I Need To Vent.... - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Canadian_Mickey · 05-08-2006, 11:53 PM

Ok, I met this guy 17 yrs ago, and he became my BEST friend ever...we were inseperable, did everything together, had an amazing connection, we could look at each other an know what the other was thinking without having to say a word, we had this sense of the other persons feelings even if we weren't with that person, we knew each other so well...then 5 yrs later I moved away, and we lost touch, which devestated me beyond belief, but I hid it from everyone, because everyone would have teased me about it, because I did have a "thing" for this best friend of mine... so during those 10 yrs where we were without contact, I heard that he had gotten married, and had kids, and the usual, moved on with life... So I decided to do the same and move on, but I just couldn't get him out of my mind no matter what I did, where I went, who I met, it was weird! I'd never had anyone stick with me that long, but I never ever thought we would see each other again. In December of 2003, he came to mind again, and this time I couldn't let it go...I searched online, found him, which was a miracle, and in May of 2004, we finally after 10 yrs got back in touch.

We emailed back and forth and then a month later, my hubby and I, circumstances with work and junk, we end up travelling to boston, where my best friend lives! He ends up picking us up, and he and I spend alot of time catching up, etc...and I find out that he had been wondering for the past 10 yrs where I had been as well...all the same things I had wondered about him. Anyway in September I left and moved back to Canada, leaving behind my best friend...AGAIN!

But we phoned and emailed back and forth nearly everyday.... GREAT!

Then in December of this past year, I find out that he's getting a divorce, and his wife who abused him verbally for over 10 yrs, blamed me for their problems, when I had nothing to do with it!

So anyway, we've been emailing each other the past few months, and I've been doing my best to support my friend as he goes through all this. But the past month he's been really distant and the emails are few and far between now, he doesn't call....and I'm so upset!

I feel like I'm losing my best friend all over again! He's the only person that I've ever been able to be myself with, tell anything to, we've been there for each other through so much....he's like my other half...and I really miss him, and I'm worried about him as he's going through this divorce!

I don't have alot of close friends...alot of aquaintences but none that I really can share with, you know? The past few weeks I've really had this gut feeling that somethings wrong, I have his cell phone number, but I'm afraid to phone him....because I'm not really supposed to...I don't know what to do, or what to think, or anything! I'm so sad, frustrated, scared for him, for our friendship....

Leenie · 05-09-2006, 08:17 AM

Hey Amanda,

Gee, part of me says call, but a bigger part says don't. I keep thinking about how your husband would feel if you called him. Did you ever hear the saying "never leave the one you love for the one you like."

Just keep your marriage in mind thru all of this and how much it means to you. Then make your decision with your heart.

Hugs, Leenie

Canadian_Mickey · 05-09-2006, 09:26 AM

My husband is actually telling me to phone him. He and my friend are good friends as well, they got to know each other while we were down there. We all have a great friendship with each other. I'm not about to leave my hubby for my best friend, I've moved on from those sort of feelings YEARS ago, like when I was 14, now we're just good friends, nothing more nothing less. I guess the reason I want to phone him is because last time he emailed he was going to court to discuss visitation with the kids, and child support, and wanted to know how that went, because in Massachusetts they usually don't take the guys side in things of this nature, and I know that he was really concerned about it. He's got no family to support him through this, and not alot of friends, he's basically on his own dealing with this.

CIN · 05-09-2006, 09:41 AM

Amanda
I don't know you but decided to tell you my opinion because I think you are asking.

SURELY you know very few men & women can be just "friends". You sound like you are in love with him whether you recognize it or not but it is more in your "mind" what he is to you.

I would steer CLEAR and love my husband if I were you!

Sincerely
Cin

P.S. Almost everyone has had a "friend" like this at one time or another that we continue to daydream about......trust me. With age and maturity we realize the real man of our dreams is usually the one right beside us! Cherish what you have!

Leenie · 05-09-2006, 10:03 AM

Well if its okay with DH to call, then call

I was under the same impression as CIN, I thought you kinda had feelings for him. My bad

CIN · 05-09-2006, 10:17 AM

I think if he NEEDED advise or friends he would call Amanda or her husband.I still say:

"Leave well enough alone!"

Canadian_Mickey · 05-09-2006, 11:04 AM

You're right! both of you....maybe I should just leave things alone...if he needs a friend he knows where to find one...

CIN · 05-09-2006, 11:21 AM

Amanda
I am so glad you "took it right" and listened.

I often have opinions but don't share for fear of "starting something" or hurting someones feelings.

Keep the Faith!

Value what you have!

Good Luck & Prayers!

Cin

campbellredhead · 05-31-2006, 09:54 PM

The grass always looks greener on the other side,
you trade some problems for others.

missmuffet · 05-31-2006, 11:04 PM

They had this topic on the Hot Topics segment of "The View." It's cheating on your DH without cheating on your DH. My opinion: A whole lot of denial going on here.

LindaB763 · 05-31-2006, 11:11 PM

Well, since he and your husband have gotten to be friends, why can't your husband call and check on him?

sli · 05-31-2006, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LindaB763

Well, since he and your husband have gotten to be friends, why can't your husband call and check on him?

I was thinking the same thing.
Also try not to take it personal, sometimes when you are going through alot you just need some alone time.
He will call you again when he is ready. I think by what you have said that he know you are there when he is ready.
I also give kudo's to your DH for being understanding and befriending you friend too.

angel-eyes · 05-31-2006, 11:22 PM

or?......why not get a card (with your husbands blessings of course) you know....one of those, thinking of you types and write that you hope he's holding up and sign both of your names.

Tippy · 06-01-2006, 11:26 AM

Have DH do the phoning!

CJsPrincess816 · 06-01-2006, 12:33 PM

OK,

My opinion is to call him. He's your friend. I'm a lesbian and my best friend is a woman. She's my absolute best friend period. It is definately possible to be just friends with the oposite sex (or same sex in my case). I know for me, when I am really down, it's hard for me to reach out. My best friend will inevitably have a sense that something is wrong and will call or drop by. I love her for that. This is the woman who would come to my apartment when things were really bad for me and all but get me dressed for work....

Again, just my opinion....