3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Depression and Weight Issues

Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

Heartbroken..

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-03-2014, 03:59 AM   #1
Junior Member
 
sharms8637's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 11

Default Heartbroken..

Hi everyone,

I confessed my feelings to a guy I work with in November 2013. I have had a crush on him since I joined my workplace (over 3 years ago) and didn't tell him how I feel coz he had a girlfriend back then, who used to treat him like absolute dirt and put him down when they used to go out with friends.

He told me that he was single in October 2013 and throughout the 3 years that we've known each other, he'd always compliment me on anything new I wear, always notice when I have a new manicure/pedicure, when I cut my hair differently, etc. So I thought that he kinda liked me and couldn't do anything about it since he was already in a relationship.

So let's fast-forward to Nov 2013. I poured my heart out to him on Whatsapp (yes I'm a coward for doing that but I am really, really shy) after we had this long conversation about me liking a guy being too afraid to tell him. He replied to me the next day saying that after being through 2 really bad breakups, he never wants to get into another relationship. And even if he did, which he highly doubt he will, he only sees me a friend and nothing more. Yes I was heartbroken but continued to be friends with him (albeit it being very awkward the first few weeks) coz I thought he was a nice guy..

A couple of weeks after I noticed him complimenting a lit of girls around me on how they look, dress, etc. I know this is not against the law or anything but I felt that he was trying to show my that he compliments everyone and he did the same to me and I'm not special. He never used to do that before, by the way. We used to hang out a lot with my other girlfriends but he always used to compliment me and not them.

Today I heard that he has a girlfriend again, which just tore me to pieces coz he said he highly doubts he will get into a relationship again. Guys, I would have been totally fine if he rejected me saying he only sees me as a friend, but he shouldn't have told me he'll never consider having a girlfriend again only to have one now.. I am so so heartbroken..

I am 5 ft 3 in and quite chubby and I can't help but think that he rejected me coz I'm fat :'( my friend told me that his previous girlfriend was very pretty and I guess I am not as pretty as he wants me to be.. I just got back from the restroom after bawling my eyes out..
sharms8637 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 04:39 AM   #2
Senior Member
 
Mad Donnelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 254

S/C/G: 212/157/145

Height: 5' 4"

Default

Think about it this way. Yeah, he lied that he didn't want another girlfriend but he told you the truth that he wasn't interested in you in that way. He's not obligated to not have another girlfriend because he told you he didn't. You wouldn't have been fine even if he hadn't lied about not wanting a girlfriend. You'd still feel heartbroken. But you're not really. You're sad and disappointed but now you can move on.

You did nothing wrong and you should continue to put yourself out there. There are wonderful men out there for whom that is not a big deal if they are into you. This guy "just wasn't that into you". And that's okay. It's nobody's fault.

I hope this didn't sound harsh. Maybe it kinda was but it's things that I wish people had said to me instead of blowing smoke up my butt cos I know exactly how you feel.

Last edited by Mad Donnelly : 02-03-2014 at 04:39 AM.
Mad Donnelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 04:51 AM   #3
Junior Member
 
sharms8637's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 11

Default

See, if he had just told me that he wasn't that into me, then I would have accepted it. But him telling me this bogus story that he'll never love again, just to find someone a few months later is what's killing me.. If he had told me no and found a girl the next day, I would have been fine with it. But telling me he is so heartbroken that he'll never love again, which is an obvious lie, is kinda like blowing smoke up my butt..
sharms8637 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 05:21 AM   #4
Snowman meets Sun
 
thirti4thirty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Snowman meets sun
Posts: 349

S/C/G: 185/162/120

Height: 5' 1''

Default

Sharm, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope you'll find enough strength wihthin yourself to believe me when I tell you: "You're a beautiful woman".
Even if your crush's ex was pretty, their love story did not end well so he must have learnt the lesson that it's not all about the packaging.
__________________

I'm losing 5.5 lbs 12 times. I'm currently left with 8 times!!!
thirti4thirty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 05:36 AM   #5
Junior Member
 
sharms8637's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 11

Default

Thank you thirti4thirty *hug* As Beyonce says,

There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I must've been out of my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your *** and I, I saw the real you

he's the best thing I never had. Been listening to her music since November..
sharms8637 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 05:51 AM   #6
Snowman meets Sun
 
thirti4thirty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Snowman meets sun
Posts: 349

S/C/G: 185/162/120

Height: 5' 1''

Default


You'll be fine, dearie.
__________________

I'm losing 5.5 lbs 12 times. I'm currently left with 8 times!!!
thirti4thirty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 06:39 AM   #7
Senior Member
 
Mad Donnelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 254

S/C/G: 212/157/145

Height: 5' 4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sharms8637 View Post
See, if he had just told me that he wasn't that into me, then I would have accepted it. But him telling me this bogus story that he'll never love again, just to find someone a few months later is what's killing me.. If he had told me no and found a girl the next day, I would have been fine with it. But telling me he is so heartbroken that he'll never love again, which is an obvious lie, is kinda like blowing smoke up my butt..
I've said things like that a million times "if he just wouldn't have said X, I'd be fine". It's a lie you're telling yourself. It really wouldn't make the rejection any easier. And I'm not saying he wasn't wrong for telling you that because it IS wrong. But you're being wrong to yourself for focusing on that.


And by blowing smoke, I was talking about well meaning friends who just told me what I wanted to hear but really did not help me deal with getting over the disappointment. And that's fine because that's what friends are for. But I wish I hadn't spent so much heartache agonizing over exactly what you're agonizing over because men can't find the right words.
Mad Donnelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 06:48 AM   #8
banned
 
Pattience's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Tropical Australia
Posts: 1,305

S/C/G: 80.2kg/66kg/60kg x2.2 for lb

Height: 165cm/5' 4.5"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sharms8637 View Post
See, if he had just told me that he wasn't that into me, then I would have accepted it. But him telling me this bogus story that he'll never love again, just to find someone a few months later is what's killing me.. If he had told me no and found a girl the next day, I would have been fine with it. But telling me he is so heartbroken that he'll never love again, which is an obvious lie, is kinda like blowing smoke up my butt..
I'm entirely in agreement with Mad donelly in both posts. But i'm gonna take another angle.

Most guys do not like to tell a girl to their face that they are not interested in them. They always prefer to make an excuse if they have to say anything at all.

Persoanlly i think its a bit cowardly because i'm not to ally sure whether they do this because they think it will hurt you less or they do it because they think its the easiest way out for them.

REcenlty in was in a situation when i had the option to do one or the other. I was really tempted to just not answer emails and disappear but i have had that done to me, and its really hard to let go without unequivocal clarity of "I don't want you".

So maybe its time you read that book, He's just not that into you. It will give you strength. Trust me on that and set you on a path that will save you from much more heart ache in your life because it tells you how to deal well with rejection. Read it and don't look back.

As i said i agree with all else mad donnelly said. We are more experienced than you and seen it all. this is what guys do. No good say it would be ok if he hadn't lied to me. Face is he did. Get angry, not hurt. It helps. Stop being his friend. Not because he's a bad guy but because it should be easier for you if you put some distance between you. And stop mooning after him. Drop your feelings like a brick. You can do it though i know its hard. It takes a degree of insight to be able to do and i i've found that being angry with the person helps a lot.
Pattience is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 07:21 AM   #9
Junior Member
 
sharms8637's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 11

Default

Thanks Mad Donnelly and Pattience. I am tired of thinking of the convo we had and analyzing each and every detail, randomly hearing a sad love song and automatically thinking of him, etc... He is just not worth it. I just wish he was honest with me.. Why was it so hard for him to say to say "I'm just not that into you. That's it"..

I am glad I had this experience though.. Now I don't have to go through the **** of thinking "does he like me, does he not" every time I see him. And I won't have the regret of not asking him if he likes me 10 years down the line. Plus the veil that clouded my judgement every time I saw him is gone.

I would LOVE to not be friends with him because seeing him now just repulses me. But, at the end of the day, we both have to work in the same office, and I don't want things to be super awkward between us..
sharms8637 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 02:47 PM   #10
Michelle the Vegan
 
Mrs Snark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Bliss-a-go-go!
Posts: 5,021

S/C/G: >207/see blog/150

Height: ~5'9" of Snark

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sharms8637 View Post
Why was it so hard for him to say to say "I'm just not that into you. That's it".
Because that is really, really hard to do. I mean, it is SO hard to say something as painful as that directly. And I imagine he likes you quite a bit as a friend and really didn't want to hurt you at all. And then, when suddenly put on the spot he said the wrong thing in an effort to spare your feelings (which he obviously cares about).

I'm sorry he did not reciprocate your feelings, for whatever reason, but I wouldn't judge him quite so harshly (though I know that's hard to do when your feelings are so tender right now).

I hope your heart heals up soon, there are lots of other fishies in the sea!
__________________
Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.

Progress Photos | Weekly Weight Loss | My Battle With Weight in Photos
My Blog: Mrs. Snark @ Bliss-a-go-go! (warning: I'm weird & I have a potty mouth)

Last edited by Mrs Snark : 02-03-2014 at 02:47 PM.
Mrs Snark is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 04:42 PM   #11
Senior Member
 
Mad Donnelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 254

S/C/G: 212/157/145

Height: 5' 4"

Default

Mrs. Snark is right!

Sharms, I know it's hard to believe but someday, this won't even be a THING. Even by next week you'll feel better.

It's not that older people don't remember what younger people are going through or "just can't understand". On the contrary, it's that we DO remember and wish we knew then what we know now. Because, believe me (and I've been married 20 years), I've felt and said and done all the things you're experiencing. That's how long this guy MO has been going on and for even longer than that. It's not going to change.

What you can change is how you react to it. Not saying it's easy and Lord knows I could never do it at the time, but it would really stand you in good stead to truly learn from this and not beat yourself up over it. I'd be so thrilled to know that you've dusted yourself off and gotten back up like I wish I had done many times.
Mad Donnelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 04:57 PM   #12
Food and Wine Lover
 
Chardonnay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 312

S/C/G: Goal Weight: 125

Height: 5'3"

Default

When I first started dating last year again, I went on lots of dates, I think nearly 20 different guys before I met my current bf. Some of them weren't into me, which broke my heart because rejection sucks. I heard every excuse in the book but in the end, I had to pick myself up and keep looking because I was determined to not be alone anymore after being alone for 18 years.

But...I also had trouble telling the guys I wasn't interested in, that I didn't like them. It's really hard because you never want to hurt someone who seems so vulnerable, because opening up your heart makes you vulnerable to the pain of rejection. People say all the time "I'll never love again" or "No more relationships" after they've been hurt. So maybe he thought he meant it at the time. I don't think you should take that part so personally.

It's also hard to be friends after something like that. You were pretty brave in telling him your feelings, it's always a big risk. It's okay to feel bad about it, but don't let it eat you up for too long. And don't beat yourself up and blame your size. After all those rejections, my attitude was "on to the next one"...sounds a little harsh but that's how I dealt with it. And you know, there are SO many single guys out there...so many, you don't need to pine over this one. Good luck to you! Go chat on an online dating site, get some compliments, meet some new men, it's great for the ego! That's how I met my bf and we've been together nearly a year now.
__________________


Mini Goal For October

Last edited by Chardonnay : 02-03-2014 at 04:58 PM.
Chardonnay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 07:48 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Posts: 303

Default

Hi,
I am sorry that you are hurting.

When you are ready ,spend your energy in growing as a person

Then w hen you least expect it, he,the one for you will show up.

Maybe he doesn't recognize your qualities or he just doesn't feel that certain spark that is so necessary in a romantic relationship.


Let it go-you can't force what is not there.

It may have more to do with him than you.

Once I was in the opposite situation from you. Someone cared for me but I did not feel the same. There was no particular reason but it just was the way it was.i was not in a place where I could value his qualities. Years later I realized that he was a. really great guy that I dismissed because I wasn't ready for what he had to offer.
Sheridan
__________________
Sheridan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 11:23 PM   #14
Junior Member
 
sharms8637's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 11

Default

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I really appreciate it. I just hope that one day he will realize what he lost and by then I would have someone truly cares for me..
sharms8637 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2014, 11:58 PM   #15
Senior Member
 
penmage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,026

S/C/G: 190/ticker/125

Height: 5'2"

Default

__________________


Let's try this again!
Losing a regain of 31 pounds: 8.0/31 gone
Mini Goal 1 (again): 180.0
Plan: South Beach vegetarian
penmage is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Heartbroken no more....(long rant) bigprettymomma Weight Loss Support 21 10-24-2012 10:14 PM
heartbroken vmo1 General chatter 30 05-16-2010 07:13 PM
OT-heartbroken and venting amyleigh 20-Somethings 17 06-17-2009 06:52 PM
Heartbroken PaulaM 100 lb. Club 24 12-05-2008 11:39 AM
getting back on track when heartbroken tqvirgo 100 lb. Club 19 11-29-2006 09:36 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:35 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2