Welcome! I'm so sorry you are struggling. Here is my advice and take it with a grain of salt:
1. Shelve the self-hate. You've had a rough time and food is comforting. You're human, you wanted comfort, that doesn't make you a monster worthy of hate! It makes you human. Forgive yourself and get ready to move on. You can make new habits for yourself -- KNOW that you CAN do this, because you CAN!
2. Make a plan food plan and an exercise plan and write it down. Make it a reasonable plan -- start slowly knowing that transitioning to new habits is hard and you want to be gentle with yourself. I agree with Iamritu
, make small changes and increase the changes over time. Seriously, you can accomplish ALOT this way without overloading yourself with stress!
Maybe make a little calendar where you can draw on smiley faces showing yourself that you are making positive changes. Don't worry about perfection, you will make mistakes along the way (we ALL do!), just keep plugging along!
3. Come hang out at 3FC, lots of great support here.
When the urge to chuck it all hits you, come here instead.
4. Can I suggest you change your screen name? I don't want to offend you, but I don't want your name to be a constant self-fulfilling prophecy! "Withouthope"
is just so sad. You aren't without hope or you wouldn't be here. Just a suggestion made with the best of intentions for you, so please don't be mad.
Hang in there!