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Old 08-15-2014, 08:55 PM   #1  
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Default Asserting myself

Hi there.

Does anyone else have trouble speaking their mind without feeling like they are snapping at someone?

I feel myself getting into these type of situations when in an environment where I'm the patient, such as when I've been in the ER for a bad cold and when I met my new psychiatrist.

So, with the situation with the new psychiatrist, I was waiting for 45 minutes for my appointment, then she comes out and says she wants to bring a med student with her into my appointment. I objected strongly and said that I had waited for 45 minutes and I was told there would be no students in my appointment. She walked away and said she had to think about it, then she let me have my way and we were off to a rocky start, she said that I had an attitude, a comment which she later apologized for. I said I hadn't had good experiences at this hospital, she was reaffirming that. Then, as our conversation progressed, things flowed more easily and I apologized but I left feeling very frustrated that I had been offended and I felt offended also.

Similar situation in the ER the other night, which is in the same hospital network, they're supposed to be a better hospital than the other ones. I was frustrated because I wasn't feeling well. I was anxious and a nurse who was assigned to me was very bossy and 'in my face.' She came over to start an IV, I jerked back because it was painful and that's a reflex, she lectures me on how I shouldn't move. Umm, I understand where she's coming from but I found that rude. She could have apologized for causing such pain or she could have been more calming instead of aggravating. She was upsetting me so much that I finally said, "ok, I'm not even going to talk to you." Then I asked for another nurse and this resident doctor who seemed nice initially took the nurse's side, saying how she did nothing wrong. I said I wanted to speak to her boss, a nice doctor who was walking by and I explained where I was coming from. This doctor tried to get me another nurse, a request that was initially denied by a charge nurse, then it was granted. I did snap at the resident and say that "perhaps she shouldn't be practicing medicine. I later apologized to the senior doctor and she was understanding.

I have gotten better with relationships but it's still a struggle. I come out with some zingers/one-liners but I later feel guilty. I think I do that because I feel vulnerable and I want to defend myself. I lash back at others, not healthy I know.

I wonder if anyone can relate. Thanks,

Amy
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Old 08-16-2014, 12:00 AM   #2  
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i have a similar problem that usually manifests in a very different way. I am incredibly rude and impatient in my head. I am easily annoyed and my first impulse is always to be abrasive. I recognize this about myself and try to curb it, which means I often don't speak up for myself because I fear that my feelings are unjustified or I will express myself inappropriately. A legitimate fear, based on past experiences when I've made an *** of myself.

I do think the way you speak to people (in your given examples, not necessarily as a majority of your interactions) is immature and some of your comments are unnecessary. It seems that you realize that too, since you describe apologizing more than once. Sounds like at times your emotions get the better of you and you struggle with impulse control. recognizing that your reactions are less than ideal and that you contribute to the problem in difficult situations means you are displaying a level of self awareness that many people lack.

Sometimes I have to close my eyes and take a deep breath (which is conspicuous, mid-conversation) in order to maintain civil discourse. It would be ideal if we were all naturally sweet as honey, but alas that isn't the case. Don't beat yourself up too much, just be consistent in your efforts to be considerate.
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Old 08-16-2014, 12:33 AM   #3  
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Lightbulb I feel as though I have to Assert myself round here 2 cross the street

Round here where I reside, whenever i take a walk for exercise or to cross the street in general, across from the shopping ctr, I always feel as though the pedestrians round here are secondary to the zooming cars exiting from a 45 mph Blvd to our quiet residential street and shopping center area.

There is 1 crosswalk in the mid of the street, of course, and I feel like I am dashing from flying bullets. These motorists all seem to be in such a RUSH to turn off of the Blvd, irregardless of any pedestrian who may be crossing at the time.

The speed limit drops from the Blvd of 45 mph to 15 mph when people are visibly crossing. Also it seems like I will be more than 1/2 way across and a car will continue moving at a speed way above the speed limit. So 1 time I did raise my voice, and chastised the driver verbally , saying,"Stop Dammit, there's pedestrians currently crossing the street!"

Then frustratedly wonder what the heck they were looking at GPS????? I am so sick and tired of friggen GPS overtaking our safety on the street by making these people seem so Very Important as they LISTEN to the GPS DIRECTIONS, and yet seem to FAIL to use their eyes to determine if in fact they may turn right , going 45 mph straight off of the Blvd....

.We need a camera on our street corners between the end of the block where they turn down from the Blvd, and 1 camera where cars speed out of the bank drive way and auto assume they have the right of way even when the pedestrian is crossing already....

Its hard to assert yourself these days when arrogant people go around wearing headphones and heads down and don't even hear when 1 may say, "Pardon Me" or "Hey, you are walking way too close to the back of me, now back the **** off.....!!!"

Ya sometimes we feel impotent in actually asserting ourselves , but its technology that has interfered with people being able to communicate. They are too engrossed w/ their GPS or ipad tunes to see or Listen to the person feeling Victimized, and that really is stressful, and highLy Frustrating tooooooo!!

Last edited by 1Bluerose68; 08-16-2014 at 12:36 AM.
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Old 08-16-2014, 05:59 PM   #4  
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Amy, I have had some negative expereinces with the mental health community. As far as I know, this is fairly common. Many who practice do not have the respect that is appropriate. I am really sorry you had that expereince. I personally do not think your response or reaction was out of place. When I react or respond sometimes it is out of feeling powerless in the situation. These people can have a tremendous amount of power over others. And it is incumbant upon them to use that positoion wisely. All too often they do not. What they have instead is a disrespect. Which they feel entitled to show to the patient who is alreaady feeling vulnerable. I think it is so very unfortunate that this is accepted practice. But sadly, all too often it is.

I also have had terrible expereinces ( amongst good ones) at the ER. Once I called patient relations at the hospital to talk about my expereince. They are trained to be less biased than others you might encounter.

I do not think your reactions were inappropriate considering how much power over people these folks have. I personally do have issues with powerlesness. So I may not be the best person to give feedback. But what I can say is I am very sorry this has happened to you.

Last edited by flower123; 08-16-2014 at 06:03 PM.
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Old 08-16-2014, 08:28 PM   #5  
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Default Thank you for your replies

Thank you all for the replies.

Tinneranne- I thought a lot about your reply, and I think that what I might try instead of saying something like I have, then later apologizing is saying how someone's actions make me feel. So, perhaps I would say to someone 'when you do or say such a thing, I feel (fill in the blank).' Of course, that leaves me a bit vulnerable but I don't know what else to try. I've tried not saying anything which at times has helped, other times, I later regret that I held all my feelings inside. I do have issues with impulse control, it is something that I struggle with. I have improved in some ways, but in others, it is a huge struggle.

Blue rose, that sounds very irritating and scary. How frustrating for you. I appreciate your empathy. I agree, people are on their gadgets, etc all the time. I'm guilty of that to some degree, but I don't currently drive. I hear what you're saying.

Flower, thank you for your very kind and thoughtful reply. I agree, I think our society still has a long ways to come in how we view mental illness. I think there have been great strides but there is still a long ways to go. Thank you for suggesting patient relations. I don't know that I will call them but I'll think about it. Thank you.
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