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flaky gym buddy?

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Old 09-09-2011, 01:10 PM   #1
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Unhappy flaky gym buddy?

Ok... so I have a good friend (we hang out a lot and text a lot) who is also overweight. We are different heights and weights (hers is lower than mine) but pretty similar BMI's. She wants to lose 60-70lb whereas I want to lose 120ish (have lost 33 so far).
I have been consistently dieting and exercising for a while now and she has expressed a lot of interest in going to the gym with me and everytime I tell her I want to go, she tells me to wait for her so she can come so I work around her schedule and wait for her to call me but it ends up not happening and then it gets too late to go. I have only worked out with her once. And I like it, I mean, its nice to have a gym buddy but it is so frustrating to always have to wait around for her.
I don't know. I am thinking she's not serious enough about losing weight to actually put in the time hard work and dedication. And I don't want to sound mean; I talked about how much I wanted to lose weight (while unknowingly gaining it) but I didn't get really serious about it until after my pacemaker surgery last winter.

Do you think I should talk to her about this?
Or just wait until she's serious about losing weight and keep going by myself?
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Old 09-09-2011, 01:39 PM   #2
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Can you offer to meet her there? Say something like "I'd love to be your gym buddy, but I need to be there at x time. So if you'd like to join me why don't we meet up so neither of us feel pressured to stay or leave and can stick to our own schedules." I don't see anything wrong with bringing up the fact that you've been affected by waiting for her in the past, and you just need to get there at a certain time to get it done. I think whether she's serious or not about losing weight is irrelevant; if it's affecting your schedule and your ability to get in a workout, then I would stop accommodating her schedule and do your own thing.
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Old 09-09-2011, 01:53 PM   #3
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I sometimes wish I had a gym buddy even a flaky one but even though you want support from someone you just have to make sure you make your goal a priority. You should talk to her about just meeting you there or set a day where you try to make it a constant. You might just meet people at the gym you can work out with so you don't have to worry about this buddy like joining a class or something.
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Old 09-09-2011, 10:49 PM   #4
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One reason I've never encouraged someone to work out with me is that I tend to be very efficient with my time, and I have a busy schedule, so I don't have time to waste. The only people I know who are like that are my sisters, so if I work out with them, I'm good (they live in other states, though, so I only get the opportunity twice a year). In the past, when someone sought me out as a workout buddy, I agreed, but for our first (and only) two meetings, she was late, and after that, I told her I would have to meet her there and start without her. I guess because I'm always punctual, I find it extremely inconsiderate when people set up a time only to be late or not show at all.

I find that many people like the idea of working out, but not the reality of it. Tell her what your workout schedule is & that you would be glad if she joined you, but I would no longer plan my workout around a convenient time for her since apparently she's not as serious as you are about working out.
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Old 09-10-2011, 08:40 AM   #5
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26 years ago I learned that you can NOT rely on anyone even your best friend to be your gym buddy, this is why I now go to the gym alone. As another poster said my time is important and my workout is efficient, I'm in and out of the gym pronto... Ask her to meet you there, if she's a no show at least you're there and YOU can work out...
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Old 09-10-2011, 12:54 PM   #6
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Agreeing with everyone.

I learned many years ago that I cannot rely on anyone to go to the gym/workout with me. Having someone to go with can be good, but the problem is that if they aren't as dedicated... they'll be dragging their feet or making excuses or not going at all and I just don't have the patience for that when I want to be working out.

You can certainly offer to go with her, but I'd put it this way, "I'm going to the gym from x time until x time tonight. I'd absolutely love to workout with you if you can make it during the time I'm there, but it won't be possible for me to wait until later."

Stand firm. Go there from x time until x time, and if she shows up, great! If she doesn't show up... oh well! You still got your workout in.

If she tries to beg you to wait for her, simply say "That won't be possible. I'm going from x time until x time. If you can't make it tonight, maybe you can make it tomorrow or later on this week. I'll be there at that time every day."
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Old 09-11-2011, 08:07 PM   #7
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She might be nervous about walking into the gym alone, but you can't let that keep you from working out. She has to break through it. It isn't fair to you that she expects you to work around her schedule.

Sometimes it can be hard for one friend to see another friend losing weight. She may sabotaging your efforts (or trying to slow you down) without realizing it.
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