SUZAN ~ Let me echo what the others have said -- we ALL fall off the wagon many, many times; but the secret to success, is to get right back on that horse and rid'em baby! Really, that is key; you MUST forgive yourself and rid yourself of this prison of "ALL OR NOTHING" thinking. It isn't all or nothing: success is one day at at time, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, each and every day ...
Just like your little sign there says (and it's cute, as is your avatar); this is a lifetime commitment to good health! Make up a list of motivators (called Advantages); I did that and posted it in the Beck Solution Forum. Take a look at it, and make one for yourself that you can read whenever you need a little reminder.
It's a hundred little right choices; but today, just start with 1
... one meal, one snack, one day, and so forth. Another thing that I find really helps me is tracking or journalling what I am eating; it helps me stay on plan better and I allow myself one FREE DAY each week; and a favorite dinner each week as well; plus I choose to eat foods that I really enjoy!
I put a list some time back in the Chicks with Control Forum about how I overcame binging (for the most part); I still have the odd little blip now & then, but nothing like I used to do years ago. It took time to make that transformation, but I'm now there ...
1) plan your meals and snacks each day; write them down!
2) clean house: give all the junkie stuff away to friends & family!
3) get lots of healthy whole foods like veggies, fruit, healthy snacks, lean meats, whole grains, etc into your house ASAP.
4) go shopping more often to make sure you have what you need, ie 2-3 times a week, if needs be.
5) read this site; look for all the healthy tips and recipes, and ideas here.
6) limit the damage: if you don't have the high-calorie stuff in your home, then you can't do so badly. It's better to binge on salad or something like that than a 1 lb bag of chippies XXX which are not allowed right now.
7) if I want a treat: now I have to buy it in one-serving sizes -- that way I also limit the damage. I found alternatives: healthy things to snack on.
8) come here often and get support when you are stressed out.
9) get help with the anxiety and/or depression.
10) try to find out what your stressors are and do what you can to limit them as well ie, I changed friends; I don't watch the news; I read positive books only; I listen to joyous music; write songs & poetry; do my favorite things more often; take time out for me; make myself a priority; and go to favorite places now, etc.
11) try to find other non-food ways to relax: a good positive book or movie; a walk in the park or along the beach; phone a friend; listen to music; play games on the net; take up a new hobby or craft; go to the library; go shopping; take up a new sport; or join a club or gym, etc.
12) find non-food rewards: what do you love; focus on that?
I agree, if you need help with your depression, see a doctor and counsellor; don't suffer needlessly. Remember meds are a temporary tool that can help you until you are strong again. Try not to be so hard on yourself -- we are all weak and we are all strong, just at different times!