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Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

So ugly - why bother?

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Old 05-13-2014, 12:15 AM   #1
Mii
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Default So ugly - why bother?

I am having trouble keeping the weight off or even finding the motivation to lose weight. Last year I was living at home after being laid off. I worked at a dept store 2.4ish miles from home and walked to and from work for the better part of 5 months. I was commited to exercising, eating better for the first time in about five years. I got a job offer after almost a year of looking, moved to Boston and before I knew it the weight is back.

I have had depression on and off for most of my life, but this time it feels terrible. I not only have a weight problem, but I've had skin problems and I have trouble accepting myeslf. I feel trapped in my body. I feel like my body doesn't describe the person that I am at all. I feel like I'm so unattractive that trying to put my best foot forward or even take basic care of myself at times is just such a stupid idea. I can't find the motivation to lose weight like I did before. Why? I guess seeing other people respond to me in more or less the same way really took the wind out of my sails.

Since moving out here I haven't been to any social events since last winter. I spend my time "safe" at home or take a trip back to my parents' to visit. I feel like I don't stand a chance against all the petite, beautiful women in the city. Sometimes I feel ashamed to leave the house. I wonder how being normal weight will even help me - I was really unattractive and unliked even when I weighed > 130 lbs in high school (that was the last time I was ever > 150 lbs). I feel like no matter what I do I'm going to be a piece of sh*t anyway - history has proven that. So why try?

I am really struggling to find motivation to get back to being healthy. I hated exercising but I don't want to get bigger or develop health problems - at 200 pounds I can feel the strain I put on my body, and things that were getting easier are getting harder again. Still, I feel like I can't justify investing in myself when after all that work, and giving up my one crutch, my life is just not better at all. I feel scared of how unwanted I will be and how much I will continue to hate how I look no matter what I do to improve myself.
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Old 05-13-2014, 02:26 AM   #2
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I am so sorry you hurt right now.

Quote:
I feel like my body doesn't describe the person that I am at all.
What person are you?

Quote:
I (think) I'm so unattractive that trying to put my best foot forward or even take basic care of myself at times is just such a stupid idea.
I note you use "feel" when you mean "think." Could try to use "think."

I note you talk down about you. Is this a habit?

Because I can change my mind. I can think there's a burglar in the corner and then look again and come to find it is the tree outside shadow. I am not my thoughts or my feelings. I'm the one DOING the thinking/feeling. And sometimes those thoughts/feelings can be WRONG. It's ok to change my mind!

Do you know you are NOT your thoughts/feelings? You are the person doing the thinking/feeling? And that it is ok to change your mind? And talk BACK to the inner bully voice?

Quote:
I can't find the motivation to lose weight like I did before. Why? I guess seeing other people respond to me in more or less the same way really took the wind out of my sails.
Or because you are busy being your own bully and discouraging you before you even get started?

Quote:
I (think) I don't stand a chance against all the petite, beautiful women in the city.
What's the competition about?

Quote:
I think no matter what I do I'm going to be a piece of sh*t anyway - history has proven that. So why try?
That's a violent way to talk about yourself. Calling yourself names like piece of ****.

Do you enjoy hearing that talk?

Quote:
I don't want to get bigger or develop health problems - at 200 pounds I can feel the strain I put on my body, and things that were getting easier are getting harder again.
That's a reason to work at it.

Quote:
Still, I (think) I can't justify investing in myself when after all that work, and giving up my one crutch, my life is just not better at all.
So you tell yourself you are not worth taking care of. Even though your body felt better when you did. And things were getting easier. And you want to avoid health problems in future.

Quote:
I feel scared (when I think) of how unwanted I will be and how much I will continue to hate how I look no matter what I do to improve myself.
Have you done anything to address how you talk to yourself about yourself in your head? Your thinking habits/patterns?

That could be a part of your health plan -- not just exercise or nutrition.

You are mind, heart, body, and soul. Not just body.

Hang in there!
A.
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Last edited by astrophe : 05-13-2014 at 02:30 AM.
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Old 05-13-2014, 05:04 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mii View Post
I am having trouble keeping the weight off or even finding the motivation to lose weight. Last year I was living at home after being laid off. I worked at a dept store 2.4ish miles from home and walked to and from work for the better part of 5 months. I was commited to exercising, eating better for the first time in about five years. I got a job offer after almost a year of looking, moved to Boston and before I knew it the weight is back.

I have had depression on and off for most of my life, but this time it feels terrible. I not only have a weight problem, but I've had skin problems and I have trouble accepting myeslf. I feel trapped in my body. I feel like my body doesn't describe the person that I am at all. I feel like I'm so unattractive that trying to put my best foot forward or even take basic care of myself at times is just such a stupid idea. I can't find the motivation to lose weight like I did before. Why? I guess seeing other people respond to me in more or less the same way really took the wind out of my sails.

Since moving out here I haven't been to any social events since last winter. I spend my time "safe" at home or take a trip back to my parents' to visit. I feel like I don't stand a chance against all the petite, beautiful women in the city. Sometimes I feel ashamed to leave the house. I wonder how being normal weight will even help me - I was really unattractive and unliked even when I weighed > 130 lbs in high school (that was the last time I was ever > 150 lbs). I feel like no matter what I do I'm going to be a piece of sh*t anyway - history has proven that. So why try?

I am really struggling to find motivation to get back to being healthy. I hated exercising but I don't want to get bigger or develop health problems - at 200 pounds I can feel the strain I put on my body, and things that were getting easier are getting harder again. Still, I feel like I can't justify investing in myself when after all that work, and giving up my one crutch, my life is just not better at all. I feel scared of how unwanted I will be and how much I will continue to hate how I look no matter what I do to improve myself.
Hi Mii

You are worth. It is worth it. You sound very depressed and hopeless. I think if you are not seeing a therapist or counsellor you should make that a priority. You need support and someone who can give you a little bit of hope when you can't do it for yourself. Have you ever had a therapist? Whether or not you have, you should find someone now. Someone who can tell the things like you just told us. So that would probably be a woman right? Anyway go for a man or woman who ever you think you'd be able to open up to most.

I'm sorry to hear you've had a rough trot in recent times. I know it is hard when you want a job and it is there for you. etc.

Still being a healthy weight has its own rewards. Life is physically more comfortable and that's why you should do it. And as you know, its better for your health and one less reason to worry.

I probably wouldn't be able to start a weightloss program in the midst of depression as you are now? Are you on medication? I would strongly recommend you talk to your doctor about that if you aren't. I remember once how i'd gone off my meds and stayed off for two years even though i got depressed quite soon after and so on. Eventually when i finally couldn't stand it anymore i went back on them. And life picked up quickly and i am never going off them again. That's not to say i haven't lost and gained weight during that time several times.

But losing weight is easier when you feel optimistic and positive. And i know that sometimes just starting on a program of weightloss can lift your spirits too.

So if you can try to get started, on a program you devise, if you can stick to it, it would be good. If you try and find it too hard, then let it go for now and attend to addressing the depression.

If you can summon the energy for it, try to get out and do some walking in the natural environment.

Can i just say, in this world, it doesn't matter so much what we look like. I know it does have quite a big impact on things but ultimately, you can do pretty well without looks too. Confidence, a pleasant personality, skills and energy can make up for any lack of beauty. Try to avoid dwelling on your appearance. When i'm depressed, i find it better not to look in the mirror. When we are depressed, we actually feel less attractive than when we are not depressed. Sometimes our assessment of our appearance is a distortion because of our mood.

If you can start eating more healthy foods, this will help your mood. There's an article on seratonin which is a mood neurotransmitter. Its on nutrition wonderland website. It talks about how this stuff affects our appetite and weight. Its worth reading. Worth reading twice so you really know how to maximise your seratonin levels through eating a healthy diet.

I hope soon you feel motivated enough to take some positive steps.
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Old 05-13-2014, 07:49 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mii View Post
I feel trapped in my body ... I feel like I'm so unattractive that trying to put my best foot forward or even take basic care of myself at times is just such a stupid idea. I can't find the motivation to lose weight like I did before. Why? I guess seeing other people respond to me in more or less the same way really took the wind out of my sails ... I feel like no matter what I do I'm going to be a piece of sh*t anyway ...
My dear, Mii, I've been where you are and I pray that you are able to work through the issues far sooner than I was able to. As others have done, I recommend you find a counselor or psychologist to help you address your depression and learn how to deal with the negative self-talk you are engaging in. The habit of negative self-talk is a tough one to break but you can do it.

You don't mention your eating habits or patterns but I can tell you that in my experience, the more sugar and carbs I consumed, the worse impact it had on my brain chemistry, driving me further into depression. Since going sugar-free in Nov. 2013, I have felt much more stable mentally. That, along with increasing my water intake dramatically, has helped my skin clear up--redness, dry patches, and blemishes are significantly reduced.

I experienced the kind of depression you're experiencing from my high school years until age 50. There were ups; there were deep, deep downs. When I decided I would make changes for ME--or in your case Mii --and to heck with whatever anyone else thought, I was able to start making positive changes and feeling better. Your life is about YOU, not what others see, think, or do.

I've lost 69 pounds so far on my journey. Some people I work with are just as negative toward me, if not more so, than before I started losing weight. I cannot control other people's behavior. Their actions are about them and their experiences. Your life is about YOU and YOUR experiences.

Please don't do what I did and continue to stumble through your days living in self-loathing. Reach out to get medical assistance--even if it means starting medication to deal with chemical imbalances that contribute to depression. Learn about mindfulness training--one of the more successful treatments for depression. Mindfulness training helps you focus on the present moment rather than allowing your thoughts to run away in negativity. There are lots of wonderful Buddhist recordings that will help explain the philosophy that has been co-oped by the medical field. I recommend Pema Chodron's recordings. She's light, humorous, and loving in her talks.

The very first exercise that helped me was a thankfulness practice. I set up 10 tea candles and when I came home at night, I required myself to stop and give thanks--out loud--for 10 positive things in my life, lighting one candle for each thing. The candles burned for a few hours each night, reminding me of the things for which I was thankful. My worst day ever was when all I had to be thankful for was working headlights and windshield wipers on my car, so I just repeated that over and over 10 times.

Blessings be upon you, Mii. Don't give up. Today is a new start and it is all about YOU!
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Old 05-13-2014, 11:49 AM   #5
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Thank you for the kind replies everyone. :-)
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Old 05-21-2014, 09:31 AM   #6
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Everyone is very right, but I will add one thing. Hating yourself for the way you look and hiding from being social leads you to where I am - at over 300lbs. It leads to being so overweight that the fat in your neck presses on your air way and it starts to get hard to breathe, especially when you lay down, so you have to sleep sitting up. It means even simple things like getting up off the floor or bending over to pick something up become really tricky. It will lead to being isolated and really really lonely. Don't come to where I am trying so hard to leave.

I know it probably doesn't help, but I would feel so happy and empowered if I was at 200lb, so being down on yourself about it is really a choice - choose something else! And while my problems don't lessen yours in anyway, you can find a way to be happy and comfortable being you! You can do it!
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Old 06-12-2014, 08:51 PM   #7
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I second what lost said. I have weighed over 300 lbs, no way to sugar coat it, it ****in sucked, what got me there was negative self talk and self imposed isolation. I know it's hard but just take that first step outside your comfort zone, start small, I promise you, how you are feeling/talking about yourself can be changed, you can start to feel better, it is possible. Don't give up on yourself. In my opinion no person is ugly except if they willfully hurt others. Don't buy into the bullshit we are in inundated with, marketing self loathing is a very profitable business, it says nothing of your value as an individual. Stay strong and know you are not alone, many, many people have felt how you are feeling...and many have been able to rewrite their internal narratives, stay hopeful and take one small, manageable action to care for yourself each day...you're worth it.
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