[flower123]

hi. I am drained from a plumber being in my home since Tuesday. Hard to have his energy there every day. Tomorrow he will be back at 6:30am. It has thrown off my eating. And my sleeping. I normally do not get to sleep until very late. i have further cemented my weight gain since he has been there. The job is not completed yet. So I do not know when my life will again normalize. I have not had hot water since early tuesday morning. And didnt know then that it would be turned off. So I have not showered since Monday. Bigger and smelly, lol. i just hope he finishes up on Friday. Otherwise I will be without hot water in my home until Monday. AND I am having a VERY hard time with his energy. I also am having a terrible time with what the scale is saying.

Today I ate alright except I went to Costco and the samples were big ad full of carbs and fats. Carbs and fat a-plenty. The result of my indulgence is depressing. I have to find my way back to losing that 5 lbs that i gained. Otherwise I will keep going and going back up the all too familiar yoyo. And thats one scary thought. Sorry to be so down. And for not responding to what other people wrote.

[MonteCristo]

Flower123 - That is one serious plumbing problem! Short of replacing everything in your house I can't even imagine what must have gone wrong...I really hope he gets finished. I understand completly about having someone else in your home throwing everything off.

Amy - I hope you start to feel rested soon. That tired/worn out feeling makes everything so much harder.

Fiona - I'm going to definitely try that slow breathing exercise. It sounds like a perfect combo with my new hamock!

Kathleen - Have fun at the lake and reception. Sounds like you have a lovely weekend planned.

Ohio - How are you doing? I was glad to hear your mood was still good even dealing with some financial issues. Any kind of stress takes a toll and sometimes financial can be even worse.

Fleur - You are really on a roll lately. Killing it on the mood, diet & exercise front! Keep it up!!

This has been an awesome week for me so far. I could almost slap myself for not doing low carb sooner. The difference in how I feel is about as dramatic as when I started my depression medicine. Like I'm a whole new (and greatly improved) me. I wish there was a way to "tape" this feeling so I remember it next time I want to do something ridiculous like eat a 1000 calories burger and wash it down with a 1000 calorie shake.

Oh, and though I probably should back away from the scale ( ) I'm now down 6lbs! I can't even begin to express how happy I am about this, so I will just add a bunch of dancing veggies!

[Fiona W]

Another hard BERP day in my collage studio. I peeked into a couple of boxes just to see what they had in them, and was appalled to see a confused mess of cosmetics, ointments, insurance papers, ragged garments, you name it. And a couple of others contain way too many saved articles about Patti Smith that I will have to go through piece by piece, just to make sure I don't throw out anything I would be heartbroken to lose. (Patti Smith has been my one and only idol for nearly 40 years.)

But I put the lids back on those boxes. I'm not going to deal with them now, even if they are taking up space in my collage studio. I've been peeling back the layers of the contents of this house that belong to me, and I'm back into the 1990s now. It's not easy to face stuff that old.

Tonight Bob moved the 11 remaining boxes of books we are giving to charity out to the porch, for a scheduled pickup of tomorrow AM. I added a couple of organizational doodads I never figured out how to use—still like new and in their original boxes. I've discovered over the years that all I need to stay organized is my brain, my iPad, and a whole lot of bookshelves.

Then I had the idea that it was time to take up the rug in my studio. Bob just vacuumed it this morning, so it looked bright and fresh. It's a strange rug because it's in the irregular shape of a tropical island, one big enough to have three different beaches, mountains in the interior, some huts, and various animals—all depicted on the rug in bright colors. I found it in a children's catalog back in 1996 and fell in love...I adore tropical islands, and have been to Hawaii three times so far—the last time for a whole month all by myself in a tin shack on the beach...paradise indeed.

But it's time to say goodbye to my tropical island rug, because I want floor space in my studio to set up a couple of easels and have paint & brushes & other art supplies on a rolling taboret I have. I'm going to be making larger collages, and I need open space in which to set them up as works in progress.

So we rolled up the rug and put it out with the books & other stuff, to be picked up tomorrow. Bob vacuumed the wood floor. My studio looks amazing, and I'm thrilled by all the creative doors that are opening in my head! The BERP, when finished, is going to be really good for my art.

And yet I have a sense of loss...oh well...

[Fiona W]

By the way, MonteCristo, I know exactly what you mean about feeling like a whole new improved person after going low carb. I finally gave up sugary treats last November, and since them have been eating just meat, cheese, macadamia nuts (they're low carb), and salads. I love it! I have real cream twice a day. I get to eat fatty foods like salami (organic, humanely raised meat; no sugar or other toxins). My taste buds are happy. I never feel hungry for longer than it takes to grab another slice of brie. I'm losing steadily. And I have so much energy! =grin=

[flower123]

MonteCristo, the plumbing work is removing the water heater and boiler/furnace. Replacing them with one unit that does both. But he had to build all new piping. I dont understand it all. I cannot imagine why it took so long. But it did. Lots of piping in the utility room. I know they were honest. Am positive about that.

Awesome that you are doing so well on the low carb diet. I went low carb 1 1/2 years ago. Huge difference. But I cannot cut them out completely. When I tried that it was not physically healthy feeling. The weight comes off so well with low carb and low fat as I was doing. SO awesome that you are doing it. Congrats on the weight loss !

Fiona W same as above. Awesome that you are able to do the low carb thing.

I do not know how to get back that dicipline to stop the hot chocolate. While it is sweetened with stevia and has water and fat free almond milk, the cocoa powder itself is high in calories and carbs. And I am drinking so much of it. I hate these binge things I get on. This one has been getting worse. Keep trying to stop. Attempts to limit to even 4 cups a day seem futile. Drinking A LOT of the stuff.
Need to find the way to stop. Keep trying. But going back. Could be because cocoa/chocolate is good for the endorphins. I think I am just an addict.

[worththeeffort2]

Good morning, all. Thank you very much for the support. IBelieve, I think you're correct. I think there is an expression of jealousy about my weight loss and just the basic desire to have a target of gossip. From the outside, I expect my weight loss appears easy. Because I don't talk about my journey with these particular women, they have no clue about the difficulty of this process. I wore my larger clothes throughout the winter to save money but it also concealed how much I was losing. For these women, when I showed up at the office wearing jeans that actually fit, my new figure was surprise, I'm sure.

Over 3 hours of cardio on the elliptical this week and I've managed to lose another pound. I'm taking stock of the kitchen later this morning, then heading out to do my grocery shopping for the week. The weather has finally clicked over to "summer" mode. It is going to be hot and humid this weekend.

After work yesterday, I went to the bike shop and bought myself a stylish new helmet. The one my husband picked out for me looked like a batter's helmet without the ear flap. In other words, butt ugly. Yes, I am that vain. Plus, it is too large and flops around when I'm riding on a dirt road. The professional at the bike shop made sure the new helmet fits me properly. I also invested in a rearview mirror and one of those blinky lights for increased visibility.

On the way home last night, I measured out a four mile loop that I can ride from the house that will keep me safe and close to home until I feel like a skillful enough rider to go further. My goal is to be able to do a quick-paced, 10-mile ride by Labor Day.

The other excitement for me is that I've stopped taking my birth control pills and it seems to be helping my mood. I ran out a couple weeks ago and accidentally tossed the Rx number, so went for a week without. During that time, my mood was definitely buoyant but I thought it was just because I was on vacation and the sun had finally come out. I finally got the prescription refilled and after only three days of taking the pills again, my mood completely tanked and I felt totally "hormonal" and pissy. I decided on Thursday, that I would stop the pills again to see what would happen. Immediately, my mood improved. Since I have been taking the pills simply to regulate my period and not for birth control itself (my husband had the big snip), I'm going to stop altogether and wait to see how things go.

Well, enough silliness. Have a wonderful weekend, everyone.

[FleurDeLis]

Hi everyone,

This was an interesting week. I began low carb as a means to lose weight and so far I think it's been successful. Today I weighed in at 181.5lbs! WOOP!!!

I didn't get a call about that job, BUT I did apply for a part time position at a pro life agency. Praying I get contacted for an interview. Also, the Catholic Center position will close on Monday so praying to hear from them for an interview as well.

I'm staying positive, but considering looking into some counseling. I need to check with my insurance to see what the process is, etc but I think it could be very helpful for my depression and up and down mood. I have a lot I'm dealing with right now and it would be nice to have someone educated in counseling to help. We will see how this goes.

My hubby and I will be going to visit his brother who is in prison. It will be the first time we can visit so we are excited. He had a very short sentence and only has about 2 months left, but the process for getting approved for visits takes a while. We're excited to see him as it's been 4 months since we saw him last prior to him going in. Letters and emails just aren't very good. Plus we'll get to buy him some food. I guess they don't feed them well at all there as he has lost weight. He was a healthy weight before, so it obviously the food content and amount. He made a stupid mistake to get in there, but we will all be happy to see him leave. He realizes his mistake and I think has definitely changed for the better. I know his faith has been strengthened, which I'm very happy for.

[worththeeffort2]

Fleur: I hope you and your husband have a good visit with your brother-in-law. I'm glad you'll have a chance to see him. I have a young cousin who got wrapped up in non-violent drug trafficking and is pleading guilty to her charges. Federal Law says her minimum sentence should be 10 years, which has upset my parents since it is unlikely they would be here to see her return to society.

I've read that since she's entering a guilty plea and is undergoing drug treatment in advance of her sentencing, she may get a significantly reduced sentence but no one will know until she appears in court. She'll have to serve her time in a federal facility. Her grandmother is hoping for Connecticut, because it is the closest but who knows? Hopefully, she'll receive some sort of job training.

This whole prison thing is entirely new to the family. No one knows the rules or regulations. What's allowed? What isn't allowed? How do you find out? When she was in County Jail waiting to enter drug treatment, my father sent her $10 for commissary. The state took $4 of it for "processing." I had no idea the state was taking a 40% cut of any money prisoners received from family. The entire experience is like finding yourself in a maze.

[flower123]

worththeeffort2, I am so impressed by your dedication to the exercise. 2 hours on the eliptical in a week? Oh that is impressive. And now bike riding?
Awesome re the mood change when stopping the pill.

woke at a normal time. But it was too daunting to face the day of food cravings. After a while I went back to sleep.

Am going to try do the little jogging trampoline for 7 minutes. Thats about the max this exercise avoidant person can do. I also plan to stay strong re intake of food today. Had a rocky start with the hot chocolate. Very rocky. But I will do my best the rest of the day to keep calories and carbs to bare minimum. Except for the cocoa powder, of course. Projected calories : 1260.

[seabiscuit]

Hi there...

I hope that everyone is having a good weekend. I'm going to bed early because I get up early tomorrow to head to Nantucket! I'm very excited, this should be a lot of fun. Last night I watched The Fault In Our Stars, it is an excellent movie, sad but very well done.

Have a nice evening. I'm off to track some points.

[FleurDeLis]

worththeeffort- Yeah the whole system is very flawed. The rules are ridiculous. In regards to what you can wear to visit, no khakis, no blue, and one other color. If you stand up at any time during the visit, that ends the visit. The rules go on and on.

Sorry to hear about your cousin. I believe our laws are too harsh in regards to drugs. My brother in law isn't in for drugs but for another reason. A lapse in judgment. The saddest part of the whole situation is we didn't really expect him to go to prison. His lawyer was pretty confident he wouldn't serve any jail time. He was wrong. Many people provided character witness statements for him including family, close family friends and our priest. The judge basically called us all liars. It was a really sad excuse for justice.

I'm excited to see him. His parents saw him today and I guess other prisoners are starting to get jealous of him and his soon approaching release. They are trying to get him involved in things and fight, etc. I'm praying he's able to lay low and stay safe. We had never dealt with a family member in this situation, but it really makes you understand how sending someone to prison affects not only that person, but so many more.

As a last note, the judge who sentenced him was up for reelection this year. Unfortunately, no one ran or will run against him, so he will remain on the bench. :/

[flower123]

made the decision to not allow cocoa powder in my home anymore. I will have some tomorrow morning and then dump the rest. I cannot control myself with it. Its what I call a "trigger food". The calories are a whopping 42 per tablespoon. And I think I read there are 18 grams of carbs in a Tbs.I use a shameful amount in a day of cocoa drinking. There are cocoa powders on the market that are lower in calories. But this is dutched. And it is very good quality.

I still will have the black cocoa powder which is only 10 calories / 3 grams of carbs per T. IT is so intense that it can only add it to things. eg my dandiblend drink which i do not like very much. I always have added in the black cocoa powder to the other.

SO this should take care of the problem. Although it will remove the reason I have to wake up in the morning. So its a trade off. I have tried doing this before. I will try yet again.

[worththeeffort2]

flower123: Thanks for your support. I have to admit, I'm not a big fan of exercise but I'm learning that it is really the only thing that works if I want to burn fat and make serious progress in my weight loss.

I've stated it here on the board before: it isn't a matter of "can" and "can't"; it's a matter of "will" and "won't." If you're facing a workout you don't want to do and tell yourself, "I can't! I'm too tired," or "I can't! It's too hard," what you're really saying is, "I won't. I don't want to." Reframing my perspective in this way forces me to own my actions. That way, if I don't lose weight or if I lose ground in my fitness, it's because I won't do the work necessary for success and I have to own that decision.

Sorry about you having to toss the cocoa powder. I purged all my cupboards, too. Anything containing carbs, including flour, I packed up and gave to my parents several months ago. Pasta, crackers, my beloved Jasmine rice, all gone. The only high-carb food we have in the house now are my husband's raisin bran and dried prunes. He does not have to fight me to maintain possession, trust me!

Holly: We miss you! I hope things are going fantastic for you at work. Since it is a gorgeous New England weekend, I hope you are getting a chance to get out and ride.

Amy: Nantucket sounds dreamy. I hope you squeeze every ounce of fun out of the trip that you can.

Last night, I took a (car) ride with my husband to map out the route for my 10-mile goal ride on Labor Day weekend. The loop is actually 10.8 miles from our garage door back to our garage door, so it works out perfectly. There are a number of hills (which means there's an equal number of downhills!) and about 5 miles of it will be on a dirt road. Very little traffic, so safe in that regard.

I did some online research last night about the kind of training I should be doing. What I found is that I need to up the number of times a week that I go out on the bike to four or five. That means I need a couple more pairs of padded bike shorts so I have something to wear while some are in the laundry. I also found recommendations that I should be doing bodyweight training--crunches, lunges, and the like--in the hundreds. Hundreds? Talk about can't and won't! I am so totally NOT a fan of crunches.

I do need to come up with a weight training program I can stick to, however. Despite Sabrina's great support here, I just don't feel comfortable in the free weight area of the gym because I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I'm going to have to hire a trainer to teach me a routine and supervise for a while. Making a monetary commitment may be the only way to force myself to carry through and stick with a program.

On a different note, I finally decided on my non-food reward for reaching the 80 pounds lost mark. I've scheduled to get a set of artificial nails while I'm on vacation next week. It's a totally girly-girl thing to do, I think, and is something I've never done before though I have thought about it. I'll get a set of business-length, traditionally shaped nails. I want them to look natural and still be able to type! I'm currently obsessing over what color to have them painted.

[Fiona W]

Other than our niece Margaret standing us up for dinner for the third time in a row (she's been really busy, so I forgive her), I had a really nice weekend. It was a treat to have those 11 boxes of books, plus some other stuff, plus the rug I no longer wanted, picked up by charity and gone, gone, gone. Now all we have in the downstairs hallway is a box I'm saving because it's a perfect size for kitten play, and I can start thinking about displaying the highlights of the mail art I've saved on the wall there. That would be yet another batch of stuff up off the floor. Wide open floor space is what it's all about!

My great-niece Grace came over on Saturday afternoon for another round of sorting clippings, and we had some terrific conversation about art. She's goin' great guns with her art journal, and I was able to give her some tips on fine-detail snipping, drawing with a smoother line, creating personal handwriting alternatives, and how to make collage postcards. I think the most rewarding part of the afternoon for me, though, was taking her into Bob's and my bedroom to look at the dozen or so large prints we have up by Van Gogh, Picasso, Kandinsky, Klimt, Gauguin, et al., and talk about composition. She seems not to have had much exposure to fine art, because her jaw was dropping in delighted amazement as we went from print to print and observed what they had to teach us. Nothing like looking at art with a newcomer to see familiar images with new eyes! It makes me want to schedule a trip with her this fall to hop the Metro into DC and visit the National Gallery. It's been way too long since I've paid homage to my favorite paintings there, and they rotate stuff a lot in the newer wing, so who knows what wonders we might encounter? =smile=

I don't have an update on the kittens 'cause Julie had to make a short trip, but I'm hoping to get one in a day or two. I think of little Oscar often, urging him to "Get well, well, well" and "Grow like a weed!"

As always, I'm sorry I don't have time for personals because of the ongoing BERP, but please know that I'm reading your postings with care and wishing all of you the best!

[FleurDeLis]

Visit went great today. It was so nice to see my brother in law. Got some sad news though, apparently some other inmates stole a lot of his commissary stuff. Very petty. He was also jumped by another inmate, hit several times, and the guy tried to choke him out. Luckily, he knew how to defend against that and was able to get out of it. We're praying so hard that the next few weeks go by quickly so he can come home. It was so hard to leave him there... :/

Hoping to hear something in regards to job interviews this week. One at the Catholic Center, the other at the Crisis Pregnancy Center (A pro-life organization.) Please pray or provide positive thoughts for me... I know most of you are! Thank you!