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Ups & Downs Support Group: February 2014

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Old 02-05-2014, 06:18 PM   #31
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IBelieveInMe2- Hey, at least you're exercising! I'm the opposite of you. I've got the eating pretty well straightened out (although I'd absolutely eat a bread sandwich with a side of bread right now), but I'm piteously behind on the exercise. Maybe we should help each other And no, I'm not a Buckeye fan (I know, I know...), but in my defense I grew up in the South and didn't move up here til 22. So my football allegiance was already set! Also, I'm sending you a PM.

Fiona-

LilDazed- Cheers for an anxiety-free day! And way to go at the gym. I saw Despicable Me 2 when it was in theaters. I think I liked the first one more, but not by much! They were both super adorable. I want a minion.

lilturtle- I'm sorry you're having refill problems! I hate the stupid finger-pointing game of "Who messed up". I don't CARE who messed up, the pharmacy needs to give me my PILLS. Did you end up being stuck inside today? We got less snow than forecasted, and I initially thought I'd be stuck inside too. Granted, I didn't go anywhere anyway, but I COULD have!

I'm doing fair today. During the day it's much easier to distract myself, but nights are hard. I brought my cat into my room early this morning (like 3am) to cuddle with me so I could fall asleep.

I'm not overly bothered by what my former-friend did (obviously I didn't appreciate it and I'd prefer if it hadn't happened, but it could have been taken sooo much further, you know?), what I was bothered about was how Justin would react. He has a history of being cheated on, and I was afraid if he found out later, he'd think I invited the attention and deliberately kept it from him. So I told him the truth when it happened, hoping he'd see that I'm being honest and I'm not like his exes. Before this, we were just fine. Clicked great, texted most every day, talked on the phone a couple times, no problems. And then this. And now *poof*

The match is still open on e-Harmony and we're still friends on Facebook, but it's been 2.5 weeks now. Admittedly, I'm sort of giving up hope that he'll get in touch with me, but I can be stupidly optimistic at times, so there's a teeny little thread hanging on desperately.

I have sort of a rough dating history myself (dated a guy who turned out to be a molester, then I was engaged to someone who was emotionally manipulative and had an anger problem, then the most recent boyfriend told me to pick out a ring and then broke up with me weeks later because he just wanted to be friends), but I finally thought I'd found a good one, you know?

Is it too much to ask for something to go easy for me?

Have a great, safe evening all! You guys are the best.


[Added early 2/6 instead of making new post]

Ugh. Bad night, guys. I have texts and pictures from Justin I can't bring myself to delete. And any time I try to listen to a voice mail, it plays one he left me a few weeks ago first, back before he disappeared, and I can't bring myself to delete that either. So I have to hear it every time I miss a call and they leave a message. I feel pathetic being so broken up over this whole situation, but I really thought he was the one. Which I know sounds silly considering we've never even met in person yet (if ever...), but I feel like, sometimes you just know, and I knew. In that way that you know the layout of your house even in the dark. I suppose I metaphorically "stubbed my toe" in this instance though!

Even if he decides he's no longer interested, is it too much to ask to have him, oh, I don't know, tell me? At this point I don't know if it would hurt more or less than this horrible limbo. Maybe he needs time to process it, like Holly (I think it was you, Holly) said. And maybe I'm looking at this from a girl perspective, but if something awful happened to Justin, I wouldn't disappear for 2 weeks to think about it!! What all is there to process about "I went to a friend's house and he sexually assaulted me, so I left and called you because I care about you and don't ever want you to think I'm a cheater like your exes" ?

I just... I don't understand. He's sent me amazing texts, telling me how I'm the woman of his dreams, he can't wait to have me in his arms, I'm his one fish in a sea of a million... and then to just disappear! Am I so desperately lonely and so desperately wanting to be loved that I got played?

Part of me is pathetically hoping that he's just been insanely busy (I know one week, previously, he worked 97 hours. So it's possible) and will get back to me. The rational part of me is saying if I really mattered to him, he would have found time in the last 2.5 weeks to text me or call or message me on Facebook. Sometimes I don't like the rational part of me.

But even then, if he does show up, would I even really want to be with someone who could ignore me for weeks at a time? Where I'm clearly going to be second string behind his work? I told a girlfriend of mine, about a month ago, that if he really works as much as he says he works, I can kinda see why his previous girlfriends cheated. Being ignored is freaking lonely! Not that that's any excuse, I just understand the reasoning.

And to add just a bit of levity to the situation (because otherwise I'm seriously going to cry), the "creepy stalker" in me wants to look him up in the phone book and show up on his doorstep this weekend and be like "WTF dude?"

Sorry for the epic add-on. I just needed someplace to let it out. I can't talk to my parents, as they don't know about what happened, and they're not good "talking" people anyway. I'm glad I have you guys!!
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Losing a regain of 31 pounds: 8.0/31 gone
Mini Goal 1 (again): 180.0
Plan: South Beach vegetarian

Last edited by penmage : 02-06-2014 at 02:35 AM.
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:23 PM   #32
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penmage: I am so very sorry about the h*ll this Justin guy is putting you through by not contacting you. That is really strange! I would be going through many of the same thoughts as you are. I would guess he doesn't know what to do with the "sexual assault" thing, but it's hard to tell. If you were the "woman of his dreams" wouldn't he at least call and discuss things?!? Sounds like he has some issues of his own to deal with. I would suggest that, in the meantime of waiting (to hear from him ~ or not ~ and/or for a new guy) you focus hard on working on your own personal issues (we all have them!), so that you are as emotionally healthy as possible. The reason I say this is that we tend to attract people with the same level of issues as us, so the healthier you are ~ the more healthy the guy(s) will be that you attract. Just a thought/idea to help distract you while you sort out what happened with Justin. Sorry that you can't talk to your parents about this whole thing. I was the same way (still am at the age of 47). That in itself is sad. I am so happy that you took the time to vent to all of us. We really do care about you and want only the best for you! Please know that you can come here ANY TIME and reach out for support. Hang in there and know that you did not do a thing wrong!!! If Justin stays away now, it is HE who has the problem and maybe you are better off without him. I know that may be hard to hear right now, but it's really the truth. I strongly believe that things (other than crimes and other purely evil events) work out the way they are "supposed" to in the long run. We just can't see the "big picture" yet..... until all is played out. So try to be patient, have faith, and be the best YOU you can be! All will be well!
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:54 PM   #33
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Red face Trying to reign myself in!

I did 40 minutes on the treadmill at the gym yesterday while my daughter worked with our trainer. Still eating lots of extras and even "bad" desserts. Not just little bites either. I need to get back in control of myself and my food choices. I will never lose weight this way! Not sure what is going on other than self-sabotage..... and it wouldn't be the first time I have sabotaged myself. I need to DIG DEEP and find the LOVE for myself that I lost somewhere along the way!!! I think that might be the root of my self-sabotage.

Fi: So sorry that you are deep in grief at the moment. My heart breaks for you and I can just tell that you are not yourself right now. Please be extra gentle with and kind to yourself during this difficult time. Sending you many hugs! We are here for you if/when you need us! And we do care about you.

LilDazed: HOORAY for an anxiety-free day!!! And, wow, 7 miles at the gym is AWESOME!!! I love those Despicable Me movies! The little children are my favorite..... along with the minions!

lilturtle: That worries me that you had to go a night (or more) without your meds. Did you get refills yet?!? How frustrating when the pharmacy and the doctor are blaming each other and you just want your daggone meds!!! Been there and done that, too. I hope things get resolved SOON for your sake! Hang in there on the weather! It is frustrating when you are stuck at home, too. Take some long, deep breaths and try to be patient. It'll all work out in time. Post and vent in the meantime if you need to! We are here for you!

Waving hello to everyone else!
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Old 02-06-2014, 01:03 PM   #34
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I'm miserable. Still over the same thing (I know it's boring)—the sudden break-up of my friendship with Robine. Last night I acted out with food: I ate a bunch of muesli. Sugar-free, but still, a lot of carbs. This morning I feel like I'll never be hungry again. And like I'll never be happy again.

I'm always like this with grief: it hits me like a ton o' bricks, and the acutely painful phase takes a long time to pass. And there are fluctuations, of course, in how bad it is. But it's a process, and it will move on, and even now I can tell my emotions are progressing in a healthy way. I just wish I didn't feel so busted up: she broke my heart!!
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:33 PM   #35
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Fi-
I wish I had advice to give, but I'm sort of in the same spot with Justin. PM me if you ever need to talk!
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Losing a regain of 31 pounds: 8.0/31 gone
Mini Goal 1 (again): 180.0
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Old 02-06-2014, 06:24 PM   #36
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I have trouble with relationships too. I have made so many bad choices. I lost a great guy not long ago myself. Penmage I might pm you sometime. When I read what you wrote we have something in common.

I got my meds yesterday thank God. I slept last night so that was good. I'm still keeping my calories under 1200-1400 a day so I should be losing weight. But no scale yet. I've really been craving ice cream lately. I don't know why, it is so cold out.
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:33 PM   #37
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lil turtle, I'm so glad you got your meds! and I APPLAUD you for being able to stick to your allotted, sensible calories!!! (something I cannot seem to do) I hope your craving for that cold stuff goes away

Fi - so sorry you're miserable sweety a really hard blow you've been dealt. we all wish we could make it better for you!

Kathleen - 40 minutes is a hella long time on the treadmill! You and me both need to somehow find the strength to make us remember our goals and our current unhappiness at what we want to change.

Penmage, I'm really glad you're here loved your description of a bread sandwich with a side of bread You are a South Beach hero to me! and it is NOT too much for maybe life to go your way for a while

Lil Dazed - whoa, 7 miles....!!!!

30-4-30 (is that OK? ) VERY glad to meet you and that you are here. I hope the PRozac works for you, I am a wellbutrin person myself. It is SOOO very great that we have this group for

donijo, facing a starting point is good, you can only go down from there!

Hey Chelsea, sorry about your hands..

Hi seabiscuit and snickers

and also :welcome to shrinkingme !

I wasted SO much time today, and yesterday, in bed. To show you how bad it is, I did get up at 6:30 this morning. Drank 2 cups of coffee, did computer stuff, had a piece of pb toast, then went back to bed for 2 hours. Got up, vacuumed, worked out for 50 minutes, then WENT BACK TO BED. Ugh!! I did get up AGAIN and then went to town for errands, but I hate this behavior so much!!

Back to work tomorrow, with my struggle of getting hungry (who doesn't during a 7 hour shift) and not being given time to eat, and then I get so very angry, and 'act out' by eating a big (like 400 calorie) cookies. I hate my life in winter
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:52 PM   #38
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Maybe I need to post some reasons to TRY to make myself remember why I have to force myself to try to make some changes in my eating.

Next week, I most probably will be voted in as President of United Motorcyclists of Vermont (am currently vice president) I will be having to make some public appearences, at the least in front of crowds, at the most on TV (not really a big deal ) and I feel so much more confident when my weight is in the 140's.

Warmer weather - means tee shirts! and I can't imagine baring my arms at this point.

Back to my summer job - don't want the catty office manager to speak to others how "Holly's gained weight"

Current job - cant' stand the thought of my piece-o-crap boss and his wife commenting how I've gained weight

Summer - riding my motorcycle about non-stop; I don't want my thighs and @ss spilling out of my chaps!

Fall - my son is getting married! and I want to feel confident, and have him be proud of me, and if I spend time with the fiance's mother, not to feel so self conscious.
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Old 02-06-2014, 09:12 PM   #39
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Today I was finally able to express my feelings about the loss of the friendship with Robine in a new collage.

If any of you are inspired to say anything about this collage, I would really appreciate it. Feedback helps.
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Current mini-goal: Get down to 260
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••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Mini-goal 1: 30 days binge-free —> done 12/21/13 & binge-free now
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Old 02-06-2014, 09:25 PM   #40
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Fi - one can see/feel the pain in that collage!


(I clicked through some of your others - WOW! loved the 5th Dimension one )
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Old 02-07-2014, 02:02 PM   #41
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I looked at your collage Fi and it's really great. Thanks for sharing it.

Not much new here. It kind of feels like ground hogs day......not much change. Scale will be here Tuesday.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:00 PM   #42
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Hi all... I have been lurking a bit and thought I would say hello today.

I have a bevy of health issues, all of them involve lots of physical pain, which interestingly lengthy exposure to pain will change your brain chemistry permanently to a depressive state. So, I am on Cymbalta which helps the pain - and the brain.

Was doing very well on it until last fall when I experienced an extremely severe flare up of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Since then I have been struggling to avoid binge eating (unsuccessful there) and staying on the positive side of life. I finally recognized it a couple of weeks ago, asked around to some folks I know that if it is possible to become resistant to a medication after a while (or develop a tolerance?). No one knows, so I have a doctor appointment tomorrow to discuss this.

I was so excited, had gotten from 300 pounds down to 164. Then I bounced back and forth between 175-185 for a while, now I am back up to 198. Have been trying to do Atkins, but cant control the eating.

Hopefully tomorrow will resolve some of these issue
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Old 02-07-2014, 09:40 PM   #43
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Smile Welcome!

Kat117: So glad you posted! I am no doctor, but ~ from my experience ~ I think you CAN develop a tolerance to a medication where it stops benefitting you any more. Before I finally settled on my current "cocktail" of meds, I had tried a few that worked great at first..... and then the benefit wore off and I had to try something else. I am very happy to hear that you are going to the doctor to discuss this, though. Please let us know what he/she has to say. Congrats on your awesome weight loss. Even 198 is much healthier than 300, so you have still improved your health a lot with what you lost. I hope the doctor will help you get things straightened out, though, so you can begin to lose weight again. Best of luck to you and thanks for having the courage to post!

Fi: Sorry that you are still feeling so miserable. At least you are in touch with your feelings and allowing yourself to progress through the grief. That part is good. When I first looked at your collage/postcard ~ torn right through the gut ~ it seemed obvious to me that she ripped your gut apart. That is what really struck me and probably the reason it hurts so badly. So sorry you have to go through this.

lilturtle: So happy to hear that you got your meds! Hang in there until that scale arrives on Tuesday. I think you are in for some good news!!! Please keep us posted either way. Crossing my fingers for you!

Holly: You are so right that we need to remember our goals and our current unhappiness with our bodies so that we can make wiser food choices. Thanks for sharing that insight. It is helpful. Hey, and congrats on most likely being voted in as the President of United Motorcyclists of Vermont next week!!! Now THAT is KEWL!!!

Waving hello to everyone else!
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Old 02-07-2014, 10:23 PM   #44
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Kat117— Welcome to the group! I have a recommendation for you regarding binge eating: Kathryn Hansen's Brain Over Binge. Hansen's technique is so excellent, I immediately became binge-free after reading the book, and have been binge-free since. You can also google her blog: look for "Brain Over Binge" blog. But the book is just fabulous...
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Current mini-goal: Get down to 260
Pounds to go: 12

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Mini-goal 1: 30 days binge-free —> done 12/21/13 & binge-free now
Mini-goal 2: Get down to 280 —> done 5/22/14
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Old 02-08-2014, 02:30 AM   #45
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Hi everyone.

I am up late tonight but I need to get some rest. I just wanted to post and let everyone know I've lost 5 pounds. YAY!!!!!!!


I hope this post finds you all well. I have to work Sat and Sun this weekend. I can't wait until Monday comes. I need a day off. I'm kind of burnt out right now.

Well, I will try to pop back in later today. Maybe I will have more interesting things to tell you.

Much love to all.
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