Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

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Old 01-25-2016, 09:31 PM   #76  
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Hi everyone - I hope things are going well/will improve soon!

I'm here, but I don't have much to report...besides the fact that I need to get my butt working out again.

Actually, I do. Happened tonight -

I saw a picture of me and my friend freshman year. We were both overweight, but that obviously didn't matter to each of us (we're still friends to this day). I sent it to her and I was joking around saying how I must've gotten her fat (she lost a ton of weight and looks great, although she was a teeny bit more to go). We laughed and then I said, "Wow, I looked so skinny!" with the laughing emoji after it. She replies, "Yeah you did."

It kind of hurt me I guess, but I probably interpreted it the wrong way. I know she would never hurt me because she knows what it was/is like, but it's just how she worded it with nothing following it. It's still bothering me a lot actually and it was only 3hrs ago. I'd say something, but I don't want to cause anything or make her feel bad.

Oh well, onward!

-----edit------

Alright, I'm adding more. I just need to let these thoughts out to someone/people other than the 2 people I usually talk to.

I feel alone because everyone is off at school, making new friends, having a great time. Here I am, at home, no new friends, not really having a great time (I commute to school - community college). Every time I see a picture of my friend(s) hanging out with their new friends, I feel really upset (and part of that is jealousy I guess). None of my friends really talk to me anymore unless we have something to say - the complete opposite of even 1yr ago. We ALWAYS talked, no matter what time it was or even if we didn't have anything to talk about. They're all off with their new friends and I feel left behind/left out. Even when I get together with a friend when they're home, they still spend the time texting/talking to other people. It makes me feel worthless, as I guess I don't mean much to them anymore. Maybe this is a sign that it's time to start taking them out of my life and move on. I'm on the quiet/introverted side anyway, but I just feel upset that I finally found happiness my senior year, and now it's all gone because of new friends. My dad always told me that once college starts, people will go their own way and you won't talk to these people anymore. I guess he's right, because I'm living it right now. I really don't know what else to do. The problem with community college is, everyone is older than me/they have jobs/they have families/etc. It really isn't a "social hangout" and isn't a place to make everlasting friendships. You show up, go to class, and go home/to work/etc.

I just don't feel happy right now and I'm not sure how to go about fixing anything. Maybe it's a sign to start letting them "go" and moving on with my life, not worrying about them and their lives.

Last edited by ap14; 01-25-2016 at 09:42 PM.
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Old 01-26-2016, 12:22 AM   #77  
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I just wanted to check in. I am going through a rough time here, my client is driving me nuts. I can't be around people who are stressed out and he constantly is. It is making me sick. I am very sensitive when others around me are anxious. It makes me very ill.


I told him tonight that I am feeling ill. I don't know if I can continue to work with him. Things need to get better.


That is what is going on here now. I'll check back in later in the week.
LISA: So sorry you are having such a hard time with your client! I can understand how it would be so difficult to work with someone who is anxious and stressed all the time. I hope you can find a good resolution. That's no good if working with him makes you ill. 😕 Please hang in there and keep us posted! Big hugs to you! 💜
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Old 01-26-2016, 12:40 AM   #78  
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AP14: I'm so sorry you are going through a rough time. That comment from your friend would have bothered me, too..... especially when she didn't follow it up with anything else, like "you are still beautiful" or something..... anything! I would probably just let it go, but if it bothers you enough, you could tell her how it made you feel. It made me sad to read about your friends moving on. It sounds like you are really lonely. 😢 I hope this group will be able to fill that void for you to some extent until you make new friends. That is a very difficult position to be in. My son is going through a similar transition in his first year away at college. He tends to think that everyone else has it "on the ball" and his life isn't where he wants it to be. One thing to think about is that often it only appears that others are doing great/better than you, when in fact everyone has their silent struggles. You are just much more aware of your own shortcomings and the negatives in your own life. As I tell my son, try to focus on the positive things in your life..... and build on those things. Try to focus on your strengths and your blessings and not on the things you don't have. Sometimes that helps me get out of my "ruts." I know this is much easier said than done, though, and I don't want to dismiss your feelings of loneliness and sadness. I am glad that you are posting here and venting to us. I just hate to hear about others feeling sad or rejected, so I am trying to offer some suggestions. Please feel free to vent here as much as you want and need to. We are here to listen and cheer you on. 😊 Big hugs to you! ❤ Hang in there!
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Old 01-26-2016, 11:05 AM   #79  
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AP14: I'm so sorry you are going through a rough time. That comment from your friend would have bothered me, too..... especially when she didn't follow it up with anything else, like "you are still beautiful" or something..... anything! I would probably just let it go, but if it bothers you enough, you could tell her how it made you feel. It made me sad to read about your friends moving on. It sounds like you are really lonely. 😢 I hope this group will be able to fill that void for you to some extent until you make new friends. That is a very difficult position to be in. My son is going through a similar transition in his first year away at college. He tends to think that everyone else has it "on the ball" and his life isn't where he wants it to be. One thing to think about is that often it only appears that others are doing great/better than you, when in fact everyone has their silent struggles. You are just much more aware of your own shortcomings and the negatives in your own life. As I tell my son, try to focus on the positive things in your life..... and build on those things. Try to focus on your strengths and your blessings and not on the things you don't have. Sometimes that helps me get out of my "ruts." I know this is much easier said than done, though, and I don't want to dismiss your feelings of loneliness and sadness. I am glad that you are posting here and venting to us. I just hate to hear about others feeling sad or rejected, so I am trying to offer some suggestions. Please feel free to vent here as much as you want and need to. We are here to listen and cheer you on. 😊 Big hugs to you! ❤ Hang in there!
Thank you lots! ♥ It's just really hard watching all of my friends get further and further away, only to not really "care" about me when they come home. One of my friends called me back in November to ask a question, and she's like, "Oh, we should hang out when I come home for Christmas!" I knew it wouldn't happen...and it didn't.

That comment is still bothering me this morning. I'm trying not to tell her because it was so long ago, but idk. She's not usually that "rude" either. Maybe just another example of her wanting to move on? All she does is complain to me about boys and stuff too - we never have a "real" conversation anymore. It's either about boys, school, or eating. I'm getting sick of it myself.

I'll try to focus on the positives - thank you!
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Old 01-26-2016, 03:23 PM   #80  
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IBelieveInMe2, thank you for your kind words. You're awesome.

I am so glad to have someone who understands how it feels to have to take that step. It wasn't pleasant and some small voice still nags at me to go back but nothing has changed. At least not with me. My parents still seem to dislike me, for whatever reason(s), but have made a concentrated effort to further spoil my younger brother (24). I do think they have made such a change, in part, to make me look bad. I don't mean to be rude but my brother is both self-centered and unintelligent, largely because he chooses to be because why choose anything else when you stand to inherit a small fortune through no work of your own? So what he sees is an increased effort on his parents' part to kiss his ***. So naturally this must mean I am the problem. I always have been in that household.

For example, when I was 8, I was riding our little four-wheeler with my friend. My parents knew we were riding and either knew I had allowed her to drive and didn't care or weren't watching. Long story short, she accidentally flipped it on top of us. We were fine but she was shaken and crying hysterically. I was kind of just shell-shocked. My dad came running to check on us and as we walked back up to the house, he tried to kick me. He never asked if I was okay. It was my fault that I didn't know better at only 8 years old. This is a pretty accurate representation of my entire life with them. They've never apologized and any attempts at heart-felt talks have circled back around to me being clueless and at fault.

After our last fight, my mom called leaving venomous, almost accusing voicemails asking me if I'd like to take possession of my late grandmother's car. I never answered; if my grandmother knew how my parents had acted while I was growing up and how bad they're being now, she never would have encouraged me to kiss their asses like that. I miss her so much. Two days ago my brother said my dad was wondering what the weather was like up here. I said it was fine. Then yesterday my brother said that my mom wanted to know if I had gotten her message regarding my grandmother's car. I said "nope" and dropped it. My brother didn't ask any further questions. I'm not sure if she's referring to her original message 4 months ago or a new one but I've had them blocked since September.

Anyways though, how are you doing today? =)

Today, I am down but not totally out. I'm fasting today and tomorrow. I over-ate yesterday very badly so I'm still avoiding the scale. I was doing well until my husband came home and wanted to go out to eat. I was just like, "Well, it's 8pm...and unlike you, I didn't skip every meal and snack between this morning and now...so I'm already at cap..." I felt bad though so I went. I swore I wouldn't eat. Then I did.

I know it's all on me to make this work but it makes me angry that he just skips breakfast and lunch, then eats like 2000 calories at dinner. Our eating schedules are so far out of sync that this happens frequently, where one of us is eating or treating ourselves and the other can't or doesn't want to. So I can't help but feel somewhat resentful of him that he can't just make a breakfast, grab a piece of fruit, anything, throughout the day because he's too lazy to. He also fails to plan more than half an hour in advance and it irritates me. Saturday, we go out with his siblings and I overeat a bit but it's okay, I walked through the mall all day. Then he gets whiny and wants to go out again Sunday because he suddenly wants to be Mr. Outgoing; this always means food is involved, either through dinner or a snack at the movie. Thankfully I put my foot down and said I had homework, he needs to do something for himself. Monday, he springs dinner on me. Today, dinner out again at hibachi. I'm putting my foot down again. No. Absolutely not. It hurts that he'll be out with friends. I feel left out and unconsidered but I am not giving in again. I can't be present or I'll eat, even if I make up a lie about being full from a previous dinner date. I feel like we're splitting apart and it's all me, alone and unneeded. But whatever, I'll fast then get back on track. Hopefully I won't be afraid to weigh in next week. I just feel so alone today, I won't see him until maybe 7pm, and by then I imagine I'll be in a bad mood.

Last edited by TheLibrarian; 01-26-2016 at 03:32 PM.
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Old 01-26-2016, 05:46 PM   #81  
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IBelieveInMe2, thank you for your kind words. You're awesome.

I am so glad to have someone who understands how it feels to have to take that step. It wasn't pleasant and some small voice still nags at me to go back but nothing has changed. At least not with me. My parents still seem to dislike me, for whatever reason(s), but have made a concentrated effort to further spoil my younger brother (24). I do think they have made such a change, in part, to make me look bad. I don't mean to be rude but my brother is both self-centered and unintelligent, largely because he chooses to be because why choose anything else when you stand to inherit a small fortune through no work of your own? So what he sees is an increased effort on his parents' part to kiss his ***. So naturally this must mean I am the problem. I always have been in that household.

For example, when I was 8, I was riding our little four-wheeler with my friend. My parents knew we were riding and either knew I had allowed her to drive and didn't care or weren't watching. Long story short, she accidentally flipped it on top of us. We were fine but she was shaken and crying hysterically. I was kind of just shell-shocked. My dad came running to check on us and as we walked back up to the house, he tried to kick me. He never asked if I was okay. It was my fault that I didn't know better at only 8 years old. This is a pretty accurate representation of my entire life with them. They've never apologized and any attempts at heart-felt talks have circled back around to me being clueless and at fault.

After our last fight, my mom called leaving venomous, almost accusing voicemails asking me if I'd like to take possession of my late grandmother's car. I never answered; if my grandmother knew how my parents had acted while I was growing up and how bad they're being now, she never would have encouraged me to kiss their asses like that. I miss her so much. Two days ago my brother said my dad was wondering what the weather was like up here. I said it was fine. Then yesterday my brother said that my mom wanted to know if I had gotten her message regarding my grandmother's car. I said "nope" and dropped it. My brother didn't ask any further questions. I'm not sure if she's referring to her original message 4 months ago or a new one but I've had them blocked since September.

Anyways though, how are you doing today? =)

Today, I am down but not totally out. I'm fasting today and tomorrow. I over-ate yesterday very badly so I'm still avoiding the scale. I was doing well until my husband came home and wanted to go out to eat. I was just like, "Well, it's 8pm...and unlike you, I didn't skip every meal and snack between this morning and now...so I'm already at cap..." I felt bad though so I went. I swore I wouldn't eat. Then I did.

I know it's all on me to make this work but it makes me angry that he just skips breakfast and lunch, then eats like 2000 calories at dinner. Our eating schedules are so far out of sync that this happens frequently, where one of us is eating or treating ourselves and the other can't or doesn't want to. So I can't help but feel somewhat resentful of him that he can't just make a breakfast, grab a piece of fruit, anything, throughout the day because he's too lazy to. He also fails to plan more than half an hour in advance and it irritates me. Saturday, we go out with his siblings and I overeat a bit but it's okay, I walked through the mall all day. Then he gets whiny and wants to go out again Sunday because he suddenly wants to be Mr. Outgoing; this always means food is involved, either through dinner or a snack at the movie. Thankfully I put my foot down and said I had homework, he needs to do something for himself. Monday, he springs dinner on me. Today, dinner out again at hibachi. I'm putting my foot down again. No. Absolutely not. It hurts that he'll be out with friends. I feel left out and unconsidered but I am not giving in again. I can't be present or I'll eat, even if I make up a lie about being full from a previous dinner date. I feel like we're splitting apart and it's all me, alone and unneeded. But whatever, I'll fast then get back on track. Hopefully I won't be afraid to weigh in next week. I just feel so alone today, I won't see him until maybe 7pm, and by then I imagine I'll be in a bad mood.
Is there a way that you can get him to eat pre-cooked meals? Like cook ahead and put them in a container or something, so all he has to do is throw it in the microwave? That's helped me a ton with nutrisystem - having the food already "prepared" and just having to heat it up makes it so much easier to eat.
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Old 01-26-2016, 07:15 PM   #82  
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LISA: So sorry you are having such a hard time with your client! I can understand how it would be so difficult to work with someone who is anxious and stressed all the time. I hope you can find a good resolution. That's no good if working with him makes you ill. 😕 Please hang in there and keep us posted! Big hugs to you! 💜


Today was a bit better, lets see how tomorrow goes. It's so great to see you posting, Kathleen.


ap, I, too, don't have a lot of friends. I wish I had more but I'm still really happy. I need to go out more, meet new people, make new friends. When my financial situation improves, I'm going to do just that.





I hope everyone is doing well.
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Old 01-26-2016, 09:05 PM   #83  
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Is there a way that you can get him to eat pre-cooked meals? Like cook ahead and put them in a container or something, so all he has to do is throw it in the microwave? That's helped me a ton with nutrisystem - having the food already "prepared" and just having to heat it up makes it so much easier to eat.
Pffffft. I've cooked meals that I know he likes just so he will have leftovers for the following few work days. He forgets them. Or he grabs it on the way out but forgets utensils and can't eat it anyways. I don't know what to make of a human being who knows he will be away from a food source for 8-9 hours and doesn't even think, at the very least, "Maybe I should grab one of those bananas." But there you have it, my husband can't even remember to bring a piece of fruit or a home-cooked steak. And yes, I am growing resentful of this for several reasons...
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Old 01-26-2016, 11:01 PM   #84  
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Welllll...blah. I was just starting to get myself together, had a few non-bingey days and was feeling the emotional low start to lift, when I face-planted. I've had moments of feeling close to tears of frustration...but mostly it's just that UGH depression feeling. No point in trying. No motivation. Just wanting to do nothing.

I need to take some steps to shake this off, like, now. It will only get worse if I don't, and I have a decent opportunity with limited people-contact at work all week (except a meeting tomorrow, blah) and time to sit and work quietly by myself...which will not be repeated any time soon. SO. I just gotta.

I just don't feel like it :P

Soooooo...I'm gonna head on over to my planny thread and try to plan tomorrow out before I go to bed, and hope that helps. I just felt like this was a better place to whinge.

I'm sorry to read that some other people are having difficulties. Life can be such a dick sometimes. Hang in there, everyone.
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Old 01-27-2016, 12:38 AM   #85  
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Hey Bookmark! Love the name.

I have been going through the same motions of eating well for a few days and then, as you say, face-planting. I, too, feel frustrated to tears so today I took control and fasted. I ate so much yesterday that I wasn't really hungry and I just kept drinking so any slight tummy growls were drowned out. It's not like I did anything but game and do homework today anyways so I barely burned anything.

If you need someone to talk to, some support or motivation or even just general griping, feel free to message me. =)
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Old 01-27-2016, 10:59 AM   #86  
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Pffffft. I've cooked meals that I know he likes just so he will have leftovers for the following few work days. He forgets them. Or he grabs it on the way out but forgets utensils and can't eat it anyways. I don't know what to make of a human being who knows he will be away from a food source for 8-9 hours and doesn't even think, at the very least, "Maybe I should grab one of those bananas." But there you have it, my husband can't even remember to bring a piece of fruit or a home-cooked steak. And yes, I am growing resentful of this for several reasons...
That would make me

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Welllll...blah. I was just starting to get myself together, had a few non-bingey days and was feeling the emotional low start to lift, when I face-planted. I've had moments of feeling close to tears of frustration...but mostly it's just that UGH depression feeling. No point in trying. No motivation. Just wanting to do nothing.

I need to take some steps to shake this off, like, now. It will only get worse if I don't, and I have a decent opportunity with limited people-contact at work all week (except a meeting tomorrow, blah) and time to sit and work quietly by myself...which will not be repeated any time soon. SO. I just gotta.

I just don't feel like it :P

Soooooo...I'm gonna head on over to my planny thread and try to plan tomorrow out before I go to bed, and hope that helps. I just felt like this was a better place to whinge.

I'm sorry to read that some other people are having difficulties. Life can be such a dick sometimes. Hang in there, everyone.
Make sure you take some time for yourself - listen to music, take a long shower, etc. Stress will take over your body and make it worse. Hang in there!
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Old 01-27-2016, 10:51 PM   #87  
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That would make me
Oh, it does! Especially now! Let's look back on the past 5 days...

Saturday: P.F. Chang's, my idea, barely went over calorie count, and we were out with his siblings.

Sunday: He wants to go out again. Doesn't say to eat but I know me and I know somehow there will be food. So between that and my homework due the same night, I said no.

Monday: He comes home at 8pm and wants to go out to eat. I go out of guilt, end up overeating by 2k calories because he can't figure out how to eat like an adult.

Tuesday: I fast. He goes out AGAIN with co-workers to eat hibachi, my favorite effin' thing, and I force myself to say no and continue my fast. I wasn't really suffering, I got hungry a few times but not for long, but I knew that I could not walk into a hibachi joint and eat a tiny portion. So I spent the evening alone alternating between anger, loneliness, and, of course, depression.

Wednesday: He orders himself pizza because why would he ever think to just pack himself a lunch? I mean, he's got me, the idiot, packing myself lunches to save money so he can stuff his face every day.

I just cleared my 48 hour fast so I thought I would have a bit of his leftovers because I'm actually quite starving now. Just as I say, "I am going to eat some of your leftovers", he says, "Oh...well I was just about to eat them, too."

Like WTF **** dude? He has hibachi leftovers, pizza, and wings. You have got to be effin' kidding me. Oh, but he did offer me the hibachi - hardened rice, that's all that was left. So I picked out 3 small bites of steak and 2 small bites of chicken and left the rest in the microwave for him if he wanted it. Of course he didn't, it's still sitting there, and he's gorging himself on wings. I just left the tiny slices of pizza in the fridge. He told me to go ahead and eat them, don't feel bad, but yeah so then what was the effin' point of telling me you were about to eat it yourself?

I am really re-thinking my choices in life because my ride ain't quite so easy as his these days and I'm becoming resentful, both of him and of eating in general. I push back on depression, and something shoves it right back in my face. I'm just trying not to cry so I needed to vent before bed.
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Old 01-27-2016, 11:44 PM   #88  
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TheLibrarian: I am so very sorry that you are having such a rough time dealing with your hubby and eating right now. It does sound like you have a lot of resentment, and I can't say that I blame you. Have you tried to tell him your feelings about things? Does he know the effect that his behavior is having on you? Is he normal weight or overweight? Is he at all concerned about your weight and how he might be derailing your efforts to get healthier? These are just a few questions to consider. I highly suggest that you discuss things with him or the resentment will continue to build, which will affect your mental health in a negative way. Have you ever tried writing your feelings ~ all of them ~ in a journal? There was a time earlier in our marriage when my hubby and I were at total odds and my journals were my lifeline (along with prayer). I wrote in them constantly to avoid going crazy! It not only helped me to get the feelings out of my mind and body, but I would notice certain themes and patterns that were occurring which helped me to know where to focus my own efforts at getting healthier. Knowing that I can't control HIS behavior is still something I struggle with, but I really try to focus on (and write about) how I can change MY behavior and my responses to his behavior. I hope this makes sense. I will be thinking about you and praying that you will have the strength to confront him about the way his behavior is negatively affecting you and your overall wellness. If you have already tried to talk with him, try again! And again and again! Whatever it takes! Please try the journaling, too, though, because I promise it will bring some comfort and relief! Best of luck to you! And big hugs to you, too! Please also continue to write and vent here all you want. We are listening and we care! Are you working out at all? The physical exertion would be helpful, too. Trust me, I know all of this is easier said than done. I am constantly striving to get consistent in doing all of the things I have just suggested to you!
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Old 01-28-2016, 02:14 AM   #89  
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You are such a wonderful person, IBelieveInMe2, just seeing that you are willing to put this much effort into the lives of strangers is really touching.

He was overweight a few weeks ago but his already pretty disordered eating only aided his weight loss once he decided to cut way back on alcohol and slow his roll with food even though he still gets away with much more than I do. I would say that, now, though his weight is maybe just barely overweight. But he admits that his eating habits are bad; he's just lazy. His laziness overrides his need for food. Mine doesn't. The two styles clash and I'm clearly too weak to handle myself.

I was working out, I try to watch my Misfit Flash to see if I'm making my mark. When I'm not at work, I barely make it or miss the mark altogether. But I make up for it by watching what I eat. I just screw up after so I only eat well for a few days. I think part of the problem is that I, A) make too many excuses for myself and, B) I compare myself to his ex who is 5'2", 110 pounds wet. I don't think I can compare. Even if I lost weight I can't ever be that small and she's more feminine and outgoing and here I am, chubby librarian with no social life. So I break, because this is who I am in my head, not the pretty girl.

Maybe I will write him an email. I don't know if I'll send it but I'll write it and then hopefully be able to fall asleep. Thanks.
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Old 01-28-2016, 07:26 AM   #90  
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Yesterday was rough. My right leg was hurting bad from hip joint down to ankle. So I dragged myself into my studio and made another abstract collage.. (Click on image for larger version.) But the pain just kept getting fiercer all day. By mid-afternoon I was really angry. I cry when I'm angry. Bob got weary of listening to me cry.

Usually I meet with Mike every Tuesday and Thursday. Mike called me and asked if we could bump our Thursday time to Friday, because he had a meeting on Thursday. Unfortunately, a work crew is coming on Friday to install new windows on the back of our house, second floor. So I had to tell Mike I wouldn't be able to see him again until this coming Tuesday. That was a bummer. I could tell Mike wasn't very happy about it either, so I restrained myself from letting him know how awful I felt.

It's early in the morning as I write these words. My leg isn't too bad, but I don't know yet whether today will be better.
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