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Resentment for Thin Women

View Poll Results: Do you have resentment for thin women?
Yes, I hate them all! 3 2.83%
Yes, some. 22 20.75%
Yes, a little. 26 24.53%
No. 52 49.06%
No, I surround myself with them! 3 2.83%
Voters: 106. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 12-07-2005, 11:16 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jawsmom
I believe I am considered thin at this point but I maintain the perspective of someone who is overweight. It is interesting being able to see things from both sides of the fence. Is there pressure from society to be thin? Yes. But, a whole lot of that pressure comes from the overweight community. I honestly believe that WE put as much, if not more, stock in people's weights as thinner people do.
I agree with that completely. And I think all I am trying to say is...it is easier for me to handle people who have that dual perspective. I have thin coworkers who constantly inquire into my eating habits, and when I decline a few out to eat lunches in favor of what I've brought for myself come to the conclusion that I am dieting. Perhaps it's a little paranoid to assume my weight helped them to that conclusion, but I can't help but wonder. Then they ask me things like, 'oh, are you still doing that diet thing?' It just comes across as a little patronizing. I've never had those kinds of comments from someone even slightly overweight, or someone a little curvy. These are thin-thin people who couldn't gain a pound if they tried.

And yes, I'm probably just trying to justify something that is inwardly resentful. I think Kate you pointed out that we wouldn't hate ourselves when we became thin But sometimes, I do wonder! Part of me likes the 'shield' of the extra weight, and I do worry about dealing with a new me that looks different but still has all the same problems of self esteem on the inside. I know thin people tend to deal with the same issues, rare is it for a woman to be happy with who she is, and it's certainly not based upon whether she's fat or thin at that moment in time. So that's the further explanation of my previous answer...I would call it resentment for sure. It doesn't apply to everybody, and is really all about how I see myself and my own misgivings.
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Old 12-07-2005, 11:35 AM   #17
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No, but I feel resentment for myself.....as I gained extra weight.

There are unkind people of every size

And there are wonderful people of every size (many of which post here daily)!
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Old 12-07-2005, 12:17 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoanofDiet
I think maybe a more interesting question that I should have asked (no that I'm coming OUT of myself) would be, BEFORE you decided to start recovery, did you feel resentment towards thin women....etc. Maybe there would be some different answers?
I did not.
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Old 12-07-2005, 12:27 PM   #19
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I actually find the idea of hating anyone over a physical feature a little scary. I don't think it's any more acceptable than racism, sexism etc.. As many have stated on this thread you don't know anyone's life story by looking at their jean size. No body knows how they got there or what their struggles are. Ultimately we all have some burden to bear that isn't "fair." There's a girl I work with who is thin and doesn't struggle with her weight whatsoever. She eats (like I did) to cope with stress, but it doesn't show. However, she has a child who is dying of cancer. I would take my struggles with a brownie anyday over the battles she is facing. Anyway, I'm just for supporting people whatever they are facing and trying not to project my own insecurities and low self esteem on to another individual.
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Old 12-07-2005, 12:42 PM   #20
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This is a ver interesting discussion!

I find that I feel resentment (and I'm not sure that would definitely be the right word in this case) towards people who have something or are something I wish that I had or was that make me feel bad for not. If that makes any sense? Wheter they're thin and put me down for being heavier than they are, or if they make more money and put me down for being broke!

More or less, I don't find that I resent thin people in general, but it makes me mad if people are rude to you because you aren't what they are! Like they feel as though you want to be them and they are reminding you that you are not.

Sounds like a ramble to me, but that's how I feel about that!
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Old 12-07-2005, 01:06 PM   #21
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The majority of thin people don't bother me. The ones who annoy me are those who have never had a weight problem, can eat everything they please, don't exercise and then have the gaul to make a comment about my weight.

I have a relative that is like this, she's a size 2-6 depending on the brand. As she's polishing off a double quarter pounder with cheese, large size fries and large milk shake- she says, "I'd just kill myself if I got as big as you. Why don't you eat what I eat? I never gain any weight. That way you don't have to exercise like you do." I just rolled my eyes and asked her what she was doing for dinner. Her reply, "Oh, I think we'll go the pizza buffet tonight, it's all you can eat."

I personally think she has an over-active thyroid, it runs in the family. (Of course, I wasn't afflicted with that trait-shoot)
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Old 12-07-2005, 01:52 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoanofDiet
I think maybe a more interesting question that I should have asked (no that I'm coming OUT of myself) would be, BEFORE you decided to start recovery, did you feel resentment towards thin women....etc. Maybe there would be some different answers?
Like I said in a previous thread, I never felt resentment for thin women when I was heavy, but I did feel jealousy. And I use those terms based on their meaning in the everyday vernacular, not on what's found in the dictionary. After all, if we all spoke using the precise words and definitions found in the dictionary, we'd all be trying to lose "adipose tissue" instead of "fat" .

So yes, I was jealous. I was jealous that my college roommate could pick any clothes she wanted off the rack and look like a supermodel while I spent weeks trying to find something that would cover my butt and still look marginally "okay." But I never resented her for it. I loved her like a sister (and still do). What I resented like heck was the fact that I didn't have the determination or motivation to get my lazy act together enough to eat like she did and hit the gym three days a week -- and instead spent hours on the sofa moaning and groaning about how miserable I was with my body without wanting to lift a finger to do anything about it. My unwillingness to make a change for the better was never something I held against her. Why would I?

The people I resent in the world are people who have intentionally done something hurtful to me. An ex-boyfriend, a relative, and a dog-sitter who helped herself to my VCR come to mind. The woman behind me at the Post Office today weighed about 105 and was positively stunning. Why should I feel anything toward her except (maybe) simple admiration? In fact, why should I feel ANYTHING toward her? She's never done anything to me -- we've never even met. She's just a woman in line at the Post Office. Like me. And I can only hope she wasn't looking at my hair or my new boots and thinking, "I hate her. She's got great hair/shoes/whatever."

I also don't consider myself to be in "recovery." The only things I've "recovered" are the athletic side of my personality, a huge fragment of my self-esteem, and a healthier body.

I appreciate everyone's honesty in sharing their feelings. And I agree wholeheartedly with what several posters (including myself ) have already said: perhaps you'd like to consider the fact that this is an issue about you and how you feel about yourself. I think creating this thread and being open about your feelings is a huge step toward that; you should be congratulated for taking the risk and sharing your thoughts with us .

And again, as another poster wrote, being overweight is so psychologically painful. I HATED myself when I was fat. Literally. I read my journals from most of the 1990s and all I can think is, "How could anyone despise themselves so much?" And because we're bombarded from day one with media images of women who are absurdly thin, somewhere along the line we let the superficial side of society get the better of us. We are minimized as people because we accept certain "standards" that truly only exist for the sake of higher profits for the cosmetics, film, and (yes) "diet" industry.

We need to be better than that. We need to see the beauty in everyone, not just in Nicole Kidman.
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Old 12-07-2005, 02:28 PM   #23
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I don't have a problem w/them until I see them selling clothes @ my local Lane Bryant. You can't fit into anything in this store, why would you want to work here? Grrrrrrrrr.

And even then it's not a problem, more of a "what are you doing here, you are obviously not a member of the Clean Plate Club" thought that pops into my head.
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Old 12-07-2005, 04:27 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SuchAPrettyFace

And even then it's not a problem, more of a "what are you doing here, you are obviously not a member of the Clean Plate Club" thought that pops into my head.
Are you sure you don't think that sounds just a tad hostile? Not that I don't find it witty and fun to say

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Old 12-07-2005, 04:45 PM   #25
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Quote:
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Are you sure you don't think that sounds just a tad hostile?
I don't find what she said any more hostile than some of the things that were said on your original thread -- to which no one made any direct comments, by the way.

Things like:

- "I literally feel hate for thin women."

- "I meet some very nice thin girls from time to time, but I actually catch myself hating them on sight."

-"I usually tend to not like thin girls from the first moment I meet them, no matter how nice they are."

In my opinion, those are significantly more hostile statements. I am not judging the above comments, but simply reminding you that one of the great things about this thread is that people feel safe enough to be absolutely honest with their thoughts. I think maybe we should maintain that as a goal here.
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Old 12-07-2005, 04:57 PM   #26
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well said Kate, I agree.

Having spent the majority of my life being a thin person, I've always been NICE to others 99% of the time.

I would feel terrible that someone hated/disliked me on sight just because I wore a size 6.

literally feeling hate for someone because of how they look, thin or heavy sounds too much like racism to me. or too much caffeine?
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Old 12-07-2005, 05:12 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesBassets
I don't find what she said any more hostile than some of the things that were said on your original thread -- to which no one made any direct comments, by the way.

Things like:

- "I literally feel hate for thin women."

- "I meet some very nice thin girls from time to time, but I actually catch myself hating them on sight."

-"I usually tend to not like thin girls from the first moment I meet them, no matter how nice they are."

In my opinion, those are significantly more hostile statements. I am not judging the above comments, but simply reminding you that one of the great things about this thread is that people feel safe enough to be absolutely honest with their thoughts. I think maybe we should maintain that as a goal here.
I think you might missunderstand me. I've come to the conclusion that being honest with myself is very important - which is why, by the way, I greatly appreciate you keeping me honest, LoveBassets.

I guess I was making an observation as to what SEEMED to be an inconsistancy with something Suchaprettyface said and was attempting to se if she saw that too - because, of course, I want everyone to be honest like me . I'm saying that kind of tongue-in-cheek.

I'm sure, though, if I was way off base, Suchaprettyface will be more than happy to correct me...and I will be more than happy to be corrected! After all, only she knows how she really feels.



I know, I'm probably getting carried away with these smilie thingys. But they are so expressive
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Old 12-07-2005, 08:19 PM   #28
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Do I resent thin women?
Nope. I am jealous though. Why do I have to work so darn hard at it when these two ladies at the gym are barely breaking a sweat? I mean here I am busting my rear doing reps with free weights, and I look over and she just did 5 reps on the butterfly thingy with 20lbs max. It just stinks sometimes, but then I think you know what, my husband is sleeping with me and not her. He chose me, not some skinny chick. Now, I don't want to be super skinny cause I liked the way I was before. I was healthy at the right weight cause that was my body type. And I know I won't make it to the gym tomorrow, but shoveling snow is a good cardio workout!! I hope some of this made sense
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Old 12-08-2005, 09:32 AM   #29
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Along the lines of what others have said..

I don't hate thin women, I just don't like women (of any size) who are mean, rude, or think they're better than others (because of how they look, or otherwise).

Also, as LovesBassets said, we don't know about their history. Someone who is thin may have worked really hard to lose the weight. I was talking to a coworker about this just recently. I work in a plus-size women's clothing store and my coworker, who is probably about a size 12, had someone come up to her and say, "You're awfully thin to be working here." It upset my coworker--she's a very nice girl, and just like everyone else, she needs to make a living. Why should she be told she shouldn't be working somewhere based on her size?

I told her how I used to feel when I went into plus-size stores and was helped by a thin employee--I worried that they may judge me, or they couldn't relate to being fat.. not being able to find clothing that fit nicely, was decently priced, and that you actually liked. I just felt more comfortable being helped by someone closer to my size.

But my coworker brought up a very good point--What if that woman was a plus size and worked to take the weight off? And she was totally right. I don't know anything about these people--I was the one who was being judgmental, not them. (Although, at the time of this conversation, I had gotten over that feeling anyway--I had worked with a few thinner girls and they were all extremely nice and great at their job.)

Anyway, while I may envy thin women (because I hope to one day be thin myself, I really wish I could shop in regular stores and such), I don't hate them.
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Old 12-08-2005, 11:37 AM   #30
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This is a great thread!
I agree that mean people come in all packages. Those I do not like! When I see a thin woman or an athletic woman (not waif like) I tend to remember how I was/want to be and it gives me motivation! I think 'I'll get there again, and I'll feel so great about myself when I do!'
It's great to be honest about feelings, that's one of the great things about the internet forum....but I feel sadness for people who 'hate' someone for their size. A complete waste of energy. Turn it around and use it as some self-motivation!! Negativity just drains you!!! It becomes a downward spiral that's hard to get off. You gotta love yourself first. Who cares what the others think? It's difficult, but you have to catch yourself when you start self bashing and say...I'm a good person who deserves good things!
Ooops....off on a little tangent!
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