Toxic People
 

Hi All,

Yeah, it's me again with another post! Hiding from my mother right now....she could depress the **** out of anyone. Think the woman would complain at her own hanging because the rope wasn't new.

I've heard the term "toxic personality" before....another good one, is "soul stealer". Just wonder how everyone else handles blocking these people. Blocking their affects. And most of all, how does one avoid turning into one of them?

I mean, I love my family and I want to help but sometimes it just sucks the life out of me. In my mother's case, I "know" there is nothing that I can do that will ever make her happy...she's just that type of person but there is a part of me that still goes for the bait, still trys, and still feels guilty because I didn't do enough or plan better. Know what I mean?

And I know that my weight is a result of "stuffing it". I'm the classic caretaker but why is it I can't seem to put forward the effort to take care of myself? And most of all, why do I allow these people (there are a few) to come before myself? Even as I write that it sounds selfish but I know that it's a better way to treat myself.

****, don't know where I'm going with this....just that it's been a difficult week and I'm not liking what I see. I see what is happening, I know how it makes me feel and yet I continue to do the same things. Insanity.

So, I guess my question is....do toxic people exist on their own or do we allow it? I mean, there are people who are naturally users etc., but don't we teach people how to treat us? And if so, how do we stop it while maintaining the relationship?

LOL...well, there's one to chew on that's low cal! :lol:

Deb

AHHHHhh the sounds of guilt and negativity are familiar everywhere hun.Don't feel guilty about anything and always keep a positive outlook.I know I know better said then done.People who are miserable within theirselves love misery all around.*believe I liked to slap my brother inlaw once in awhile*


Example: I use to make my mom feel guilty because I was in a Girls home from age 16-19.Yeah I was bad girl and got sent away.Well one day my mom told me; that it didn't make her feel good and she was tired.I stopped doing it.

Later; my mom was making me feel bad by bringing up somethings that bothered me and I told her the same.

Honesty and being outspoken; pays in many ways.They way one feels is their choice.She doesn't make u feel that way; you want to feel that because you feel you should.*its caused from being a victim* You change this by staying positive.For every negative I try to come with three positives.ITs hard but it can be done. Believe me I don't learn this stuff from text books even though i took classes in psychology; its all from experience.Tell her how u feel...


I hope this helps some.Stay positive and focus on yourself.:) Like I said before please feel free to Pm me if ya need to vent or just need advice.I will help u the best I can by listening to u.

I stay away from my family because of that !
They just always have some Jerry Springer like Drama going on and I want no part of it.

Yeah...toxic family here also. My husband and I moved *our* family far away from my family of origin and have NO contact with my mother and minimal contact with the others...

Deb,

THEY DO EXIST !!

My mom is one also, I love her dearly, she will give me the world if she could, but everything is negative. I have to mentally tune her out...and realize when I see her this is how she's going to be, I can't change it. I see her every day so I kinda keep the conversation short OR I'll keep the subjects changing. Its Work !!

This sounds horrible but I don't let people like that in my life, I have no room. Its one thing to have down days but to constantly be "toxic" as you so very well put it :lol: I just can't. I don't even like watching the news or listening to the radio news.

Life's to short, there are way to many things we can't control.... All I want to do is spend my day's smiling :)

Good luck Deb... hey come visit us on the daily thread, we'd love to have your sense of humor there, your so funny.

Hugs !!

I think it is a matter of choice as to how we deal with "toxic" people! My mother was probably the most toxic person I ever knew. I learned to simply see her as little as possible and to ignore her negatively the rest of the time. Like Leens said...change the subject. It is also perhaps learning to accept the fact that that person is NOT going to change.

Most of the time, I simply do not have that kind of person in my life. It's that simple.

Thanks All! Was really venting yesterday....had a extra heaping dose of Catholic guilt yesterday. Needed to vent. Thanks for listening!

Things are similar today but I'm working on avoiding her the best that I can. I've tried confronting her in the past but it never works. She gets her "hurt" face on and twists it around. Somehow it gets worked into the 'Poor Me" monologue. That woman could make me feel guilty for El Nino.

I guess it could always be worse. At least now I'm allowing myself to feel the anger. It's also allowed me to examine how I behave and the similar traits I may have.....I NEVER want to be like this.

Hope everyone has a Great Weekend!

Deb

Have u ever seen Divine Secrets Of the YaYa Sisterhood?:)

Yes! lol

oh boy, can I relate.

Why is it that most toxic people end up being family members? lol

Draining the life out of you is what they specialize in uuugghhh!

I have a plan that kinda works for me...firstly I always offer them help, support or just to be there to chat with...BUT when they start dumping their stuff on me and worse still, NOT even listen to good advice, then I just say...ok I gotta go I'm busy or I keep phone conversations short- I let them know I care about them BUT I also care about myself first and want to look after my own well-being.

You need to look after yourself first so you have the energy or even the inclination to help others.

I find I need to be polite, yet firm...and if they don't like it then THEY need to deal with that.

mygirl