SECOND: if you need your gall bladder out, this is a medical necessity. I've had mine out and with respect to surgery time and pain, it was easy-peasy.
THIRD: You really, really need to find a counsellor to work through your issues. They haven't gone away on their own. And things generally won't get better. Counsellors/therapists are non-judgemental and supportive. You need to do this for your health. And if not for YOU at first, do this for your DH. He needs you healthy and strong. Please seek help -- you CAN heal these wounds, but you need to have help to do this.