I totally feel for u thirty. I have been there and am still there to some degree. I have made progress but it is a long haul. Kinda like this post. Ut I can relate to u so want to share. Sorry so long
I lived in Ca all my life until about 7 years ago. I moved to az with my family and stopped working to stay home with my kids. Well being the worst stay at home mom in the world I spent most days in bed for 5 years. I tried at least a dozen meds. The doctor would up them when I told them it wasn't working. I already knew I had fibromyalgia and anxiety and depression. I had been on Effexor for years. Then they tried me on cymbalta for 2 years, I would have days where I would get out of bed to practice a hobby I picked up like sewing or cake decorating or something. But it wasn't consistent. The cymbalta made me sweat something serious and not wanting to shower was not a good combo. I finally said this isn't working. I read everything I could on anti depressants and forums from people with depression and lack of motivation with it. The best drug I found that people liked was Wellbutrin. One problem. I have minor epilepsy and no doc will order it because it can cause seizures. Even though I haven't had a seizure in 20 years and the doc said I probably don't even need meds anymore, I still take them. And last EEG was normal. Anyway I was also put on thyroid meds in that time, can't remember exactly when.
So after cymbalta they tried me on many other things that I don't remember they names of but all made me hungover and groggy and I quit in one week or less. In the mean time I mostly stayed on the cymbalta until I found something that worked. Then before Christmas I ran out for a week and felt like I was going to die. I couldn't even regulate my body temp. I got an emergency appt with my psych and I saw a different doc. She put me on Zoloft. Said it seemed to work best with people with anti motivation type depression. I am rarely sad or crying. Don't feel suicidal. Just don't want to engage in normal activity. So I started it and I swear to u I felt better the next day. It usually it takes 4 weeks. I mean it wasn't 100% but I could move a little. Didn't feel like dying.
So in the last 2 or so years I moved back to Ca after hubby lost his job. Have had a bunch of stress like law suits and bk and being broke. Also daughter in car accident and hubby traveling a lot. We r getting thru it and I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I am actually doing a bit better.
I worked for a bit at hobby lobby and picked up a knitting habit. I can't call it a hobby because I do it a little more obsessively than that. But I get out of bed every day. And I brush my teeth daily. I keep my kitchen pretty clean. The rest of the house is coming ever so slowly. Still wish I showered daily but they r getting better. I know that sounds gross but I totally get where u r coming from. I think it is a combo of the meds, follic acid which is sometimes low in people with depression and vit d. Also in some people with depression the folic acid does not cross the blood/brain barrier. There is a special med that has folic acid that does. U can ask doc about it if regular oc stuff does not work. It works fine for me.
My points I hope u gather r this. 1 u r not lazy, it is a disease and u shouldn't be ashamed, even if u don't neccesarily want people who don't have depression to know. 2 try Wellbutrin if u can, it is supposed to be the best 3 have your thyroid checked if u didn't already.4 exercise if u can but start slow. U don't want to burn out on it if it seems like a chore. 5. Find a hobby u like and see if it helps u to get out of bed to do it.
Those r the things that have helped me. I really hope it helps u some.
Oh and the weight loss thing is new for me over these last few years. I had given up for a while so I don't have a set exercise schedule but when I do walk I feel better.
Last edited by Occheermommy; 03-10-2014 at 03:56 PM.