? ...
He became a SOUR-PUSS!
27 -- Who has a corner on the spice market? ...
Rosemary, Sage, and Thyme!
28 -- Which foods are best for young people? ... PRO-TEENS!
29 -- Which foods get to go to the best schools? ... Grade "A" Foods!
30 -- Spinach made Popeye's arms strong, but what made his knees weak? ... Olive OIL, of course!