I am a horrible person. I see all these posts and I just want to scream and rip my hair out. "I need help." "I am fat." "Help me get accountable." And on and on and on. Man! NO! If you are making posts like this, you are not ready to lose the weight much less make a life long commitment in getting your health in order! The only person who can help you is YOU! First, nearly every single one of the "I need advice/I need help" posts end up having several people give such help and advise....and every single time the original poster says, "thanks, I've tried that but..." Okay, stop. Stop RIGHT there. There is no "but" in this. As Yoda says, "There is no try. It is do or do not." Same applies here. There is no "but." Either you have done it and it did not work...or you haven't done it. Not every diet works for every person. But there is no but. If it did not work, move on to plan B. If plan B did not work, move on to plan C. And if it doesn't work, well, there are 23 more letters in the alphabet and I am sure you get the picture on where I am going with this. If you are serious in about wanting to lose the weight and get healthy, there would be only one "but" in your day to day business and it will be yours busting it up hardcore to get it in shape. So drop the "but" statements. If you say that, you are jsut wasting your time, my time, and the time of everyone who is trying to help you and is trying to support you. We've all been there...but the difference is, there was no "but" in our speech. Get over yourself, get off the couch, and just do it. Yes, it is hard. Never said it was easy. But being overweight is hard too. Pick your hard. Stop making excuses.
"Help me get accountable" posts upset me too. I mean, we all need a little boost every now and then, sure. We all get down, we all think it is hopeless, we all beat ourselves up. Having an accountability partner is great, someone you can share your successes and failures with daily. But plain and simple, there is not a thing any one can do to make you truthfully share what you really did outside of you. Only YOU can be accountable for YOU. No one can help you with that. We can be a sounding board, we can call you or text you or PM you asking you to stay true to yourself, but in the end, only you can be accountable to you. You can easily lie to your partner. You can neglect to say you also ate a candy bar. Or, you can say you had one bite but in truth, had 10. We would never know. The only person you are hurting is you. No one can help you get accountable. They can support you, but you have to figure it out on your own. Sorry, but that is just the way it is. Wish there was more that could be done, but again, we've all been there. And the successful weight loss losers have all had to learn this hard truth too. It is hard, I know. But it is what it is.
And stop with the, "I've tried everything" whines! No. No you have not. You have NOT tried everything. If you had, guess what, you'd have lost the weight by now! Keep trying, keep looking, keep working! Stop giving up. Stop starting over. Stay true to yourself and to your goal. But more importantly, stop with the negative belief you can't do it. Because you can. Even with a medical condition, you can. I am proof of this. I LOVE telling my story. One, I hope it inspires and encourages people. Two, I need the daily reminder of where I was and where I am. I probably share it too much, but you know what, it keeps me with it. When something doesn't work, I just move on to the next plan. For those who do not know, I was 29 when I was hospitalized due to an O2 saturation of 42 and a cocktail of other diseases. I was dern lucky I didn't die. I was teethered to an oxygen tank and told by more than one doctor to file disability and that my quality of life would be limited to how far my O2 tank cord could reach. My "exercise" was walking back and forth from my bed to my couch, and passing out inbetween the two destinations. Plain and simple, I had no hope. Let's flash forward by 16 months. I have lost a good chunck of weight (hovering between 65-75 depending on my losses/gains due to predisone and other medications and diet) and am still going down. I can run between 2-5 miles, depending on the day and how my lungs behave. I lift weights and can bench 85 (I started off with less than 10 pounds.) I still have an oxygen tank in my house. It is currently collecting dust. I still have lung issues daily. I will never have full function of my upper left lobe ever again and my asthma went from moderate to severe and EVERYTHING sets me off. I have been diagnosed with ARDS and have been told in the near future (within next 6 months) will likely get a more permanent diagnoses of my lung issues and it will be something that will haunt me the rest of my life. My O2 saturation still drops below 70 on a regular basis. but I am not disabled. I am not giving up...and I have every reason and every excuse out there to be able to do it without fault. I refuse. Because I have to change. For me.
Again, if I can do it, so can you.
And by the way, I am at Plan N now. Even us "expert losers" have to keep trying new things. Keep your end goal in mind and do EVERYTHING to get to it. It WILL come. This I promise.
Again, I am a HORRIBLE person. I know this. I really hope the best for everyone. I just REALLY dislike hearing all these half arsed commitments and watching people (myself included) give time and energy to someone only to have them say it is worthless. Stop wasting everyone's time. Either do it, or don't. But stop whining about it unless you really REALLY mean to commit!
Hopefully I inspired someone out there to stop grumbling and just do. That was my real intent of this rant. But one never knows.
End of grumble.
Stage 1: Mini Goal 1: 265 pounds - complete 1/12/13; Mini Goal 2: 250 pounds - complete 4/17/13; Mini Goal 3: 225 pounds - completed 10/21/13 Stage 2: Moderate Obesity BMI - completed 11/26/13; ONDERLAND; Overweight BMI Stage 3: work in progress
I understand the tough love, but I'd suggest to you that perhaps you need a break from the posts you are reading that are making you feel this frustrated.
Alot of people try to begin their journeys at this time of year, and alot of people struggle to figure it all out. I'd say don't judge their language so much. If it makes you crazy to watch people struggle to find their own personal paths (and yes, sometimes that means they have to learn lessons the hard way instead of taking the advice of those who have gone before them) take a break from those posts.
This is the kind of mindset I want to have, sometimes I manage, other times it’s a complete miss. For me having a nice, healthy breakfast is vital because it curbs my appetite during the day. When I miss it I go hog wild and eat whatever I can find, usually fast-food and end up feeling bad for myself so I skip several meals, breakfast included.
I do my best to have one or two boiled eggs plus a turkey breast sandwich for breakfast and this helps me eat healthier throughout the day. It all boils down to figuring out what works for you and what doesn’t.
II can really understand the frustration you're feeling, but I don't doubt that these people need the support. I think what's hard for most of these people is finding the accountability and the sympathetic ear. I do think lots of these people come because they don't get adequate enough support at home, or they lack people who really understand the issue even if they do support. It's what I feel these forums, and this section, are really all about.
You've obviously worked very hard and naturally, it would bother you to see people who have less setbacks then you that seem to not work as hard. I agree with Mrs. Snark, a break is probably really good, especially if it frustrates you this much. I don't think you should feel guilty about it, but if its toxic to you or just an aggravation, definitely want to avoid that! I think we all feel that way about something from time to time and it's perfectly natural. I used to get really frustrated by an old high school friend who complained about not having money but barely worked and complained about every job they had because they were asked to work in it, meanwhile I held down two jobs! But then, at the same time, my brother had no money but had trouble getting hired, even though he went everywhere and tried everything, even schooling to be a cashier! His struggle was real and nothing to do with his attitude but his circumstance. Despite being a graduate, he looked like he was 13. People though he was still in middle school! No one wanted to hire someone who looked so young, especially because they'd rather have girls fill the positions he could do and hire more burly men who could lift more, etc. :/ I admit that when I see people who just want to complain, it bothers me, but I think most of the commenters here are in a situation more similar to my brothers work situation, rather than my high school friends situation, where they are just lazy and negative.
That being said, I do agree with you that it has to start with a personal decision. You have to be the one to make it a priority for yourself, and no one can make you be honest. But some people definitely do need the support, even sfter personal commitment. And some people need that tough love "you just got to get off the couch" speach, but some people need the more loving speech, cause they get the tough speach at home or work, etc.
I haven't been here long enough to feel your frustration about weight loss and commenters (and I'm only just starting my first journey too, week three!) But from what I've read I find a lot of people are actually really respectful and responsive to advise. Some people think you sound harsh, but I think we all have to keep in mind your intent and that you're talking about a very select group of people.
Hopefully your post reaches the right ears, and to anyone who feels offended, remember that she's talking about a very select group of people and probably not you at all. What I'm going to take from this is just to remember that this journey requires honesty, And lying to myself won't help me! I've been good so far, but certainly don't want to start that habit with Christmas dinners and party's right around the corner.
Last edited by SenseAndSensibility : 12-18-2014 at 11:57 AM.
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