My husband has been hovering right below actual diabetes range. He's still technically "pre-diabetic". When he goes really low carb, he can get his next day morning glucose down into normal range. Lately, though, he's been pushing it. Twice this week his bs has been in the diabetic range. I try to let him make his own decisions, because I know it has to be his responsibility... but yesterday when we went home for lunch he had a big salad and a sandwich... and then proceeded to make another sandwich.
For the first time, I protested. I asked him why he was making another sandwich??? He said he was hungry. I reminded him that 4 pieces of bread would be too much all at once, and that he really oughta just eat the meat out of the sandwich and forget the bread.
His face fell. He looked sad. I felt bad. He's a big guy. He needs a LOT of food every day. He's only got 15 more pounds to lose to be at his optimal weight of 208.
So, what I'm asking is how others with diabetes feel about their loved ones nagging about food choices? I detest nagging... but I also don't want to see him hurt himself through ever increasing carb consumption.
Where's the happy medium? I don't know what to do. Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks.
My DH has diabete's and has a whole lot of trouble. Knowdledge is power. If you don't know the effects of diabete's and what can happen find out. If I would have had known some of the information I know now I might have nagged more and maybe helped prevent some of the things that are going on now. When your talking about someone's health it is a whole other ball of wax. My DH is leagelly blind in his right eye and has had several surgery's this year to be able to just keep the eye, due to the diabetes. The insulin and pills he has to use cause weight gain. He strugles every day to keep his blood sugar at a some what normal range, for him that is 120 on a good day. Remember what you weigh doesn't always mean that your blood sugar levels are under control and good. DH is has been a good weight and had blood sugar levels in the 500's. Good luck to you and hopefully your husband can get things under control before it is too late.
Thanks for your answer, HarleyMom. I've read quite a few books now about diabetes, but my husband won't... he just asks me for the "cliff notes" version. So, I've told him about what can happen with the complications.
I'd really like to hear from the other side of the story too, though. How do diabetics feel about loved ones nagging them?
We are adults. We need to take responsibility for our own health and the consequences if we don't. I think nagging sometimes makes the situation worse because the person will show you that you aren't the boss! Instead of telling your husband 4 slices of bread are too many, why not get him some low cal wheat bread so that 4 slices would = 2 regular ones?
I do have problems with diabetes but it isn't near as bad as before I lost this weight. It never helped for anyone to nag me. I knew the consequences. Now that I am at a healthy weight, I am off insulin but before I had blood sugars ranging quite often at 500-600. I still take glucophage twice a day.
As Susan wisely pointed out, low-cal/low-carb wheat bread might help. I use the Sara Lee Delightful wheat. It has 6.5 carbs and only 45 cal's a slice. Also, wonder light white bread is even lower in carbs.
I know how hard it is to stay quiet when you think your loved one is doing something to harm their health. My mom was diabetic and I'd just cringe when she ate sweets. I would often buy her sugar-free candy or sugar-free ice cream to show her what she needed for her sweets fix. Or make her a special dessert with Splenda. Now that I can't have sugar, I have gotten pretty creative at making food without it and it's lower in calories too.
Maria, I admire your wanting to know whether you are being a nag or not. I was diagnosed with diabetes about a year ago. I really don't like my family members trying to police what I eat. I know they mean well, but it is irritating when I have planned carefully and they are acting like I am being naughty. I think the most effective thing you could do is to sit your husband down and talk seriously about the situation. Ask him if it bothers him, and if it does, if there is something you can do that will encourage him. If you approach with the idea that you LOVE him, and want him to be healthy and live long and well with you, perhaps he will be more accepting of interferance from you. When my husband asked me what he could do to encourage me, I was much more open to his help than I was when he was just nagging. You can avoid crossing the line from pre to full fledge diabetes, but for some, the cross over is inevitable. I put it off for years, but even though I was eating low glycemic foods, and avoiding white flour, white potatoes, corn, etc., I still ended up with diabetes, and blood glucose levels that were astronomical. One thing that will help your husband is exercise. If he is not getting any, get him to go out on a walk with you for 30 minutes every day. That is the single most effective way to lower blood sugar and help heal the insulin resistance that becomes diabetes. I wish you all the best.
Hi Im rosey from alaska..my family esp my hubby is always remiding me of what i should eat.. i know its meant as a help but i find it irratating.. as adults we like to be in control of ourselves..like monet i admire your caring and think education is the key..i took a class offered by our local hospital for diabetics(perscribed by my doctor and ins paid for it) at that class there where several wives there to learn so they could help their hubbies.. maybe you have such a program that your doctor could perscribe and u both go.. i thought i knew it all but learned alot..what to eat, how much,the bad things that can happen to us and how to prevent it..it might become alight bulb moment for your husband..but only he can make it work..hope this helps and wish you luck..rosey
Oh MARIE . . . . . . whether we are talking about weight-loss or blood glucose control . . . nagging never works! I know if someone sounds like they are trying to run my life for me, I just get my back up and do the wrong things out of sheer stubborness; even though I know I'm only hurting myself in the long run. Each person has to be ready to do it for themselves.
All you can try to do is be supportive when he brings up the subject. You might try leaving information just sort of 'sitting around' in the hopes he will pick it up and read it when you are not looking. Maybe you can also get him to help you with your efforts to eat better and exercise more. If you are the one doing most of the cooking, be sure to fill him up with lots of healthy, low GI food.
Above all else . . . smile lovingly and bite your tongue when you want to say something . . . and we all know that is not an easy thing to do. Good luck.
Thanks for the input. I knew all this already... but am having a hard time implementing it! It's like watching him cross a street without looking and a truck is barrelling down on him and if I don't say something- he'll be dead of a stroke within a year! It's maddening. I love him so much, and he knows it, and I can't bear the thought of losing him to something so controllable!
meowee, leaving info around won't work. He just doesn't study subjects he's not interested in. And this profoundly doesn't interest him. He hates it.
I did nag some more yesterday. I bugged him to get a doctor's appointment and get diagnosed, and then we can get him some professional help at a local diabetes research center. (They won't see him unless some other doc has diagnosed him first.) Unfortunately, our family doc is rather unintelligent- so seeing her is a waste of time and money- but at least we can get referred to the experts. When that happens, I want to go with him. He's at the family doc right now. They'd better test his A1C. I'll give up on that office as total incompetants if they dont!
I was almost down this road myself. When I started reading about diabetes, I found out about insulin resistance, and discovered that many of the troubling symptoms I'd had before losing this much weight was due to insulin resistance. I'm pretty sure I'd be in the same boat by now, if I hadn't lost the weight- or at least not far behind him.
What bothers me is that for the first few months experimenting with controlling his blood sugar, I was eating what he was eating. Sharing his diet. But, around December, it got to be too much, and I started eating sweets again. I've been plateaued for 3 months now- just because I've been cheating on MY diet- just to prove I'M not diabetic.
I feel stupid. But, that peanut butter chocolate fudge sure was good last night!
edit: The reason I worry most about stroke is that his triglycerides are REALLY high.
Last edited by MariaOfColumbia; 02-15-2007 at 09:46 AM.
Just as you have rebelled and are eating sweets to prove (subconsiously) that you don't hve diabetes, your DH is rebelling against getting a diagnosis that he his not going to like. Unfortuntely that is human nature.
I know I spent a lot of time (years) after I was diagnosed, figuring I could ignore it and everything would just go away. It doesn't! When I finally had to add insulin to my other medications about 5 years ago, I definitely started to wake up . . . but that was about 10 years after I was first diagnosed.
If only I had listened years ago . . . and lost some weight years ago (before the insulin really started to pack it on) maybe I could have avoided some of the additional problems I've developed.
Maria . . . I don't have a magic bullet to offer as a wake-up pill for your hubby . . . but I certainly hope one comes along for you, soon.
The doctor did NOT diagnose him with diabetes today. She said the numbers she's seeing do not qualify as actual diabetes yet. He asked about the several times his glucose tester gave morning readings in the upper 130's, and she said that was odd, and moved on.
SO, no expert help will be forthcoming. I WISH doctors were more focused on preventative medicine instead of damage control. He doesn't have damage, therefore, no action necessary. Arggghhhh.
I talked to my husband over lunch about this thread and the responses I've gotten. His main comment was, "I'd rather you lead by example!" I told him that this was bothering me, and that I need to be eating right for my sake, not his-- so I think perhaps we can both readjust our attitude a little, and be where we ought to be, mentally.
His situation is complicated by the fact that he got Lyme disease a few years ago, and every once in a while it shows up again, and he's wracked with muscle and joint pains for a week until it goes into remission again. He'd just finished such a week, and couldn't exercise at all in that time, and I think that's what was pushing up his glucose numbers even though he was eating OK. We'd forgotten what a difference exercise can make. Those rising numbers were what prompted us to seek professional help, but I think, really, that it was the lack of exercise causing it.
So, now that the Lyme has gone into hiding again- perhaps exercise will set things right again. I wish we'd been able to get referred to the research clinic, as I would dearly love for someone knowledgeable to discuss his weird intra-abdominal fat with- but it is not to be. (The only real fat on his body is INSIDE his abdominal wall. Before he lost 15 lbs last year, he kept injuring the lateral muscles of his abdomen, merely because it was stretched so tight from the inside. He's a blackbelt in Judo, and they work out hard.) I know from reading that this sort of fat is very bad, and acts like a part of the hormonal system in it's far reaching effects- but I would like to know more!
It is my hope that once he drops all that fat from inside his abdomen, then everything will work better because it's not getting those weird signals from the highly compressed fat. According to our body fat scale, and my calculations, when he gets down to 208 he'll be at a healthy percentage for an athlete- and I hope that the intraabdominal fat will be gone for the most part.
My diabetes doctor gets all bent out of shape when my morning blood glucose levels are over 120. Can you change doctors? Lack of exercise, and the stress of the illness could both contribute to the higher numbers, but it seems to me they would want to check it out with an A1C test just to be sure.
He did have labwork done, and they did order an A1C, so we'll find out in a few days what his official numbers are-- as well as how far off our meter at home is. It's not exactly consistant in it's reporting. You can do three tests in a row, and get three different answers.
If his real labwork is over 125 and the doc is still unwilling to diagnose it, I'm going to call that research facility and see if they'll see him anyway. It's ridiculous to refuse to see him because some incompetant can't make the right diagnosis. His blood sugars were 136 and 138 this morning. (He took it twice to be sure) I'm getting worried.
Last edited by MariaOfColumbia; 02-16-2007 at 03:19 PM.
The A1C should give you the full picture...don't worry until you get the results! No reason to fret over it. At 135ish in the morning, it sounds like it is not too bad yet. My morning levels were about 500 when I was diagnosed! Good luck, and keep us posted!
Definitely . . . try to relax until you get the results of the A1C . . . as Monet mentioned was true for her, most of us were much higher than the numbers you mentioned when we were first diagnosed. Not that I'm trying to say that you should just forget about it until things become so obvious that no doctor could possibly continue to ignore it; the soonor your hubby gets control of stuff, the better he'll be.
BTW, I subscribe to the DLife (a TV talk-show about living with diabetes that we can't get here in Atlantic Canada) Newsletter and this week's issue has an article I thought you might find helpful . . . here's a link . . . http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowCo...amy_feb07.html
To nag or not to nag?
He looked sad. I felt bad. He's a big guy. He needs a LOT of food every day. He's only got 15 more pounds to lose to be at his optimal weight of 208.
. . . whether we are talking about weight-loss or blood glucose control . . . nagging never works! I know if someone sounds like they are trying to run my life for me, I just get my back up and do the wrong things out of sheer stubborness; even though I know I'm only hurting myself in the long run. Each person has to be ready to do it for themselves.
