Quote:
Originally Posted by davina
That is great to hear..I think I can really relate to your experience a comfortable rut is exactly what I am in, I am just simply stuck as if I cannot move forward in the ways everyone else around me seems to...This is hard to talk about, even when I had a session with a therapist I lied about the intimacy problems..But if I go back I will bring up this issue cause it is a big one.
When you first started dating again, did you find it difficult to make conversation,not be nervous, etc after being isolated for so long?
|
I've totally lied to my therapist many years ago when I was in therapy, I just couldn't admit to the intimacy problem. I'd had it for so long that I was actually ashamed, which is silly, it's nothing to feel shame for, I just needed some kind of help to get out of it. For me, therapy didn't help, I had to get out of it myself. If you do talk to your therapist, I'm sure he/she can help you out.
At first yes, I did find it difficult to talk to guys...but I started out on an online dating site. This way I was able to chat online and email before starting the verbal and in person talking. I did the usual...thought about subjects before meeting them lol...gosh I felt like a teenager...but usually you talk about work, family, sports, music, tv/movies, hobbies etc...you kind of fake it until you make it I think. Once I got rolling, I was okay though. I completely avoided talking about my history of mental health issues though, I think that bores people when you first meet them. My big anxiety was what to say if asked about past relationships...it happened of course, so I would say things like, I've been single a little while and thought it would be fun to start dating again...or something like that to take the focus off. Another thing we have to make sure not to do is move too fast or act too desperate! I made that mistake with the first two guys I was getting to know. I didn't quite grasp the meaning of "dating", I wanted exclusivity right away lol...doesn't work that way!