I've been battling depression for many many years. The last 4 have been a nightmare. I tell everyone around me what I need to cope with this better but get shrugged off. I can't be much clearer to what I want. I feel invisible. Some days I get a screw you attitude towards everyone and that seems to stir something in me and I feel better. Then it crashes down for no reason. It's like a black hole that swallows you up and it takes forever to get out of. I'm lucky to get out of bed let alone feed and take care of 3 little kids. Then DH comes home and gets mad nothing got done. Then everyone goes to bed and I pig out until I go to sleep. The meds I'm on make me numb but if I don't take them I'm angry and more stressed out. No one understands or cares. I feel alone so I turn to food. Then I feel like crap about it. So I try to do better the next day. I do, then it falls apart at night. Viscous circle....
Thanks summer I do tell him. I tell him everything. He gets mad at my sister for not babysitting so I can de_stress but does nothing about it either. I guess I'll just keep telling him and hope one day he will get it :/
Who is prescribing the meds, your GP or a psychiatrist? Are you getting any counseling? Meds alone generally don't fix the problem and sometimes it takes trying multiple meds to get one that works for you.
I'd go back an see whomever is prescribing the meds and get a referral to someone for some counseling. If you are seeing a GP, perhaps you need to see a psychiatrist to better identify the right med for you and then get some counseling with a psychologist or through a community resource. Once you get the right med, you can always go back to your GP for maintenance prescriptions.
Life is too short to NOT want to get out of bed or have the energy to do anything. Unfortunately, friends and family many times can't relate to those who are depressed, because they have never experienced it.
It might help to connect with others who post regularly on a thread for support (either on this website or one that focuses on depression).
I am so dittoing NaughtyNibbler. She's right. But I'm also going to add this...when you are depressed it is really hard to take care of your self. Your mind will find ways to rationalize not doing something about it:Like who will take care of your kids, where will the money come from, etc. In addition being depressed makes it harder to actual solve problems.
I know taking care of three little kids is exhausting, but the best thing you can do for them is take care of yourself. If you can't do it for you do it for them. Although, really do it for yourself, because life is too short.
I see a psych Dr. I'm on welbutrin, viibryd and remron. I went to therapists for years. Only felt worse when I left and got major anxiety before I went because I knew I would feel worse. I've been on depression msg boards which helped a little but not the way I wanted so it ended up being more of a hassle to be on it so I stopped.
I try hard to find time for me so I can de_stress but with the kids it's hard. DH doesn't take them out occasionally like I need and I have no one else to lean on for help. Everyone who is perfectly capable to help me doesn't. So not having a light at the end of the tunnel to look fwd to, I get more stressed and then the depression gets worse. I plead to everyone I know to take them for even a couple of hours and they don't. I'm lucky to get 2 times a year of time without them. Just so hard...
Maybe you need to start taking your time. The next time DH is at home, say "I'm glad you're here, I need a break. See ya in a bit." And then walk out the door. Go for a walk, get in the car and drive to a book store. Or just drive around. Go to the mall and window shop. Anything...go to a coffee shop. And you know what. You're husband will be perfectly fine in taking care of the kids. Maybe it won't be like you want, but he will be fine.
Also if your counselor makes you anxious then find a new one. I have gone to counseling before and am actually going to start again. But it took me a long while to find someone I felt comfortable with. Try a new one. If they don't fit, try again.
Omg going to a book shop sounds heavenly lol I just might try that. I know he can handle things fine. He has when I have Dr appts. That's not the problem. I just gave to figure out a way to do it without it causing a problem.
I've seen 5 different therapists. I guess I'll try again. Just not looking fwd to it. Afraid it will be a bad experience again. Thanks for the book shop idea though!!! I'm excited now lol
If your main problem stems from the issue of not having time to yourself, you may have to find a way to connect with others who can help. If you don't belong to a church, you might consider joining one and connecting with others. Most churches (or other religious establishments) have a network of members who help each other.
Be specific with DH and start with a small & specific request with a degree of flexibility. I'm assuming that DH works and has limited available time. If he has the weekends off, tell him you need him to take responsibility of the kids for 1/2 day once a month. Let him choose the day. Start small and then work it into something more frequent. Perhaps, give him a promise that you will accomplish something in particular around the house.
Use the same tactic with the others who haven't helped. Make a specific request for help for a given day/time. You can always try to barter for services and offer them something in return.
As far as the counseling goes. If you always left feeling worse, then perhaps the technique used by the counselor was not suited for you and your situation. I'm thinking that that situation can be common, when patients start dealing with things and facing some problems head on, but that shouldn't always be the case Did you ever tell the counselor (s) that? I'm a believer in cognitive therapy (interactive therapy) as opposed to the traditional type where they keep asking why, why, why and hope you discover things on your own. It can be helpful to have someone act as a coach.
Sometimes you just need to take the first step to get out of the hole, to act as if you aren't depressed, anxious or angry. Soon you may find that the feelings will follow and your mood will lift.
We who get bouts of depression understand.
I have found a new life
I have tamed the depression to the point of now feeling in control.
I am now in control of my moods.
For me , it all began when I swore off sugar and booze. All sugar is now GONE from my life.
What a difference!
It really does feel like a black hole, doesn't it? Being surrounded by such darkness. Even if someone tries to shine a light our way, it is so hard to see it. I completely understand.
You have been getting a lot of great advice in this thread. I definitely think it would help you to be more assertive of your needs, like another poster said, and take the time you need for yourself. You cannot take care of others, especially a big family, without taking care of yourself. I am so sorry that you do not feel supported by your family. I hope you find some small comfort on these boards.
Have your doctor write you a prescription for "child free time, 1 hour per day, 6 hours on Saturday or Sunday." Their father can and should spend time with them. He'd figure out how to do it if you ended up hospitalized from being sick, so he can figure it out now.
also, bring him to a doctors appt with you so he can hear the doctor.
It should not be a case of "DH will watch the kids sometimes." He isn't a babysitter, he is their other parent.
As far as the kids and you-time, if your husband can't or won't watch them for a couple of hours a week, you should consider a babysitter or what my counselor calls a mother's helper - a tween or teen who can play with or entertain your kids while you go elsewhere in the house to nap, shower, watch a movie, read a book, whatever you want to do.
Also, does your psych help you try to find ways to overcome or lessen your depression issues (coping mechanisms, I suppose) or does s/he just prescribe meds? For years, I went to psychiatrists who gave me meds and helped me figure out why I was depressed, anxious and angry, but did little in the way to equip me with tools to use in conjunction with the meds to change my outlook. I am now working with a counselor who is helping me figure out ways to stop or lessen my anger and anxiety. I'd rather work on ways I can change my behavior than only on meds for my long-term well-being. I know this is not possible for everyone, but I just wanted to throw it out there as something to consider.
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Last edited by BettyBooty : 07-11-2014 at 11:52 AM.
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